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Offline (the 10/26/2014 at 3:49pm)



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 4664
  • Number of comments : 22
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Derpet : I am forever alone. Just go, now.

Derpet's page activity

Visits<b>monagro</b> - the 03/30/2015 at 1:25am<b>CoolFootSnook</b> - the 02/18/2015 at 3:46pm<b>yugiben</b> - the 12/18/2014 at 11:31pm<b>Honey_Suckle18</b> - the 11/02/2014 at 8:48am<b>xadoringx</b> - the 10/29/2014 at 12:06am<b>Scarylizard1798</b> - the 10/06/2014 at 5:35pm<b>Nsswimmer</b> - the 07/04/2014 at 7:34am<b>MeAnd</b> - the 06/16/2014 at 6:34am<b>Federgirl</b> - the 04/26/2014 at 10:06am<b>Lindsey_Marie</b> - the 04/19/2014 at 9:14am<b>leigh_xx</b> - the 04/17/2014 at 11:17am<b>terryaly</b> - the 03/28/2014 at 2:05am<b>ironfey</b> - the 03/02/2014 at 5:43pm<b>aquaticmammal624</b> - the 02/24/2014 at 6:41am<b>derpy_batman</b> - the 02/03/2014 at 11:00pm<b>LuluRichards</b> - the 02/03/2014 at 5:29pm<b>razi1</b> - the 01/30/2014 at 10:41pm<b>TheImaginarySong</b> - the 01/29/2014 at 9:01pm

Derpet's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

It’s in the can

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

See all of Derpet's badges

Derpet's favorite FMLs

Today, at the restaurant where I work, a guest choked on a bone from her crosscut ribs. She asked me to bring the manager over, so I did. When he got there, she complained that the bone could have seriously injured her, and we should be more careful of where we put the bones in the ribs. FML

by Diachronic / 09/12/2014 at 4:05am / United States (Idaho) / Work

Today, my husband injured his back badly. He's taken three percocets, because according to him, he knows the dosage better than his doctor, and is demanding that I let him drive himself to work, with no pants on. FML

by jkim / 09/08/2014 at 1:56pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I complimented a guy on his beard. His response? "Thanks. Wanna sit on it?" FML

Today, the security at the airport were nice enough to remind me to take the laptop out of my bag. I wish they'd also reminded me to put it back in before I left. FML

by A continent away / 09/02/2014 at 3:48pm / Estonia (Harjumaa) / Transportation

Today, I had satanic gastric distress. Attempting to make light of this fact, and, being incredibly bored and seemingly alone at work, I managed to fart the intro to "Smoke on the Water" perfectly. Somebody clapped. FML

by Charlie529 / 02/19/2014 at 10:30am / South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, something ran across my foot while I was on the toilet. Hearing me scream, my husband ran in. We now have a new "pet" mouse named Jerry that I am not allowed to kill under threat of divorce. FML

by ZombiexIce / 02/09/2014 at 10:22pm / United States (California) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my girlfriend and I were quite drunk while we were fooling around on the couch, when I decided I wanted to lose my virginity to her. I was two thrusts in when she burst out laughing. Looking down, I realized I was between her cheeks and the couch cushion. I lost my virginity to her couch. FML

by Unknown / 02/07/2014 at 9:18am / United States (Iowa) / Intimacy

Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend he was like an animal in bed. He responded saying I was like a dead animal in bed. FML

by cryface / 02/06/2014 at 11:48pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, while at a funeral for a distant family member, I was giving my condolences to the family. When one of them asked how I was doing, I replied with, "I'm still alive!", which is one of my standard responses due to being a cashier and being asked that question a hundred times a day. FML

by Merith2004 / 02/04/2014 at 12:18am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I found a Google search for "erectile dysfunction" in my browser search history, along with pages about treatments for it. I'm a woman, and I live alone. FML

by jai90 / 02/03/2014 at 4:16pm / Netherlands (Utrecht) / Miscellaneous

Today, while in the prison I work at, I came down with severe digestion issues. Master control probably laughed as they watched me wait at the security gates in a cold sweat, squeezing my ass-cheeks together like an inmate smuggling contraband. FML

by TwistedCherub1 / 02/01/2014 at 5:42pm / United States / Work

Today, my boyfriend proposed: he told me the feeling he gets from being in love with me is the best feeling in the world, even better than the feeling he gets when he poops. FML

by Anonymous / 01/25/2014 at 10:43am / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I found my little brother breathing heavily and asked him what he was doing. He looked at me intensely and said "Breathing in all the oxygen so you can't have any and die." 5ML

by SirDirtyRedD / 01/24/2014 at 8:03pm / Iceland (Gullbringusysla) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was applying for jobs online when my father called. When I told him what I was doing, he said in all seriousness that I should just be a sugar baby. I said he must be joking, but he replied, "Honey, if I had your tits, I'd never work a day in my life." 5ML

by Anonymous / 01/24/2014 at 12:15am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I have the flu. I woke up to my son leaning over me, inches from my face, breathing in deeply. Apparently, he was trying to get sick so he could stay home from school. He's 15. FML

by sickmom / 01/21/2014 at 6:07am / United States (Louisiana) / Kids