About Dlzq : Hey,
15 y/o kid.
I'm just here to have a laugh once in a while. If you want, just hmu, I love talking to new people.
About Dlzq : Hey,
Dlzq's FML badges
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
Dlzq's favorite FMLs
Today, on my day off, I received a call from my boss asking why I wasn't at work yet. After getting dressed and an hour-long train ride later, I got there only to find out that it was an April Fool's prank. I had to take the train back home. FML
by IDontGetPaidEnoughForThisShit / 03/31/2015 at 10:15pm / Australia (Victoria) / Work
Today, a really drunk couple staggered into the store I work at. One of them yelled at me, "Hey you! Kid! Tell us where the booze is at!" This would have been funny if these people weren't my parents. FML
by DrunkParents / 03/31/2015 at 7:32pm / United States (Montana) / Work
Today, I was sitting in a library when a cute boy approached me, so I grabbed the nearest book. When he asked me what I was reading, I said I was revising for an English test. He laughed and pointed out that my book was in French. FML
by ip7 / 03/31/2015 at 3:24pm / United Kingdom (West Sussex) / Miscellaneous
Today, my teacher took my test along with another student's and gave us both a zero. Why? Because we both have colds so when we breathe through our nose it makes a sniffle noise. She thought we were using a secret code to communicate by sniffling. FML
by Mr. Sniffles / 03/23/2015 at 11:43am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by Fuck / 02/25/2015 at 4:39pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
Today, it was the day my catheter was to be removed. The nurse removing it deflated the balloon, and then tried pulling it out. After me screaming in extreme pain, she found out she hadn't actually deflated the balloon all the way. She was trying to pull a small balloon through my dick hole. FML
by Sheldon76 / 02/24/2015 at 2:43pm / Health
Today, my coworker pointed to our nervous new intern and asked who he was. I jokingly said, "Can't you tell? He's our new slave." I then quickly realized how bad that sounded, given the intern is black. FML
by smooth / 12/30/2014 at 8:39pm / United States / Work
Today, my obsessive stalker of an ex found my girlfriend on Facebook and sent her a message saying just ":)". For some reason I'll never understand, she took this as a sign that I'd just slept with my ex. Now I'm single, and my ex is probably planning her next move. FML
by Anonymous / 12/26/2014 at 4:03pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Love
by Mr_snuggels / 12/24/2014 at 3:05pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals
by Anonymous / 10/12/2014 at 8:38pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids
by KO / 10/12/2014 at 12:45pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, my loving five-year-old daughter started singing Christmas carols again. Ones that she made up herself, of course. Including "Walking in a fucking wonderland" and "Rudolph the red nosed asshole". FML
by SaintGoobers / 10/06/2014 at 4:24pm / United States (New York) / Kids
by Anonymous / 11/29/2013 at 7:17pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 07/16/2011 at 1:38am / Canada / Love
Today, while shopping with my mother, she handed me a frozen turkey to put in the cart, but ended up swinging it into my nuts instead. I feel like a giant battered eggplant, and I think I'm now impotent. FML
by beateneggs / 03/02/2010 at 2:57pm / United States (Connecticut) / Health
- Today, my large dog sprinted outside to see my step dad because he thought he was going on a walk.… Today, my boss called me into his office to discuss why I am so unhappy in my new job. In summary -… Today, my best friend that I've had a crush on for years said I remind him of his mom, and for that…