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DashFTW's favorite FMLs
Today, when I stopped at a light, I tossed a banana peel into a field along the side of the road. The man behind me got out of his car, picked up the banana peel and threw it back into my car at me. When I tried to tell him it was biodegradable, he told me to "stop making up words." FML
by Anonymous / 10/01/2010 at 9:47am / United Kingdom / Transportation
by Anonymous / 09/28/2010 at 9:47pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
by Embarressed... / 08/04/2010 at 6:25am / United Kingdom (Derbyshire) / Intimacy
Today, I was at work as a musician, sitting on a piano bench. Suddenly I found myself at eye-level with the piano, dumped on the floor by the broken bench, with my legs splayed out. I felt like I picked the wrong day to wear a skirt to work - but the audience members all disagreed. FML
by Anonymous / 06/20/2010 at 3:21am / United States (Ohio) / Work
Today, at the supermarket, I ignored the "Riding on trolleys down the ramp is strictly prohibited" sign. While going full speed down the ramp, my trolley with $200 worth of groceries in it tipped and crashed. Luckily, I broke its fall. FML
by Anonymous / 02/21/2010 at 6:58am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was about to take a crap when the smoke alarm went off. I ran out of the bathroom and tried to run downstairs. I tripped and shit on myself. The alarm had gone off cause my kid put my wallet in the toaster. FML
by Anonymous / 12/08/2009 at 7:23pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out that if you let your son install a new shower head, he won't tighten it properly. So when you turn the shower on, it will shoot out at rocket speed, hitting you in the face. Then when you grab the shower handle to prevent yourself falling backwards, you will just rip that out and hit your head again. FML
by Ndanick1193 / 10/16/2009 at 10:38pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, after spending the night at my boyfriend's house, I was heading out the door when he called me back to hand me something I had left at his house a while ago. It was one of my bras. It wasn't until I got home I noticed the cup size was a B. I'm a size D. FML
by Jennagirl / 10/12/2009 at 10:03am / Australia (South Australia) / Love
Today, my cousin told me that the stop signs outlined with a white line were optional. Later, a cop pulled me over, when I asked why he said, "You ran that stop sign back there." I explained what my cousin had told me and he looked at me funny and replied, "All stop signs have a white outline." FML
by Anonymous / 07/08/2009 at 9:34pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had just gotten a milkshake with some friends. We were about to drive past my ex's house, so I though it would be funny to throw the milkshake in his yard. Turns out, if you're going 50mph and try to throw a shake out the window, it comes right back at you. FML
by Anonymous / 06/08/2009 at 1:47pm / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous
Today, after finally giving up on the search for my lost dog, I realized that my neighbors had found her and are convinced that she was a stray. They won't give her up and are now mad at me for trying to take my own dog back. FML
by englishtrio / 04/18/2009 at 2:45am / United States (Texas) / Animals
Today, I was walking to my car tonight when I saw a large man walking behind me, I hurried to open my car as he was approaching quickly, my door wasn't unlocking and I panicked. It was then I noticed it wasnt even my car. As I walked away from the other car, he walked up and unlocked the door. FML
by Fantastic / 03/03/2009 at 11:19pm / United States (California) / Transportation
by ihavepinkbackpac / 02/28/2009 at 2:07pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I told my son off because he lost a form. A form that I later found in my right-hand pocket.… Today, my economics teacher gives us a lot of photocopies, so I told her that she kills pandas by… Today, I’m in China, and I took my Golden Retriever to the groomer’s to get him cleaned up, because…