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Enzi

Offline (the 08/01/2015 at 7:52pm) | Search for a member

Enzi

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 3505
  • Number of comments : 71
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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Enzi's page activity

Visits<b>thefmlman2011</b> - the 06/30/2015 at 5:53pm<b>karacakal2</b> - the 06/21/2015 at 6:10pm<b>jonloran</b> - the 05/19/2015 at 8:49am<b>dandancc</b> - the 03/08/2015 at 5:43am<b>izkiz</b> - the 02/28/2015 at 4:01pm<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 11/16/2014 at 12:00am<b>laneyk07</b> - the 09/06/2014 at 12:43am<b>countryb_cth</b> - the 09/03/2014 at 4:28am<b>ThatSlappinBass</b> - the 03/25/2014 at 10:26pm<b>swick25</b> - the 02/28/2014 at 7:03pm<b>angelk19</b> - the 02/16/2014 at 4:48pm<b>squartle</b> - the 01/16/2014 at 8:53pm<b>Rababco</b> - the 01/15/2014 at 12:07am<b>thedeadmen</b> - the 12/08/2013 at 1:16pm<b>maximus_black</b> - the 12/02/2013 at 12:15am<b>ohishkabibble</b> - the 11/29/2013 at 4:09am<b>cosicosei</b> - the 10/19/2013 at 1:45am<b>dropdeadluverrr</b> - the 10/07/2013 at 2:14am

Enzi's FML badges

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of Enzi's badges

Enzi's favorite FMLs

Today, I was lying on my recliner watching TV when I dropped the remote under the footrest. I got down on my hands and knees and pushed the footrest into the chair. The moment I touched the remote, the footrest deployed and hit me square in the face. FML

#13035925
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20100) - you deserved it (5559)

On 09/13/2010 at 3:33pm - misc - by Joplin - United Kingdom

Today, I was in a public restroom with my 4 year old daughter. I took her in the stall with me, and as I was using the restroom she looked down and loudly asked, "Mommy! Why do you have a beard on your peepee?!!" Then I heard everybody in the stalls next to us laughing. FML

#12677495
267 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44658) - you deserved it (13208)

On 08/22/2010 at 2:58am - kids - by Bailey - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I took my brother and nieces to the zoo. Two of the lions at the exhibit were mating, so I said, "They're playing leap-frog." My 4-year-old niece said, "Looks like they're fucking to me." FML

#12663575
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48455) - you deserved it (15107)

On 08/21/2010 at 12:49pm - intimacy - by mc_dreamy - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I started to type up a mass text to tell a decent amount of my friends that I'd just come home to a surprise from my boyfriend. Trying to fix a typo, I accidentally hit send with the text only saying "Guess what?! I just came." FML

#9070560
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26245) - you deserved it (10827)

On 03/14/2010 at 10:49am - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, someone gave me a note to pass along to a girl in class. The note had the girl's name surrounded by hearts. When I gave it to her, she assumed it was a love note from me, and said "Not in a million years, fat ass" before I could say it was from someone else. FML

#8568837
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33147) - you deserved it (3265)

On 02/22/2010 at 9:46pm - love - by Crappyfayman (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my dog farted next to my CPAP sleep/breathing machine. The machine sucked up her fart, compressed it, and promptly injected it up both of my nostrils. FML

#8202300
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39460) - you deserved it (3466)

On 02/13/2010 at 11:08am - animals - by Dog fart - United States

Today, my mom asked me to clean beneath my brother's bed for money. I found a rotten apple, a picture of my best friend, and a dead bird. I got $10. FML

#7420452
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28871) - you deserved it (4364)

On 01/18/2010 at 3:04pm - kids - by Brotherssuckkk - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was standing outside a store about to flirt with this guy when my mother drove up and shouted, "Hurry up, I have diarrhea!" FML

#6824499
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33538) - you deserved it (2788)

On 12/19/2009 at 4:44am - misc - by embaressed (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my daughter turned one month old. I decided to give her a congratulatory kiss on the cheek. She decided to projectile vomit warm breastmilk into my partially open mouth. FML

#5141391
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40890) - you deserved it (5418)

On 09/09/2009 at 12:22am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I went for a jog. While passing by my neighbor's house, their six year old son started throwing peanuts at me screaming, "I hope this kills you!" because I'm allergic to peanuts. FML

#4820623
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54315) - you deserved it (3413)

On 08/25/2009 at 8:52pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was driving on the freeway and there was a dead animal (I think a cat) in the road. The car in front of me decided to merge over. It kicked up part of the dead animal and sent it flying through my open window. I think I got hit in the face with a piece of foot. FML

#4571897
103 comments

Today, as my son carried the cage with live food for his pet lizards up the stairs, I heard the sound of 2,500 baby crickets escaping. FML

#4239314
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47709) - you deserved it (6032)

On 08/02/2009 at 9:29pm - animals - by cricketeer (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my little brother learned that breaking a glow stick and emptying it into someone's eyes does not help them see in the dark. It's a good lesson, I just wish he hadn't used my eyes to learn it. The doctor says the burning feeling should go away in 3 or 4 days. FML

#3503017
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53205) - you deserved it (4766)

On 07/05/2009 at 12:10pm - health - by blinded (man) - United States (Massachusetts)



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