About DerrickJames : I was once able to speak Quenya (LOTR Elvish Language) fluently. I hop on FML to help me realize how little my problems are and get a cheap laugh every once in awhile. 23-years-old. Clinical psych major. Feel free to message me!
DerrickJames's FML badges
The Thumb strikes back
You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.
Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.
You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.
DerrickJames's favorite FMLs
Today, I came home and saw on our fridge, "Please don't drink anymore, I really worry about your health" written by my 7-year-old daughter. I figured she wouldn't ever find out, so I opened the fridge. But I found another note on a can that said "So you're going to drink anyway?" FML
by Anonymous / 03/21/2009 at 12:46am / United States (Florida) / Kids
by Jesse / 03/20/2009 at 1:48am / United States (Kentucky) / Transportation
Today, I went to a party and the cops came to bust the party. I jumped out the window of a second story house in order to avoid getting arrested. I broke my leg in three places and got a concussion. The cops let everyone go with a warning. FML
by natty / 03/16/2009 at 12:02pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, my family and I were at a restaurant. We're Swedish and love talking about people in our language because no one ever understands here. I decided to comment about how ugly the girl at the next table was. She turned around and goes "Dra åt helvete." That's Swedish for "Go to hell." FML
by SwedishBozo / 03/14/2009 at 9:30pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, after taping 5-year-olds do a skit at an improv camp, I used the camera's view-finder to zoom in on a female co-worker's chest. Another female co-worker tapped me on the shoulder to show that the TV was still connected to the camera. Parents, kids, and instructors all witnessed it. FML
by Noname / 03/13/2009 at 9:06pm / United States (Arkansas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
by RC3Welly / 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, I had to run to catch my train, so I didn't get the chance to buy a ticket. When the conductor was in sight, I saw he was a young man and I opened my top a little, in hopes of not having to pay a fine. When I told him I didn't buy a ticket he said: "Close your top, I'm gay". FML
by Mulee / 03/07/2009 at 7:03am / Belgium (Brussels Hoofdstedelijk Gewest) / Intimacy
Today, I walked into my house to find everyone sitting around the table and looking sad. I thought it would be a good time to crack a joke and said "What's wrong? Grandma finally die?" Turns out she had. FML
by ubbernoob / 03/05/2009 at 2:33pm / United States (Arkansas) / Health
by Noname / 03/05/2009 at 1:01am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, I was walking when a man pointed a camera at me. I got bitchy about it, and said "Did I say you could take a picture?" He replied with, "No, but can you get the fuck out of the way so I can take one of my wife and kids?" I turned around, and they were right behind me. FML
by PicturePerfect / 03/02/2009 at 4:33pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mom had my girlfriend and me over. Out of the blue, she pulled out my grandmother's wedding ring and gave it to me saying I can now propose. My girlfriend started screaming and said yes. I have been seeing someone else for 3 months and was going to break up with my girlfriend tomorrow. FML
by MrCanoe / 03/01/2009 at 4:58pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Love
Today, I spent 300 dollars making colored flyers for my iPhone that I lost. On the flyer I wrote for whoever found it to call me and I would give a reward. I wrote the phone number of my iPhone that I lost. FML
by Mike / 02/28/2009 at 9:42pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Geek
by ihavepinkbackpac / 02/28/2009 at 2:07pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by apricot / 02/09/2009 at 7:46pm / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Intimacy
by Dulieu / 02/09/2009 at 7:41pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Love
- Today, I brought my girlfriend home while my parents were at work, and things got a little heated.… Today, I was babysitting this 12 year old. We were watching a movie, and he was being an angel just… Today, out of curiosity, I measured the length of my penis whilst in the shower. A couple of hours…