Empyree

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Empyree

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Mushayrib, United Arab Emirates
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1142
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About Empyree : "But a dream within a dream" 1849 by___________!

My music is Violent femmes, weezer, sublime, blink182, the black keys, the strokes. My favorite band is the offspring or nirvana. Favorite song blister in the sun by the violent femmes. if ur bored message me. By the way I'm german

Empyree's page activity

Visits<b>Bulldozer36</b> - the 03/20/2015 at 4:55pm<b>kitty_boo2810</b> - the 11/19/2014 at 7:21pm<b>sonshadsil94</b> - the 09/30/2014 at 12:59am<b>lexielou07</b> - the 09/29/2014 at 9:29pm<b>Antivist</b> - the 09/12/2014 at 9:26pm<b>nerdtoninja</b> - the 09/07/2014 at 1:08am<b>jtrizzle93</b> - the 08/01/2014 at 11:09pm<b>ptv_96</b> - the 08/01/2014 at 2:17am<b>myinsecurities</b> - the 07/30/2014 at 10:40am<b>kiki_1070</b> - the 07/16/2014 at 12:07pm<b>LynxieLynx</b> - the 07/02/2014 at 4:36pm<b>aa1717</b> - the 06/30/2014 at 1:05am<b>thatchick1405</b> - the 06/28/2014 at 8:19pm<b>michaelf461</b> - the 06/27/2014 at 10:17pm<b>Faithilicious123</b> - the 06/25/2014 at 10:26am<b>Prerogative</b> - the 06/25/2014 at 4:12am<b>andy594328</b> - the 06/25/2014 at 2:37am<b>jgilmanx13</b> - the 06/24/2014 at 4:53am

Empyree's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

Beginner

You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

See all of Empyree's badges

Empyree's favorite FMLs

Today, I shaved my pubic area for my fiancé. He told me it looked "like Frodo tried to hack off Gandalf's beard with Gimli's ax." FML

by dancekat / 04/08/2013 at 5:17am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, after sharing my first night in bed with my boyfriend, I woke up early, and decided to rouse him with some surprise oral. It didn't go so well; he woke up screaming and gasped, "OH MY GOD! I thought you were my cat!" before telling me to continue. FML

by anonymaiacciu / 12/21/2012 at 8:16pm / France / Intimacy

Today, feeling angry at the world, I threw a bottle, that had been clearly marked to be recycled, into a garbage can as an act of defiance. Minutes later, I guiltily retreated and spent the next few minutes with my entire arm stuck up the stinking ass of a city garbage can. FML

by Anonymous / 09/12/2012 at 11:58pm / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous

Today, my son displayed an interest in chess, and asked me to teach him to play. Five minutes in, I captured his queen. He screamed "SCREW THIS STUPID GAME", slammed his fist down on his pieces, and started crying because of the pain. He's fourteen years old. FML

by Anonymous / 08/13/2012 at 8:55pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids

Today, I visited my new doctor for the migraines I've been getting lately. Right from the start, I could have sworn the guy was on drugs. He just listened to my heartbeat, said, "Well Dave, it sounds like gallstones" and said they'll pass naturally. FML

by davav74 / 06/15/2012 at 7:31pm / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Health

Today, I was having a pleasant jog, that is until I was struck by the terrible feeling of an oncoming turd. Being only about 20 minutes from home, I thought I could make it back without letting the beast out. I was so wrong. The only thing I'm grateful for is that I was carrying the Sunday paper. FML

by fingerhut / 03/03/2012 at 3:27am / United States (California) / Health

Today, my friend and I were playing football in the street, when out of nowhere a homeless man sucker punches me in the gut, grabs my football, and runs away laughing like a maniac. FML

by Username / 02/27/2012 at 7:37pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend referred to his penis as 'The Eye of Sauron'. It didn't help when he pulled down his foreskin, pointed it in my direction and said 'I see you'. FML

by anon / 01/18/2012 at 1:29pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy

Today, after having a naked wrestle with my boyfriend, I discovered he'd left a skidmark on my stomach. FML

by Crashburn / 01/16/2012 at 6:09am / United Kingdom (Sheffield) / Love

Today, while spending the night at a friend's house, I was woken up by someone kicking me. I figured she was having a nightmare, and since we were sharing a bed, I reached over to wake her up. Turns out it was her boyfriend trying to push me off the bed because they were having sex. FML

by Anonymous / 01/14/2012 at 6:40pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my mother sold my extensive Star Wars collection, and I cried when I found out. I'm 46. FML

by Oja1 / 12/15/2011 at 11:26pm / United States (Montana) / Miscellaneous

Today, was the first day of my sophomore year. While receiving my schedule, I burst into tears at the sight of a disfigured midget. I'm now seen as the school bitch for making fun of a midget. I have a genuine fear of midgets. FML

by maryrain / 08/11/2011 at 5:35am / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was released from jail. I had helped a three year old girl get up after falling on a wet floor at the mall last night when the security guards tasered me. Only this morning did they tell me they had mistaken me for a child molester that looks a little bit like me. FML

by Anonymous / 01/25/2011 at 4:15pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, my grandmother told me to say "sofa king retarded" really fast. Not only did it take me several attempts to figure out what it meant, I'm now grounded by my mother for having a foul mouth. FML

by bribreeeeeezyfreshhh / 12/06/2010 at 12:03pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, our class was focusing on discrimination, and our teacher asked us if anyone had ever felt discriminated against. I put my hand up to share a story, and my teacher immediately said "It's because you're ginger, isn't it?" That's not what I was going to say. FML

by gingerninja / 11/02/2010 at 1:43pm / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous