Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?


Offline (the 11/23/2015 at 1:59am) | Search for a member



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 24 September 1998 (17 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1874
  • Number of comments : 91
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 9 posted

About Eliseopwns : I'm a cyclist, swimmer, and huge geek... that's about it. I love video games, anime, and movies.

Steam, Xbox, and PS are all Eliseopwns, add me so we can get a gaming sesh going B)

Eliseopwns's page activity

Visits<b>michaelm1290</b> - yesterday at 1:06pm<b>rainbowsRlove</b> - the 11/18/2015 at 3:35pm<b>gobiteme2</b> - the 11/14/2015 at 8:42pm<b>sanchogrim</b> - the 11/12/2015 at 1:17pm<b>SorrowsReward</b> - the 11/07/2015 at 3:08am<b>chosenone1903</b> - the 11/02/2015 at 9:08am<b>liv1222</b> - the 10/31/2015 at 2:13pm<b>Envy22</b> - the 10/24/2015 at 12:34pm<b>julianbozikovic</b> - the 10/22/2015 at 5:13pm<b>orios105</b> - the 10/21/2015 at 5:01am<b>youdumbstick</b> - the 10/15/2015 at 12:51pm<b>Anthony_Camacho</b> - the 10/11/2015 at 10:59am<b>chevycop</b> - the 10/10/2015 at 3:29am<b>ratman775</b> - the 10/09/2015 at 3:37am<b>19Hahaha11</b> - the 10/01/2015 at 10:57pm<b>HarshD9619</b> - the 10/01/2015 at 8:05am<b>colinabi</b> - the 09/29/2015 at 8:49pm<b>americanafrican</b> - the 09/28/2015 at 5:33pm

Fucked!<b>SorrowsReward</b> - the 11/07/2015 at 9:08am<b>oops6663</b> - the 09/26/2015 at 4:38pm<b>carebear1228</b> - the 08/01/2015 at 4:41am<b>kunal222</b> - the 08/01/2015 at 3:26am<b>Kevinmeowbeanz</b> - the 07/27/2015 at 12:35am<b>badboy8125</b> - the 07/02/2015 at 2:24pm<b>DoomSkuller</b> - the 06/17/2015 at 11:41pm<b>emmatheamazingx</b> - the 05/23/2015 at 3:25pm<b>Acerhawk</b> - the 05/22/2015 at 3:37am<b>ToxicPlant</b> - the 05/08/2015 at 3:05am<b>apineapple</b> - the 05/05/2015 at 3:15am<b>I_Am_A_Rock</b> - the 05/03/2015 at 1:06am<b>lochiamochia</b> - the 05/02/2015 at 6:44pm<b>thee_most_dope</b> - the 05/01/2015 at 6:16am<b>trellz17</b> - the 04/25/2015 at 6:59pm<b>sh4rpestl1ves</b> - the 04/25/2015 at 5:43am<b>swanheart</b> - the 04/17/2015 at 8:58pm<b>D_Word_Head</b> - the 04/16/2015 at 4:27am

Eliseopwns's FML badges

The rules are the rules

Reading the comment rules is a really good idea. This badge is sponsored by our moderating team.


You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

What'cha looking at?

You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.

See all of Eliseopwns's badges

Eliseopwns's favorite FMLs

Today, I had to get a colonoscopy. Which wouldn't have been so bad if they had removed the camera from my rectum before waking me up. FML


I agree, your life sucks (29610) - you deserved it (2029)

On 04/17/2015 at 12:56am - health - by Camera - United States (California)

Today, I found out that turkeys can fly. I also found out how much a new windshield costs. FML


I agree, your life sucks (31308) - you deserved it (2767)

On 04/12/2015 at 2:29pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, my dad turned off our cable. The reason? His favorite character from The Walking Dead died. FML


I agree, your life sucks (33412) - you deserved it (3375)

On 03/16/2015 at 12:37am - misc - by jfields2474 - United States (California)

Today, while in the waiting room at the dentist's, some kids were running and screaming. One of them stopped right beside me, turned to face me, and threw up in my lap. FML


I agree, your life sucks (33677) - you deserved it (2357)

On 02/06/2015 at 12:32pm - health - by alostr1 - United States

Today, both my female flatmate and my gay male flatmate have got their boyfriends round. They've both stuck 'Do Not Disturb' signs on their bedroom doors and are both playing music which doesn't quite muffle the sounds of what they're up to. I haven't had a date in over six months. FML


I agree, your life sucks (34480) - you deserved it (3970)

On 01/12/2015 at 7:53am - love - by fukinlonely (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend gave me a long, philosophical explanation about how he doesn't love me, but we should still have sex. FML


I agree, your life sucks (38385) - you deserved it (3670)

On 12/07/2014 at 11:35pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I realized how bad my depression has gotten when I caught myself fantasizing about suicide while having sex with my husband. FML


I agree, your life sucks (59297) - you deserved it (7110)

On 12/16/2013 at 2:55am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I had to explain to my son why it is not okay to slap old women's butts. He's 16. FML


I agree, your life sucks (37230) - you deserved it (4695)

On 09/24/2013 at 5:01pm - kids - by mandm - United States (New York)

Today, I was waitressing at work, when a woman decided to change her baby's nappy on a table. One moment I was asking her to leave, and the next, she was shoving a fully shat-out nappy into my hands. She asked me to get rid of it and fetch her baby wipes. FML


I agree, your life sucks (41083) - you deserved it (3450)

On 09/01/2013 at 3:35pm - work - by aisbash (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got my girlfriend to play Smash Bros Brawl with me. As it was her first time, I set up handicaps to give her at least a shot at winning. She won, quite handily. A little irritated at this, I took off the handicaps and tried again. She beat me even faster. FML


I agree, your life sucks (41869) - you deserved it (24946)

On 08/21/2013 at 11:17am - misc - by Loser (man) - United States

Today, I walked in on my daughter hugging and sobbing into her Edward Cullen cut-out. She won't tell me what's wrong, yet she can confide in a creepy fictional stalker whose facial expression is locked to "chronically constipated". Where did I go wrong? FML


I agree, your life sucks (50337) - you deserved it (7314)

On 07/12/2013 at 7:18pm - kids - by So little trust. (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, the extremely uncooperative client whom I'm trying to defend in court sent me a letter in which he threatened to sue me, because charging him for my services supposedly violates his "constipational rights". FML


I agree, your life sucks (49105) - you deserved it (3758)

On 05/19/2013 at 5:27pm - work - by harrington61 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was feeling down about being the only single person out of a group of eight friends. Out of desperation, I made up "Jonny", a hot fitness instructor whom I recently hooked up with. Now "Jonny" and I have been invited to a friends' night out. FML


I agree, your life sucks (19772) - you deserved it (71650)

On 05/12/2013 at 5:09pm - love - by forever alone - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend bought me a silver necklace. I have a silver allergy, but I thanked him anyway and encouraged him to return it. I found out later that he knew about my allergy all along and bought it on purpose so he could return it, get a refund, and still look good. FML


I agree, your life sucks (60994) - you deserved it (4850)

On 05/09/2013 at 3:12pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Norway (Oslo)

Today, my fiancée broke off our engagement. For some bizarre reason, she'd hidden a pair of expensive boots and her iPad underneath our ride-on mower. I turned the mower on and destroyed both without realizing it. According to her, the fault is all mine. FML


I agree, your life sucks (55374) - you deserved it (3838)

On 04/29/2013 at 2:07pm - love - by Wow. Really? - United States (Ohio)

C comme Line's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Céline's illustrated FML
  • Hi gang! It’s a day of national pride over near the FML offices. There's a time for everything, and even if the desire to piss about to release the tension is huge, we mustn’t forget that we can…

Friday 27 November 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: