About Doxy : Currently living in my fortress of solitude err I mean awkwardness with penguins and Superman.
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Doxy's favorite FMLs
Today, being near-broke, I resorted to shopping at Walmart. Barely ten minutes in, an obese sack of lard posing as a human being shoved me away from the bacon I was looking at. I fell, busted my lip, then got screamed at by another woman for not watching where I was going. FML
by Anonymous / 06/22/2013 at 4:55pm / United States / Health
by Anonymous / 06/22/2013 at 2:39am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy
Today, my mom cut off the legs of all my pants, because she says I don't show enough skin for guys. I'm now forced to wear jaggedly cut shorts that barely cover my thighs until I can buy new ones. FML
by Anonymous / 06/21/2013 at 4:27pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, while bagging my groceries at a store, a lady came over to me, took a good look at the food I'd bought, picked out an item and put it in her bag. When I confronted her, she called security on me and told them I wanted to steal her stuff. I got thrown out and she walked away with a smirk. FML
by what_the_hell / 06/20/2013 at 4:35am / Finland (Southern Finland) / Money
Today, I was at the airport when I saw a woman drop her bags and run to her husband. Thinking that someone might steal them, I picked up her bags and brought them over to her. She thanked me by slapping me, calling me a bitch and calling security. FML
by Anonymous / 06/19/2013 at 8:13pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
Today, at my job at my tattoo parlor, yet another client offered to pay for his tattoo by "letting" me sleep with him. This client happens to be my boyfriend's best friend, whose girlfriend is having me tattoo his name on her wrist next week. FML
by notkatvond / 06/19/2013 at 2:46pm / United States / Work
by CatLover<3 / 06/18/2013 at 7:27pm / United States (Texas) / Animals
Today, my husband was in our newborn's room, holding and talking to him. I guess he forgot the baby monitor, because I overheard him say, "Wanna know a secret? Daddy kills people." I really hope he was just quoting Dexter. FML
by imarriedanaxemurderer / 06/18/2013 at 1:01am / United States (Illinois) / Kids
by Anonymous / 06/17/2013 at 1:52pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by hinting / 06/17/2013 at 12:43pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
Today, my dad refused to believe that the Animal Planet's mermaid mockumentaries were faked. Instead he got into a huge argument with me, claiming the government is covering up the existence of mermaids and must've threatened the producers to keep it quiet. FML
by Idontbelieveinmagic / 06/17/2013 at 1:42am / United States (Nevada) / Transportation
Today, after dating for almost a year, I decided to introduce my parents to the man I was sure I'd fallen in love with. When dad saw him, his and my boyfriend's face completely dropped. I asked them what was wrong because I could feel the discomfort. Turns out, I'm dating my dad's drug dealer. FML
by explanations / 06/14/2013 at 2:48am / United States (Illinois) / Love
by Anonymous / 06/13/2013 at 8:30pm / United Kingdom (Southampton) / Love
Today, at my wedding, the minister forgot to skip the "does anyone object?" part. My mother stood up and gave a lengthy reason, which caused my future in-laws to start shouting. It turned into a small riot, and no, we're not married now. FML
by Anonymous / 06/12/2013 at 12:27pm / United States (Washington) / Love
Today, my boyfriend was extremely nervous to meet my parents but I made him do it anyway. One of the first things out of his mouth was, "I'm glad you had sex." When they gave him a look of shock, he added, "You know, when you made your daughter! She's awesome!" FML
by lsababy / 06/11/2013 at 2:46pm / United States (Michigan) / Love
- Today I got a message from a girl I've been dating; I've dated a few women the last couple of years… Today, I got a letter saying I have got a 1.55% pay rise which is an extra £24 per month. I should… Today, while getting intimate with me boyfriend, he was sucking and biting on my inner thighs when…