Divinecobra

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Divinecobra

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  • Birth Date : Not specified
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  • Number of visits : 2468
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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Divinecobra's page activity

Visits<b>MailMan11</b> - the 06/25/2013 at 1:18am

Divinecobra's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

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Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

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Divinecobra's favorite FMLs

Today, my boss's obese bully of a grandson had a seizure. Being the only physician around, I had to rush in to tend to him. Except it wasn't a seizure as such. My daughter had found my taser and used it on him. FML

by Anonymous / 11/26/2013 at 2:05pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, I tried to put the little girl I babysit in timeout for lying to me. I was about to sit her down when she made a mad dash for the basement stairs, slipped on the wood floor, and fell down them. She told her parents and everyone at the ER that I had thrown her down the stairs. FML

by little_star78 / 11/13/2013 at 6:08am / United States (Michigan) / Kids

Today, I found out that the nice guy who comes to my workplace every morning to bring me a smoothie also makes a point of putting his knob in it before giving it to me. Also, all my coworkers knew about this and think it's hilarious. FML

by littledipper / 09/24/2013 at 11:51pm / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I had to explain to my son why it is not okay to slap old women's butts. He's 16. FML

by mandm / 09/24/2013 at 5:01pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, my girlfriend made bacon sandwiches for lunch. I didn't want to be rude, but I couldn't help but mention that the bacon smelled and tasted weird. I thought it may have expired. She said not to worry because she used the dry bacon under the counter. Those were dog treats. FML

by Undercooked / 09/24/2013 at 3:08pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my ex-wife put my number on Craigslist as a gay fashion designer needing a one night stand. I only found out when I got a text from an unknown number asking me when was the last time I "ate a black anaconda". FML

by Craigslist is Evil. / 09/24/2013 at 2:12pm / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy

Today, my online order arrived earlier than I expected. I opened it to find some kind of anal sex toy. Whoever this is for is going to be disappointed when they get my 3DS game. FML

by Anonymous / 09/24/2013 at 12:16pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to explain to my brother why it's not OK to stick his knob in the toaster. FML

by latter / 09/23/2013 at 8:05pm / United States (Maryland) / Kids

Today, my best friend told me that she no longer wants to cut herself because now she's madly in love with a guy in our school. She doesn't know that he's gay. FML

by friend loves a gay guy... / 09/23/2013 at 4:49pm / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, my little sister opened a lemonade stand in front of our house. Surprisingly, she actually had a lot of customers, all kids. Two hours or so later, some parents came back complaining and threatening to sue my family. Turns out that what we thought was lemonade was actually beer. FML

Today, my cousin texted me, asking how the chicken pizza had settled in my stomach. We got drunk last night and had pizza. I thought it was cheese; it was chicken. I've been vegetarian for 7 years. FML

by Aly / 08/15/2013 at 3:10am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my 12-year-old son was shot in the foot. After hours of not talking, including to the police, he finally told us that his friend accidentally shot him with his dad's gun, and that he didn't want to say anything because he didn't want to "lose any street cred by snitching." FML

by Anonymous / 08/14/2013 at 12:26am / United States (Texas) / Kids

Today, I went to my boss's dinner party. My sister, who also works with me, sat across from me at the table. I felt her kick me so I kicked her back. Then I heard something start crying. It was the boss's baby crawling under the table. FML

by offuckingcourse / 08/06/2013 at 1:07am / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I was reading in my apartment. Due to a heatwave and my lack of AC, I was completely naked. My cat jumped onto my lap, and as her claws dug into my stomach, I recoiled. This caused her to retreat, clawing at my nether regions in the process. My pussy mauled my pussy. FML

by Anonymous / 07/29/2013 at 5:18pm / United States / Animals

Today, the great deal on my new apartment has turned into a nightmare. I keep hearing extremely weird sounds almost every night, and when I tried taking pics of the place today, my camera's face recognition feature kept activating, but only in my bedroom. I'm scared shitless. FML

by notenoughunderwearintheworld / 07/21/2013 at 4:54pm / South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal) / Transportation