DerrickJames

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Offline (the 06/22/2016 at 12:38am)

DerrickJames

61Fucked!

DerrickJamesDerrickJames
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 4250
  • Number of comments : 214
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About DerrickJames : I was once able to speak Quenya (LOTR Elvish Language) fluently. I hop on FML to help me realize how little my problems are and get a cheap laugh every once in awhile. 23-years-old. Clinical psych major. Feel free to message me!

DerrickJames's page activity

Visits<b>andrew_723</b> - the 09/12/2016 at 3:10pm<b>Sia_Will</b> - the 08/23/2016 at 2:28am<b>ryannstevenn</b> - the 08/01/2016 at 2:14pm<b>armedenglish96</b> - the 07/27/2016 at 8:23am<b>oj101</b> - the 07/27/2016 at 3:06am<b>jesstanothergurl</b> - the 07/19/2016 at 10:00am<b>kayms0</b> - the 07/14/2016 at 11:43pm<b>ImKimitheEmo</b> - the 06/27/2016 at 12:06pm<b>mkmon7</b> - the 06/21/2016 at 9:44pm<b>Patsuan</b> - the 06/14/2016 at 2:58pm<b>GabrielleFrance</b> - the 06/12/2016 at 9:25am<b>ciaraash</b> - the 06/10/2016 at 11:01am<b>LadyKayDee</b> - the 06/04/2016 at 7:45pm<b>logan12382</b> - the 05/31/2016 at 10:47pm<b>AnnaMuffin</b> - the 05/24/2016 at 4:52pm<b>im_a_squid</b> - the 05/23/2016 at 7:49pm<b>GarfieldDaCat</b> - the 05/22/2016 at 9:13pm<b>Distinct_Drift</b> - the 05/21/2016 at 3:29pm

Fucked!<b>ImKimitheEmo</b> - the 06/27/2016 at 6:00pm<b>Patsuan</b> - the 06/14/2016 at 8:46pm<b>LadyKayDee</b> - the 06/05/2016 at 1:45am<b>ciaraash</b> - the 05/19/2016 at 1:24am<b>bigredmonkeybutt</b> - the 05/19/2016 at 1:16am<b>AnnaMuffin</b> - the 05/13/2016 at 9:43pm<b>moldypickles</b> - the 04/27/2016 at 11:34pm<b>silmisstar</b> - the 04/25/2016 at 6:13pm<b>supermarxiste75</b> - the 03/08/2016 at 7:57pm<b>Hop6e</b> - the 03/07/2016 at 7:40am<b>hardcorefan16</b> - the 02/25/2016 at 9:07pm<b>lulumars</b> - the 02/03/2016 at 2:59am<b>Michelle1121</b> - the 01/29/2016 at 12:22pm<b>yellow33</b> - the 01/29/2016 at 7:21am<b>Hilda_x</b> - the 01/27/2016 at 3:09am<b>luhmae44</b> - the 01/10/2016 at 8:44pm<b>IAm123</b> - the 12/30/2015 at 8:01am<b>Loloo434</b> - the 11/24/2015 at 9:15pm

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DerrickJames's favorite FMLs

Today, my 13 year-old son had a seizure in the middle of his history class. We were at the hospital for three hours and several expensive tests later he informed me he faked the seizure so he could get out of a group presentation. He was so proud that he was such a good actor. FML

by EllieS9311 / 02/16/2016 at 8:16am / United States (Alabama) / Kids

Today, I found a book in my attic that I always read when I was a kid. For old times sake I read it again. On the very first page, child me had written, "Go to page 15" so I did. On page 15, in big red letters, it said, "Get bent". I got pranked by myself. FML

by Deadpool434 / 10/19/2014 at 3:27pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Miscellaneous

Today, my father shot my fiancé. He's fine, but the wedding is off. FML

by Anonymous / 07/30/2013 at 8:07pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friends took my work laptop and changed the sounds. Now, whenever I remove a USB device, a woman's voice screams "Put it back!" and when I insert a USB device, it says "Oh, you need to push it in harder!" I don't know how to change it back. FML

by Anonymous / 07/20/2013 at 11:45am / United States (Delaware) / Work

Today, I was stumbling down the street due to arthritic pain, when I accidentally bumped into a man. He turned and yelled, "Watch it, you clumsy, ugly bitch", to which I apologised and told him about my arthritis. He stared at me in confusion, then said, "Well, you're still ugly", and walked off. FML

by Anonymous / 07/16/2013 at 3:10am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend found an empty snail shell. I tried messing with him by saying the snail had turned into a slug, like caterpillars turn into butterflies. He quickly replied, "Yeah I know. I'm not a tard, babe." and said he'd been taught all that and more back in school. What the hell? FML

by our kids will be derps / 06/22/2013 at 3:28pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I awoke from a dream that I'd found an Arco gas station that had regular gas for $3.38. I actually went looking for it. FML

by maarkblack / 05/22/2013 at 10:51am / United States / Money

Today, a woman strapped her 8-year-old son into the seat next to me on a transatlantic flight. Thinking they'd been unable to book seats together, I offered to swap seats with her. She said she'd booked it this way intentionally, because he's a "fucking brat" on flights. She was right. FML

by Sigh / 02/19/2013 at 12:13pm / United Kingdom (Essex) / Transportation

Today, I watched as my neighbor walked to my front lawn, looked me right in the eye, and pissed on my mailbox. FML

by Anonymous / 04/16/2012 at 8:38am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at work when I found an iPhone on the floor. I decided not to turn it into the manager and keep it. Five minutes later, a customer asked if anyone had turned in her missing phone. I said no and began to walk away, when her friend called her phone. It rang. She recognized the ringtone. FML

by charlie3289 / 10/27/2011 at 1:01am / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, while at my job as a hostess, I was seating a couple and their adorable little girl. I tried to ask how old she was, but what came out was, "Aww, what breed is she?" FML

by Anonymous / 10/21/2011 at 5:27pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Work

Today, I was doing swimming practice at the pool. I suddenly got breathless, dizzy, and felt like I was drowning. I cried out to the instructor, telling him I had a weak heart. He shouted back, "I don't care about your girlfriend's problems! Swim, bitch!" FML

by mathii / 07/23/2011 at 7:52pm / Love

Today, I learned that if you make fun of a man for walking with a cane, you'd better be ready for him to hit you with it. FML

by stick / 10/20/2009 at 12:05pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw a YouTube video of a guy scratching a knife and a screwdriver on his iPod, and at the end he showed how there were no scratches and the screen was still clean. I took my iPod touch and did the same with a knife. It didn't work. FML

by MgmEboy / 09/19/2009 at 5:36pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized the person I had been habitually stealing bag lunches from at work made me a canned dog food sandwich. FML

by Hairball / 09/01/2009 at 2:05pm / United States (South Carolina) / Work