El_patron

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El_patron

2Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 4126
  • Number of comments : 65
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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El_patron's page activity

Visits<b>Red_Curls1995</b> - the 06/27/2016 at 11:53am<b>shupwhup</b> - the 06/05/2016 at 12:55am<b>serpent_king</b> - the 04/06/2016 at 10:57pm<b>kylo_117</b> - the 03/15/2016 at 8:10pm<b>starlandmarie</b> - the 02/21/2016 at 2:05pm<b>heroqucas</b> - the 01/11/2016 at 5:16am<b>MrConfusion</b> - the 12/30/2015 at 1:52pm<b>Scrambled</b> - the 11/01/2015 at 10:34am<b>panromantic</b> - the 10/31/2015 at 9:51pm<b>Princess_Eevee9</b> - the 09/26/2015 at 7:49pm<b>kangx1</b> - the 08/27/2015 at 11:48pm<b>Death_The_Kid15</b> - the 08/27/2015 at 10:51pm<b>nachomanwon</b> - the 08/07/2015 at 11:56pm<b>Mitchellbassists</b> - the 08/01/2015 at 12:29pm<b>One_Way</b> - the 07/17/2015 at 6:33pm<b>oakcrush</b> - the 07/14/2015 at 8:36pm<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 06/05/2015 at 12:42am<b>rylaii</b> - the 05/25/2015 at 8:09pm

Fucked!<b>Death_The_Kid15</b> - the 08/28/2015 at 4:51am<b>AE101</b> - the 10/12/2014 at 5:39pm

El_patron's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

El_patron's favorite FMLs

Today, I took my Catholic girlfriend home to meet my family for the first time. My brother thought it would be civil to spend over an hour insulting her religion and explaining in detail the many ways in which "the Force" is superior. FML

by Jace / 08/19/2011 at 6:36pm / United Kingdom (Aberdeen City) / Love

Today, my boyfriend decided it'd be funny to create a "place" on Facebook for my vagina. Now he "checks-in" every time we have sex. FML

by INside / 08/02/2011 at 12:52am / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I was in a restroom sitting on the toilet, when the guy right next to me noticed my AC/DC boxers around my ankles and started to sing "Back in Black." FML

by sofargone420 / 07/29/2011 at 10:27am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to a concert with my boyfriend. I was repeatedly ass-grabbed, grinded on and hit on by guys. My boyfriend's response was, "As long as they continue to bring you free beer, let them get a little feel of what they are paying for." FML

by unknown / 06/15/2011 at 6:20am / United States (California) / Love

Today, while discussing having sex for the first time with my boyfriend, I asked what method of birth control we should use. He replied, "Anal." FML

by Anonymous / 04/03/2011 at 9:46pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend and I were playfully arguing about who loved the other more. After about a minute of this, my girlfriend walked over and kicked me in the crotch as hard as she could. She then said, "There, now you don't love me as much. I win." FML

by ouch / 03/28/2011 at 11:33pm / United States (Arizona) / Love

Today, I was sitting beside a very cute girl on a 3 hour bus trip with my class. She fell asleep, head on my lap. She woke up because my erection was jabbing her in the cheek. FML

by dickface / 03/28/2011 at 4:13pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, while sitting on the couch, my boyfriend came over, pulled his penis out of his fly, and started stabbing me in the face with it while humming the Jaws theme. FML

by Anonymous / 02/15/2011 at 2:28pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by creating an account on Runescape; his favorite game. After finding him in-game, I started talking to him, not revealing who I was. After a while, I asked him if he had a girlfriend. He promptly said no and asked me for nude pics. FML

by Samyett / 02/09/2011 at 2:22pm / United States / Love

Today, my dad’s best friend, who has been his business associate for the past 28 years, took me to a Star Wars store for my 18th birthday. He put on a Darth Vader helmet, and imitating his voice, said: "I am your father." I laughed. It wasn’t a joke. FML

by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 4:53am / France / Miscellaneous

Today, I went down on my boyfriend while he was drunk, and he told me to get protection from his bedroom. I came back, he was passed out on the couch. His parents then came into the room after hearing noises. I was sitting there naked holding a condom while he was fast asleep. FML

by Anonymous / 01/04/2011 at 4:01am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Intimacy

Today, I went to get my hair highlighted at the salon. The salonist mixed up my blonde hair dye with some other girl's hot pink and violet dye. Now I look like a cheap hooker. FML

by linda / 11/22/2010 at 4:14pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I'm at work as a security guard. At a morgue. Why am I here? FML

by Anonymous / 11/18/2010 at 10:04pm / United States / Work

Today, I bought one of my favorite albums from when I was growing up. When I looked at the liner notes, I learned that my favorite song on the album wasn't about taking a bath, but about going to a brothel. My second-favorite isn't about moving, but about suicide. My childhood just shattered. FML

by nilssonfan / 11/17/2010 at 3:08am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I tried on the new dress I bought for myself. I, for once, thought I looked pretty all right. I asked my dog, "How do I look?" and she threw up on my pillow. My brother can't stop laughing. FML

by Anonymous / 11/14/2010 at 4:42am / United States (California) / Animals