DefiningDivine

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Offline (the 01/24/2015 at 7:37am)

DefiningDivine

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 4038
  • Number of comments : 33
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About DefiningDivine : Add 200 comments to my total amount.

I'm serious most of the time, but sometimes I just mess around.

Docbastard.blogspot.com is interesting, check it out.

DefiningDivine's page activity

Visits<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 01/06/2016 at 2:30pm<b>Coland</b> - the 10/26/2015 at 8:36pm<b>rshweky</b> - the 08/17/2015 at 8:25pm<b>kittykat1501</b> - the 07/16/2015 at 2:18pm<b>vanessa_tranz</b> - the 09/01/2014 at 9:53pm<b>Nsswimmer</b> - the 06/30/2014 at 7:48am<b>nana_star</b> - the 03/07/2014 at 7:19am<b>Rizzen</b> - the 11/26/2013 at 2:40pm<b>jadeluv</b> - the 09/08/2013 at 2:39pm<b>Verst</b> - the 08/29/2013 at 7:49am<b>baconator666</b> - the 08/24/2013 at 9:14pm<b>cutycat136</b> - the 08/24/2013 at 9:59am<b>CaiDog</b> - the 08/18/2013 at 10:30am<b>xostaramaraxo</b> - the 07/14/2013 at 8:04am<b>ken29</b> - the 06/22/2013 at 7:08pm<b>priiest</b> - the 06/15/2013 at 8:35pm<b>dead_insects</b> - the 06/15/2013 at 2:40am<b>AGhost5445</b> - the 06/14/2013 at 7:38pm

Fucked!<b>kittykat1501</b> - the 07/16/2015 at 8:18pm

DefiningDivine's FML badges

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

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You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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DefiningDivine's favorite FMLs

Today, I was sitting on the chair-lift on a ski trip. There was a shift in gears and the metal in the seat began to vibrate. My dad, sister, and step-mom were all on the lift with me, not feeling a thing. It's terribly awkward to converse with your family while you involuntarily orgasm. FML

by Frostbitten / 02/26/2013 at 10:00pm / United States (Maine) / Intimacy

Today, while I was in the shower, my boyfriend decided to join me. We were really getting into it and he attempted to lift me up. Not only did I let out a massive fart, he slipped and fell on top of me. He won't stop laughing. FML

by Anonymous / 02/19/2013 at 3:35am / Intimacy

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. As I shook her father's hand, he squeezed with an ungodly amount of force, leaned in with a smile, and murmured that my balls will be the next thing he'll crush if his daughter ever complains about me. FML

by daniel55 / 02/17/2013 at 7:11pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Love

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to take a jog in an area we never been before. We then got lost. She actually thought that the tattoo on her arm of an open compass with north, east, south, and west would help us. FML

by omgstuupidd / 02/17/2013 at 9:27am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went shopping with my two-year-old nephew. He threw a tantrum in the middle of the store because I would not show him my "boobies". A man came up to us and said I should do what my nephew wanted. FML

by Lesser / 02/17/2013 at 3:02am / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I took an afternoon nap, and when I woke up, it was pitch black outside. Still groggy, I went downstairs, only to see my dad sporting a shocked expression and a suspiciously powder-white beard. He actually almost convinced me that I'd just woken up from a five year coma. FML

by Anonymous / 02/17/2013 at 12:56am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, while riding the train home, I noticed a man who kept looking at me. Annoyed, I told him to be less obvious and to stop staring. He promptly responded, "Bitch, I'm gay, and even I can tell no one would want to look at you." FML

by assoutofuandme / 02/14/2013 at 2:39am / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, I've been living in Kenya in a nasty apartment for so long that when I looked down into my drink and saw a dead fly, I just picked it out and continued drinking. FML

by kenyaliving / 02/13/2013 at 5:04pm / Kenya / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I were visiting his parents. I'm nervous around them so he encouraged me to drink so I'd loosen up. I got so drunk I tore up all the things in his old room I thought were from ex-girlfriends and accidentally flashed his dad my crotch. FML

by Anonymous / 02/13/2013 at 12:07am / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, a cute girl asked if my dog was available for a date on Valentine's Day. Thinking I was in luck, I asked if I should come along. She said no. My dog has better game than I do. FML

by Doggotmytongue / 02/12/2013 at 4:50pm / United States (Illinois) / Animals

Today, I realized that the air freshener in my bathroom and the air freshener in my girlfriend's bedroom are the exact same scent. Now, every time I go to the bathroom I get an erection, and every time my girlfriend and I have sex in her room, I think about shitting. FML

by thefriedman / 02/11/2013 at 11:59pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I unknowingly bought a house next to a former toxic waste dump. I found out by reading an article in the paper where residents are claiming that they are experiencing cancer and birth defects. FML

by toxic waste / 02/11/2013 at 11:18pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I was walking with my friend. The girl in front of us had a really nice ass, so I turned to my friend and said, "Damn, she has a perfect ass." He replied, "That's a guy." FML

by notgay / 02/11/2013 at 9:30pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, while waiting for my order at a restaurant, a woman walked up to me and slapped me. She looked at me for a moment and said "Sorry, I thought you were someone else." Ten minutes later, the same woman came back and slapped me again. FML

by Target / 02/11/2013 at 8:42pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, a girl came up to me on the street and said, "You have like no swag, bro." Feeling clever, I said, "At least I have a high school education." She then took out her work ID, showing me that she was a surgeon, flipped me off, then walked away saying, "This is totally going on Facebook." FML

by Anonymous / 02/11/2013 at 10:26am / United States (Massachusetts) / Work