About Death_The_Kid15 : Skar Skar Skarnerrr!
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Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
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Death_The_Kid15's favorite FMLs
Today, I've been begging my boyfriend to get us a dog for months now. This morning, I noticed he'd bought some toilet paper with dogs printed on it. I asked him if it was a sign. He replied, "Yeah, one you can stick up your ass." FML
by Confession / 05/15/2016 at 10:07pm / Belgium / Animals
by Anonymous / 04/17/2016 at 1:27pm / Austria (Wien) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/04/2014 at 2:44am / United States (Michigan) / Animals
Today, while at work as a telemarketer, I called a customer on his home phone. Once I was connected, an automated voice said, "To speak with a customer, please press 1." Confused, I pressed one. I then heard loud laughter followed by, "Oh my god! What a dumbass!" before they hung up. FML
by Anonymous / 05/07/2014 at 11:57pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work
Today, marks the third week since my sister's guinea pig learned to masturbate. He humps his wheel and makes squeaking noises for five minutes, then rolls over on his side and pants heavily. He does it at least twice a night while I'm trying to sleep. FML
by Anonomous / 12/28/2013 at 7:31pm / United States (Vermont) / Animals
by cricketsins / 11/07/2013 at 10:33pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous
by Something I said? / 11/05/2013 at 10:26am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by Facepalmum / 01/10/2013 at 1:28am / Australia (Victoria) / Kids
by Toilettrash / 07/06/2012 at 6:51am / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 03/28/2012 at 2:57am / United States / Animals
Today, I thought it would be a good idea to let my 19-month-old son watch me pee, since I'm trying to potty train him. I didn't consider that he might try to grab my penis. When he did, I was startled and peed all over the floor and my son. Good job dad. FML
by Anonymous / 11/09/2011 at 4:52pm / United States / Kids
Today, I came back home to find that my house had been robbed, one week after my neighbors. I was walking around my neighborhood to see if anything was suspicious, and discovered that my neighbors had put up a sign, reading: "Rob the neighbors, THEY don't have a security system." FML
by TheAnnoyedNeighbor / 10/03/2011 at 2:08am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went on a date with a seemingly nice guy I met online. He was drunk when I got there. Within the first 10 minutes, he had told me I was "like Hitler but with boobs", and I was "offensive to the ninja community." Then he said I just wasn't all he had hoped for and left. FML
by ninja_blasphemer / 07/25/2011 at 3:24pm / Ireland (Wexford) / Miscellaneous
Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserted dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my mom walked in. FML
by sucks / 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm / United States (Georgia) / Animals
Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML
by Anonymous / 04/02/2009 at 1:13am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy
- Today, after writing an exam, going to the gym, cramming, and then an eight our shift as a barista,… Today, I had surgery to remove a kidney stone that was causing horrible pain. They couldn't reach… Today, my boyfriend proposed to me. We've been dating for 3 months, I'm 16, he's 17. I felt too bad…