DerrickJames

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Offline (the 06/22/2016 at 12:38am)

DerrickJames

61Fucked!

DerrickJamesDerrickJames
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 3979
  • Number of comments : 214
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About DerrickJames : I was once able to speak Quenya (LOTR Elvish Language) fluently. I hop on FML to help me realize how little my problems are and get a cheap laugh every once in awhile. 23-years-old. Clinical psych major. Feel free to message me!

DerrickJames's page activity

Visits<b>armedenglish96</b> - yesterday at 8:23am<b>oj101</b> - yesterday at 3:06am<b>jesstanothergurl</b> - the 07/19/2016 at 10:00am<b>kayms0</b> - the 07/14/2016 at 11:43pm<b>ImKimitheEmo</b> - the 06/27/2016 at 12:06pm<b>mkmon7</b> - the 06/21/2016 at 9:44pm<b>Patsuan</b> - the 06/14/2016 at 2:58pm<b>GabrielleFrance</b> - the 06/12/2016 at 9:25am<b>ciaraash</b> - the 06/10/2016 at 11:01am<b>LadyKayDee</b> - the 06/04/2016 at 7:45pm<b>logan12382</b> - the 05/31/2016 at 10:47pm<b>AnnaMuffin</b> - the 05/24/2016 at 4:52pm<b>im_a_squid</b> - the 05/23/2016 at 7:49pm<b>aha_awkward_</b> - the 05/23/2016 at 3:02am<b>GarfieldDaCat</b> - the 05/22/2016 at 9:13pm<b>Distinct_Drift</b> - the 05/21/2016 at 3:29pm<b>Tripartita</b> - the 05/20/2016 at 4:50am<b>FantomLightning</b> - the 05/19/2016 at 11:22pm

Fucked!<b>ImKimitheEmo</b> - the 06/27/2016 at 6:00pm<b>Patsuan</b> - the 06/14/2016 at 8:46pm<b>LadyKayDee</b> - the 06/05/2016 at 1:45am<b>ciaraash</b> - the 05/19/2016 at 1:24am<b>bigredmonkeybutt</b> - the 05/19/2016 at 1:16am<b>AnnaMuffin</b> - the 05/13/2016 at 9:43pm<b>moldypickles</b> - the 04/27/2016 at 11:34pm<b>silmisstar</b> - the 04/25/2016 at 6:13pm<b>supermarxiste75</b> - the 03/08/2016 at 7:57pm<b>Hop6e</b> - the 03/07/2016 at 7:40am<b>hardcorefan16</b> - the 02/25/2016 at 9:07pm<b>lulumars</b> - the 02/03/2016 at 2:59am<b>Michelle1121</b> - the 01/29/2016 at 12:22pm<b>yellow33</b> - the 01/29/2016 at 7:21am<b>Hilda_x</b> - the 01/27/2016 at 3:09am<b>luhmae44</b> - the 01/10/2016 at 8:44pm<b>IAm123</b> - the 12/30/2015 at 8:01am<b>Loloo434</b> - the 11/24/2015 at 9:15pm

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DerrickJames's favorite FMLs

Today, I was looking in the refrigerator for something to drink. I found a jug of lemonade with a piece of paper on it saying "Mom's Lemonade, Don't Drink!" I was really thirsty, so I ignored it and drank the whole jug. My mom is about to have a colonoscopy and had filled it with laxatives. FML

by Nick / 08/13/2009 at 3:47pm / United States (Minnesota) / Health

Today, while I was walking downtown a homeless person asked me for a dollar. I thought it would be funny to wave the dollar in his face and taunt him. I guess he thought it would be funny to stab me in the leg with a pencil. FML

by who_could_it_be / 08/06/2009 at 9:35am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at the mall with my mom. She was pissing me off, so I started screaming at her and causing a scene. I ended up falling all the way down the up escalator. Everyone saw and people clapped. FML

by ouchers / 06/11/2009 at 3:49pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at the park when I saw a homeless man sleeping on a bench. I thought it would be funny to throw a small rock at him. He thought it would be funny to pull out his knife and chase me for six blocks. FML

by I_Am_The_Edge / 06/11/2009 at 12:06pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was taking a nap. Apparently, my two year old daughter decided to crawl on top of the covers on my bed because she was scared since there was a thunder storm. I thought she was one of our cats so I kicked her off. She hit the wall. FML

by fmlfmlfml / 06/02/2009 at 2:03pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I tried to imitate Mary Poppins by jumping off a shed with an umbrella. I spent the next 3 hours in the emergency room. My leg is broken. FML

by Anonymous / 05/29/2009 at 11:04pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I wanted revenge on the rabbit who ate my garden's plants. When he returned, he was standing next to my brand new above-ground swimming pool. I pull out my 22. rifle and shot at it, but the bullet missed and popped a hole in my pool. 15,000 gallons of water flooded my basement. FML

by Jerrrr / 05/26/2009 at 8:22pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned that I have carpal tunnel syndrome. I got it from playing too much World of Warcraft. I got a disease in real life by living in a virtual world. FML

by Loser / 05/12/2009 at 6:05pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, while working at a pizza shop near a college campus, I got an order to deliver to the dorms. Extremely busy at work and annoyed that someone wouldn't take 3 minutes to walk over, I spat on the pizza. When I arrived to the dorm, a woman in a wheelchair opened the door. FML

by pizzagurl / 05/09/2009 at 12:43am / United States (Georgia) / Work

Today, I was eating at a restaurant patio with a few friends. After the waitress cleaned up our table there was a drop of mayonnaise on the table. I wiped it with my finger and licked it. It wasn’t mayo, it was bird shit. FML

by MJ3105 / 05/07/2009 at 7:36am / Israel / Animals

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. When the police officer approached me and asked for license and registration, I accidentally gave him my fake I.D. FML

by FakeID / 05/06/2009 at 4:05pm / United States (Georgia) / Transportation

Today, I found out that the girl I've been dating online for over three months is actually a very bored 14-year-old boy. FML

by Iman / 05/04/2009 at 2:12am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I left a party after drinking, and was soon pulled over. I frantically grabbed my mouthwash I keep for emergency situations to cover up the alcohol smell on my breath. I was given the breathalyzer almost immediately. I blew a 2.37. Apparently, alcohol is the main ingredient of Listerine. FML

by breathalizard / 05/02/2009 at 2:21am / United States (North Dakota) / Health

Today, I was eating cereal and decided to warm it up to see what it tasted like. So, using a candle in the room I placed my spoon over the flame and waited to see if it heated up. Pleased with my silly experiment, I put the spoon back in my mouth. I now can't talk because of my swollen tongue. FML

by Anonymous / 04/28/2009 at 7:16am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friend and I wanted to get some alcohol (we're under 21). We went to a liquor store and asked a random guy to go in and buy us some vodka. After giving him $20, he said he had to go turn off his car, then he'd get us the drinks. He got in his car and drove off, with my $20. FML

by danielle / 04/23/2009 at 3:16am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous