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This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
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Edyn04's favorite FMLs
by Hugh_Jankles / 01/08/2010 at 1:48pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I threw a party while my parents were gone. I forgot that our alarm automatically turns on at 11 pm, so when people opened the door, it went off. I couldn't find the number for the alarm company, so the cops showed up. Everyone started cheering because they thought they were strippers. FML
by Life of the party / 08/19/2009 at 1:13am / Miscellaneous
Today, I was on the phone bragging to a friend about losing my virginity last night. When I went downstairs, my 6 year old sister was digging through my purse. She explained that she had overheard my conversation and wanted to help me find my virginity. My mom was in the kitchen with us. FML
by bubbalicious / 08/13/2009 at 4:57pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
Today, I was approached by the head cheerleader, and she asked for my number. I was so excited that I gave it to her without question. Then she smiled, and walked away. Too bad my girlfriend was right behind me when it happened. FML
by A.L.Woody / 08/11/2009 at 2:42am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
Today, while eating at a restaurant, I commented to the waiter about how large the pizza was. He then writes down his number, pats his crotch fondly, and informs me that "everything" I'm going to find at that restaurant is going to be big. He was serious. FML
by Screwupify / 08/06/2009 at 11:05am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by Kimberly / 07/25/2009 at 5:55am / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I was at Target with my mom and we finished purchasing our items. We had gotten a fan so I said, "This thing is too big to fit in." First thing my mom yells? "THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!" and starts laughing hysterically in front of the entire store. FML
by embarrassed / 07/12/2009 at 2:25pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by marriedwithfamily / 06/29/2009 at 8:57pm / United States (Connecticut) / Holidays
by Jeweler / 06/26/2009 at 2:13am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Posty / 05/18/2009 at 2:38pm / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was telling my mother about my earrings hurting my ears. I had a cut on my ear close to the piercing and she thought that I had mistaken the cut for the opening, and said (as we walked past a car full of men), "Well of course it hurts when you put it in the wrong hole!". FML
by Anonymous / 05/18/2009 at 8:40am / United Kingdom (Belfast) / Intimacy
Today, while working my job as a cashier, one of the customers that came to the register was a midget. As part of store policy, I had to ID him, and his driver's license said he was from Florida. So I asked, without catching myself, "How's the weather down there?" FML
by Failoffel / 05/09/2009 at 10:05pm / United States (Connecticut) / Work
by notsexy / 05/09/2009 at 11:51am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
Today, I picked up my passport, as my previous one was damaged in a car crash. As the teller warns me that a pattern of damaged passports will result in longer processing periods, she spills her coffee - all over my new passport. I'm supposed to go overseas in a month. FML
by Anonymous / 05/07/2009 at 12:29am / Korea Republic of (Seoul-t'ukpyolsi) / Holidays
Today, was my first meeting with business partners as I am new to the team. Instead of saying that I was looking forward to "stretching my legs" or "spreading my wings", I told them I was anxious to start "spreading my legs". FML
by Anonymous / 05/06/2009 at 2:04am / United States (Minnesota) / Work
- Today, as I was getting dressed after having sex with a guy I like, he told me I looked better with… Today, we went boating with friends. For some reason the bottom of our tube deflated, causing me to… Today, I had to take an emergency contraceptive. I was talking to my boyfriend about it, and I told…