Dlzq

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Offline (the 12/14/2015 at 6:40am)

Dlzq

30Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 7 June 1999 (17 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 941
  • Number of comments : 70
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

About Dlzq : Hey,
15 y/o kid.
I'm just here to have a laugh once in a while. If you want, just hmu, I love talking to new people.

Dlzq's page activity

Visits<b>Itineranthuman</b> - the 06/11/2016 at 2:31pm<b>im_a_squid</b> - the 05/22/2016 at 11:28pm<b>Kitteh8601</b> - the 05/20/2016 at 12:00am<b>Buckgirl26</b> - the 05/04/2016 at 12:05am<b>ragnarok1540</b> - the 03/15/2016 at 1:01am<b>Stripes12345</b> - the 02/23/2016 at 5:45pm<b>ddietlin</b> - the 01/28/2016 at 8:50pm<b>Jmancw</b> - the 01/06/2016 at 8:02pm<b>georgia_pine</b> - the 01/06/2016 at 11:24am<b>LogicalNightmare</b> - the 12/20/2015 at 1:32am<b>prezkal</b> - the 11/30/2015 at 12:05am<b>Malteser95</b> - the 11/07/2015 at 9:19am<b>dcs00</b> - the 11/05/2015 at 9:01pm<b>fishingforubies2</b> - the 10/17/2015 at 9:33pm<b>missmorggan</b> - the 08/12/2015 at 10:10pm<b>JustMe1600</b> - the 07/31/2015 at 11:41pm<b>perfect_heart13</b> - the 07/19/2015 at 9:12pm<b>callabos921</b> - the 07/18/2015 at 3:07pm

Fucked!<b>Kitteh8601</b> - the 05/20/2016 at 6:00am<b>ddietlin</b> - the 01/29/2016 at 2:51am<b>JustMe1600</b> - the 08/01/2015 at 5:42am<b>pizzzzza</b> - the 07/07/2015 at 11:04am<b>lindacollins423</b> - the 07/07/2015 at 8:39am<b>MelodySackett123</b> - the 07/03/2015 at 3:56pm<b>ally_sanderson</b> - the 06/03/2015 at 3:55am<b>annarcheer</b> - the 05/05/2015 at 1:32am<b>abylenee_</b> - the 04/21/2015 at 6:16am<b>DejaRenee</b> - the 03/15/2015 at 10:33pm<b>manlove38</b> - the 03/15/2015 at 10:14pm<b>Emi1y</b> - the 03/15/2015 at 8:19pm<b>Zigstyle308</b> - the 03/15/2015 at 3:53pm<b>Psycho_Girl1</b> - the 03/15/2015 at 1:27pm<b>brookiee527</b> - the 03/10/2015 at 3:17am<b>Lustig_Junge</b> - the 03/09/2015 at 3:35pm<b>juststephhere</b> - the 03/08/2015 at 12:10am<b>AHzulu</b> - the 03/07/2015 at 8:20pm

Dlzq's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

See all of Dlzq's badges

Dlzq's favorite FMLs

Today, on my day off, I received a call from my boss asking why I wasn't at work yet. After getting dressed and an hour-long train ride later, I got there only to find out that it was an April Fool's prank. I had to take the train back home. FML

by IDontGetPaidEnoughForThisShit / 03/31/2015 at 10:15pm / Australia (Victoria) / Work

Today, a really drunk couple staggered into the store I work at. One of them yelled at me, "Hey you! Kid! Tell us where the booze is at!" This would have been funny if these people weren't my parents. FML

by DrunkParents / 03/31/2015 at 7:32pm / United States (Montana) / Work

Today, I was sitting in a library when a cute boy approached me, so I grabbed the nearest book. When he asked me what I was reading, I said I was revising for an English test. He laughed and pointed out that my book was in French. FML

by ip7 / 03/31/2015 at 3:24pm / United Kingdom (West Sussex) / Miscellaneous

Today, my teacher took my test along with another student's and gave us both a zero. Why? Because we both have colds so when we breathe through our nose it makes a sniffle noise. She thought we were using a secret code to communicate by sniffling. FML

by Mr. Sniffles / 03/23/2015 at 11:43am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML

by Fuck / 02/25/2015 at 4:39pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, it was the day my catheter was to be removed. The nurse removing it deflated the balloon, and then tried pulling it out. After me screaming in extreme pain, she found out she hadn't actually deflated the balloon all the way. She was trying to pull a small balloon through my dick hole. FML

Today, my coworker pointed to our nervous new intern and asked who he was. I jokingly said, "Can't you tell? He's our new slave." I then quickly realized how bad that sounded, given the intern is black. FML

by smooth / 12/30/2014 at 8:39pm / United States / Work

Today, my obsessive stalker of an ex found my girlfriend on Facebook and sent her a message saying just ":)". For some reason I'll never understand, she took this as a sign that I'd just slept with my ex. Now I'm single, and my ex is probably planning her next move. FML

by Anonymous / 12/26/2014 at 4:03pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Love

Today, I witnessed my very overweight cat trying to jump over my fence, only to shit himself half way up, and then land in it. FML

by Mr_snuggels / 12/24/2014 at 3:05pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my son drank a bottle of hot sauce. It wasn't a dare, he actually thought that it would give him a fever so that he could skip school tomorrow. This idiot is 15 years old. FML

by Anonymous / 10/12/2014 at 8:38pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids

Today, in the middle of sex, my husband accidentally headbutted me, almost knocking me unconscious. FML

by KO / 10/12/2014 at 12:45pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, my loving five-year-old daughter started singing Christmas carols again. Ones that she made up herself, of course. Including "Walking in a fucking wonderland" and "Rudolph the red nosed asshole". FML

by SaintGoobers / 10/06/2014 at 4:24pm / United States (New York) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was rubbing one out in the shower. I guess I got a little too excited, because as I came close to climaxing, I had a serious asthma attack and had to wheeze for help. FML

by Anonymous / 11/29/2013 at 7:17pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She was so happy that she began flapping her hands around and screaming. She was flapping her hands so hard she smacked herself in the face and started crying. FML

by Anonymous / 07/16/2011 at 1:38am / Canada / Love

Today, while shopping with my mother, she handed me a frozen turkey to put in the cart, but ended up swinging it into my nuts instead. I feel like a giant battered eggplant, and I think I'm now impotent. FML

by beateneggs / 03/02/2010 at 2:57pm / United States (Connecticut) / Health