Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

DarkSmoke591

Offline (42 minutes ago) | Search for a member

DarkSmoke591

14Liked!

DarkSmoke591DarkSmoke591
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 7 January 1999 (16 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1968
  • Number of comments : 5
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About DarkSmoke591 : Hey, what up?

Avenged Sevenfold,
Black Veil Brides,
Breaking Benjamin,
Bullet for My Valentine, (Favorite)
Disturbed,
Escape the Fate,
GazettE,
Skillet,
Sum 41,
Three Days Grace
are my shit :P

Hobbies are…
Working out,
Gaming,
Playin' Yu-Gi-Oh! (Lol)
And being lazy

DarkSmoke591's page activity

Visits<b>countryb_cth</b> - the 02/18/2015 at 11:26pm<b>joarasmi</b> - the 02/07/2015 at 10:36pm<b>katebond</b> - the 02/01/2015 at 2:04pm<b>sarah5745</b> - the 01/30/2015 at 2:47pm<b>xninix</b> - the 01/24/2015 at 2:03am<b>Cindering</b> - the 01/07/2015 at 5:20pm<b>Littlest_things</b> - the 01/06/2015 at 9:26pm<b>Feremist</b> - the 12/28/2014 at 10:20am<b>Etched</b> - the 12/25/2014 at 7:28am<b>makaramiracles</b> - the 12/21/2014 at 2:58pm<b>fairydust7</b> - the 12/18/2014 at 9:24pm<b>TrackGirl19</b> - the 12/16/2014 at 5:03pm<b>RockUntilYouDie</b> - the 12/15/2014 at 6:45pm<b>salyhahaha</b> - the 12/09/2014 at 2:46pm<b>namine120409</b> - the 12/09/2014 at 3:37am<b>AmyLouR</b> - the 12/08/2014 at 1:21pm<b>jshakd642</b> - the 12/08/2014 at 9:04am<b>sailing_is_life</b> - the 12/07/2014 at 10:02pm

Liked!<b>BakenWake420</b> - the 12/01/2014 at 12:50am<b>makaramiracles</b> - the 11/17/2014 at 6:14am<b>sarah5745</b> - the 11/10/2014 at 2:19pm<b>madi113</b> - the 11/10/2014 at 4:28am<b>SaintVeronika</b> - the 11/07/2014 at 12:17am<b>EmmaMK</b> - the 11/04/2014 at 11:45am<b>Emi1y</b> - the 11/02/2014 at 3:24pm<b>sadbubbles</b> - the 10/11/2014 at 7:06pm<b>AlexBurn97</b> - the 10/11/2014 at 6:48pm<b>WillowB47</b> - the 09/13/2014 at 2:04pm<b>dying_to_know</b> - the 09/03/2014 at 9:10pm<b>alliegatorrrr</b> - the 08/28/2014 at 3:32pm<b>AvengingAngelx</b> - the 07/02/2014 at 7:24pm<b>RockUntilYouDie</b> - the 05/20/2014 at 5:18pm

DarkSmoke591's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

What'cha looking at?

You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

See all of DarkSmoke591's badges

DarkSmoke591's favorite FMLs

Today, I met my biological parents for the first time, 29 years into my life. They turned out to be two of the most pathetic people I have ever met, and the meeting ended after they asked me to lend them money because I "literally owe them my life." FML

#21364287
146 comments

Today, my boyfriend managed to orgasm by humping my leg. I'm beginning to think I am dating a puppy. FML

#21363602
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26249) - you deserved it (3227)

On 02/25/2015 at 10:31pm - intimacy - by failuretolaunch2 - United States

Today, a guy attacked me and tried to steal my bag. I tried to defend myself by biting him as hard as I could. I then woke up to my husband screaming in pain. FML

#21360466
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31875) - you deserved it (3850)

On 02/21/2015 at 3:28pm - misc - by poncho55 (woman) -

Today, I witnessed the beautiful sight of a tiny baby bird struggling to take flight from its nest. "You can do it," I muttered, which I guess my asswipe of a cat heard as "Quick, go kill that bird and scar me for life, please." FML

#21360123
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27284) - you deserved it (3708)

On 02/20/2015 at 11:25pm - animals - by tulisa (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I pulled a muscle in my right shoulder and can barely move my arm. My friends keep asking if I'm sure it wasn't from jerking off too much. Truth is, I pulled it by playing on my computer too much. FML

Today, my youngest daughter finally started using the toilet on her own. That is, until her older sister showed her the South Park episode where someone gets their intestines sucked out by flushing the toilet. Now she won't go anywhere near the bathroom. FML

#21355782
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30766) - you deserved it (2916)

On 02/14/2015 at 4:46am - kids - by Investing in Toilet Seatbelts - United States (Nevada)

Today, my date dropped me off at home and briefly met my parents. As he was leaving he whispered into my ear, "I want to feel the inside of your vagina with the outside of my penis." My parents totally heard. FML

#21349904
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36416) - you deserved it (4279)

On 02/04/2015 at 8:21pm - intimacy - by MIB thingy please... (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I witnessed a man masturbate into a public urinal, miss, fart, and then leave without washing his hands. FML

#21347895
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31212) - you deserved it (2288)

On 02/01/2015 at 6:10pm - health - by grossedout - United States (Virginia)

Today, I asked my friend to download Frozen for me, because my mom wanted to play it for family movie night. The movie was shit, but it got even worse halfway through, when it cut to hardcore porn and a text bar saying "umad?" Now I'm grounded, and my "friend" is a legend for his prank. FML

#21346882
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29909) - you deserved it (5195)

On 01/30/2015 at 4:15pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I shaved my beard in preparation for an important work conference. Now my dog won't stop growling and barking at me. FML

#21345020
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25132) - you deserved it (2879)

On 01/27/2015 at 10:09am - animals - by dogproblems (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I caught my girlfriend Googling how to uninstall Siri. I asked why she wanted to do that, and she said, "I don't like it. I don't like how the slut talks to you." I get the feeling I'll need a gun when I break up with this crazy fucker. FML

#21342067
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33984) - you deserved it (4996)

On 01/22/2015 at 1:41am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first handjob. I was nervous, so when she went to do it, I panicked and yelled, "Firmly grasp it!" She then couldn't stop laughing because it was a line from SpongeBob. FML

Today, I gave birth to our first child at home. What was supposed to be a beautiful moment of us peacefully greeting our newborn, ended up with the cops knocking on our door. Apparently me giving birth sounds like a domestic dispute. FML

#21331295
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30724) - you deserved it (6370)

On 01/05/2015 at 12:58pm - kids - by midwify (woman) - Denmark (Nordjylland)

Today, my friends and I were talking about our celebrity lookalikes. We decided that my friends all had attractive celebrity lookalikes, including Scarlett Johansson and Hayden Panettiere. When it was my turn, they decided that my "celebrity" lookalike is the Pillsbury Doughboy. FML

#21330766
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26012) - you deserved it (3276)

On 01/04/2015 at 4:53pm - misc - by KD (woman) - United States (California)

Today, as I left the supermarket, I found someone had hit my car in the parking lot. There was a note tucked under the wipers. Insurance details? Nope. It just said "Sorry dude. I fucked up. Good luck with the car." Great. FML

#21330094
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28256) - you deserved it (1785)

On 01/03/2015 at 4:16pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)



Mathilde Morieux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Mathilde Morieux's illustrated FML
  • Madonna must be the only person breathing a sigh of relief right now thanks to all the idiots arguing about the colour of a dress. Thanks to a badly-lit photograph, everyone seems to have forgotten that she super…

Friday 27 February 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: