DerrickJames

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Offline (the 06/22/2016 at 12:38am)

DerrickJames

61Fucked!

DerrickJamesDerrickJames
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 4274
  • Number of comments : 214
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About DerrickJames : I was once able to speak Quenya (LOTR Elvish Language) fluently. I hop on FML to help me realize how little my problems are and get a cheap laugh every once in awhile. 23-years-old. Clinical psych major. Feel free to message me!

DerrickJames's page activity

Visits<b>SCNash</b> - 3 hours ago<b>andrew_723</b> - the 09/12/2016 at 3:10pm<b>Sia_Will</b> - the 08/23/2016 at 2:28am<b>ryannstevenn</b> - the 08/01/2016 at 2:14pm<b>armedenglish96</b> - the 07/27/2016 at 8:23am<b>oj101</b> - the 07/27/2016 at 3:06am<b>jesstanothergurl</b> - the 07/19/2016 at 10:00am<b>kayms0</b> - the 07/14/2016 at 11:43pm<b>ImKimitheEmo</b> - the 06/27/2016 at 12:06pm<b>mkmon7</b> - the 06/21/2016 at 9:44pm<b>Patsuan</b> - the 06/14/2016 at 2:58pm<b>GabrielleFrance</b> - the 06/12/2016 at 9:25am<b>ciaraash</b> - the 06/10/2016 at 11:01am<b>LadyKayDee</b> - the 06/04/2016 at 7:45pm<b>logan12382</b> - the 05/31/2016 at 10:47pm<b>AnnaMuffin</b> - the 05/24/2016 at 4:52pm<b>im_a_squid</b> - the 05/23/2016 at 7:49pm<b>GarfieldDaCat</b> - the 05/22/2016 at 9:13pm

Fucked!<b>ImKimitheEmo</b> - the 06/27/2016 at 6:00pm<b>Patsuan</b> - the 06/14/2016 at 8:46pm<b>LadyKayDee</b> - the 06/05/2016 at 1:45am<b>ciaraash</b> - the 05/19/2016 at 1:24am<b>bigredmonkeybutt</b> - the 05/19/2016 at 1:16am<b>AnnaMuffin</b> - the 05/13/2016 at 9:43pm<b>moldypickles</b> - the 04/27/2016 at 11:34pm<b>silmisstar</b> - the 04/25/2016 at 6:13pm<b>supermarxiste75</b> - the 03/08/2016 at 7:57pm<b>Hop6e</b> - the 03/07/2016 at 7:40am<b>hardcorefan16</b> - the 02/25/2016 at 9:07pm<b>lulumars</b> - the 02/03/2016 at 2:59am<b>Michelle1121</b> - the 01/29/2016 at 12:22pm<b>yellow33</b> - the 01/29/2016 at 7:21am<b>Hilda_x</b> - the 01/27/2016 at 3:09am<b>luhmae44</b> - the 01/10/2016 at 8:44pm<b>IAm123</b> - the 12/30/2015 at 8:01am<b>Loloo434</b> - the 11/24/2015 at 9:15pm

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DerrickJames's favorite FMLs

Today, I was bored and decided it would be fun to pretend to be an undercover cop and pull over other cars. The first car I pulled over was a real undercover cop. FML

by tvaladie / 04/16/2009 at 8:19pm / United States (Tennessee) / Transportation

Today, my friend and I were seeing a movie. We ended up sitting next to a man who was continually laughing, clapping, and bouncing up and down on his seat. Extremely annoyed, we turned to him and told him to "shut the fuck up". Turns out he had downs syndrome and ran out of the theater crying. FML

by katem / 04/16/2009 at 1:08am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was bored at my job at Home Depot. I got a bar code tattoo 3 weeks ago and thought it would be funny to scan it. I'm a $5.98 160z claw hammer. FML

by tool / 04/09/2009 at 2:03am / United States (Nevada) / Work

Today, I ran over a squirrel. I saw it twitching, so I backed over it to end its suffering. It wasn't a squirrel; it was a kitten. The children it belonged to watched as I ran over their kitten. Twice. FML

by Anonymous / 04/07/2009 at 8:11pm / United States (Virginia) / Animals

Today, we were at the end of our surfing trip watching a photo montage. A picture popped up of an ugly girl surfing so I shouted out "I didn't know Shrek could surf". The room went very quiet. "Shrek" was sitting beside me. FML

by Brastro / 04/07/2009 at 7:46am / Ireland (Kildare) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at the mall shoplifting when a girl who looked my age pointed to a shirt I had in my bag. "Stole that, huh?" she asked smiling. She looked pretty cool, so I nodded and asked if she stole the jeans she was wearing, which were from the store. Turns out she didn't, she's the manager. FML

by blovesg / 04/06/2009 at 8:41pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, a car was waiting for me to cross the street so I thought it would be funny to slowly limp across the street. When I got to the end, I jumped as high as I could to show I was faking. Turns out I tripped and hit my head hard on the sidewalk. That car took me to the hospital. FML

by funnyguyNOT / 04/05/2009 at 5:39pm / United States / Transportation

Today, my friend and I went to a really expensive restaurant. We got really bad service, so halfway through the meal we decided to dine-and-dash. Turns out I left my purse in the restaurant. With my I.D. and everything inside. FML

by ashleyevans / 04/04/2009 at 10:45am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at working at Burger King as a cashier. A girl I met last night came in and said, "Aren't you that guy from last night?" Last night, I had told her I was going to medical school and was going to be a doctor in less than a year. FML

by Jamie / 04/04/2009 at 10:42am / United States (Maryland) / Love

Today, I got up early to prank my family. I put a bucket of ice water on top of a door frame so whoever walked through would get an icy surprise. After I was done, I went back to bed. I woke up groggy and disoriented like always and walked right through the doorway I had rigged. FML

by blackvogue / 04/01/2009 at 6:42am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was giving a lecture to my class I heard a phone go off. Aggravated and exhausted, I asked everyone to turn their phones off. Then the phone rang again. I lost my shit and spent the next half hour calling my students a bunch of "technology whores". Then I realized the phone was mine. FML

by emkaycutie / 03/29/2009 at 2:41pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw a spider in my bathtub, so instead of killing it, i decided to bring my dog inside the bathroom to kill the spider for me. Turns out that the spider was a black widow, and my dog was bit. The dog killed the spider. The spider killed my dog. FML

by Anonymous / 03/29/2009 at 1:04am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I decided to cheat on my math test by writing a couple of equations on my hand. Totally satisfied, I handed my test in feeling like I had aced it. As I was heading toward the door, I happily waved goodbye to my teacher. She saw everything. FML

by rutho / 03/27/2009 at 12:39am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I met my girlfriend's very religious parents for dinner. Somehow we got to talking about her groin hernias that were repaired as a baby. I never knew she had hernias repaired and said, "But she doesn't have any scars down there." There was a long awkward silence. FML

by douchetard / 03/26/2009 at 3:37am / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy

Today, while at the Golden Gate Bridge, I spotted a large group of Asians trying to take a picture. Trying to help, I slowly say, "You... want me... take picture?" while using hand motions. The man looks at me and says, "No thanks asshole, I got it," in plain English. FML

by Tourist / 03/26/2009 at 3:19am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous