Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

DarkCaesar

Offline (yesterday at 2:12pm) | Search for a member

DarkCaesar

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 47477
  • Number of comments : 35
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About DarkCaesar : I'd like to think I'm an interesting guy, but I'm still pretty awkward.

DarkCaesar's page activity

Visits<b>Leigghhh</b> - the 06/27/2015 at 9:34am<b>sammie2new</b> - the 06/18/2015 at 11:17pm<b>CruelGuy</b> - the 05/02/2015 at 7:41pm<b>bluucat</b> - the 02/16/2015 at 11:14am<b>kirbs19</b> - the 02/04/2015 at 3:32am<b>emmatheamazingx</b> - the 01/13/2015 at 12:28am<b>Mr_snuggels</b> - the 01/12/2015 at 8:13pm<b>DrMario_</b> - the 12/23/2014 at 2:11pm<b>nyancait</b> - the 12/23/2014 at 8:30am<b>MARGIE9</b> - the 12/21/2014 at 9:08am<b>HeartYou101</b> - the 12/19/2014 at 6:42pm<b>Blue_Black</b> - the 11/01/2014 at 8:54pm<b>JoMama_0924</b> - the 10/16/2014 at 11:32pm<b>4WARD</b> - the 07/23/2014 at 10:18am<b>7Maverick</b> - the 07/04/2014 at 10:45pm<b>HotShot313</b> - the 07/01/2014 at 1:18am<b>ckirksey</b> - the 06/22/2014 at 10:46pm<b>Becca_Bear_98</b> - the 06/22/2014 at 10:13pm

DarkCaesar's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

See all of DarkCaesar's badges

DarkCaesar's favorite FMLs

Today, after working alone in a room all day, I let a fart sneak out. Just then, my drop dead gorgeous boss and two new girls walked in. I could literally see them hit the stench and cringe. FML

#21434600
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19301) - you deserved it (3200)

On 06/30/2015 at 10:40pm - work - by stink - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, a dog bit me on the bus. Instead of apologising, its owner said it was my fault because, 'my hands must smell of meat'. I'm a vegetarian. FML

#21434496
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19573) - you deserved it (1599)

On 06/30/2015 at 6:19pm - animals - by A - United Kingdom (Ealing)

Today, I went on a Segway tour in Budapest. The Segways have an automatic speed limiter, and to release it and get back to normal speed, you have to brake. Unfortunately, I forgot my speed limiter was on and so, while trying to break, I instead returned to normal speed and crashed into a tree. FML

#21434457
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15559) - you deserved it (3133)

On 06/30/2015 at 4:31pm - misc - by infrontofninepeople - Hungary (Budapest)

Today, while alone in the childcare centre I work at, one of the children farted bad enough to trigger my morning sickness. Because I was alone, I couldn't leave the room, which resulted in me throwing up into a 2-year-old-sized toilet, while 12 toddlers either watched or ran wild. FML

#21434454
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17683) - you deserved it (1189)

On 06/30/2015 at 4:26pm - work - by sickatwokr - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my husband asked me to buy a different brand of dish soap, as the one he was using wasn't working. After a quick look, I had to agree. The lemon cordial he had been using, while tasting nice, didn't really help clean the dishes. FML

Today, my boss is on the phone with a Russian customer, who keeps saying, "Speak Russian please!" My boss asks me to translate, as he hired me for my knowledge of Russian. He says something, I translate in Russian, then the customer says, "Speak English please!" FML

#21434188
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19905) - you deserved it (1547)

On 06/30/2015 at 2:18am - work - by Claudine (woman) - Belgium (Liege)

Today, my fiance heard I was having a rotten day at work. He stopped by the flower shop and bought me a lovely rose which I put right next to my work station. That is until a giant wasp flew out and stung me. I still have a swollen arm hours later. FML

#21433819
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22136) - you deserved it (1662)

On 06/29/2015 at 1:30pm - love - by rinakitty94 - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I found an unfamiliar ring in my purse. Thinking it was fake, I gave it to a little girl. Thanks to my mother, I later found out that the ring was my grandmother's and it was made of gold and had a real ruby. My mother added that my grandmother trusted me to keep it in our family. FML

#21433516
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16235) - you deserved it (24823)

On 06/28/2015 at 10:02pm - kids - by AddictiveAddicted - United States (Colorado)

Today, I noticed a rash of insect bites on the backs of my thighs and buttocks. Upon further investigation, it appears that the inside of the chair in my work cubicle is infested with bedbugs. I'm too paranoid to sit in any work chair now. There are 12 hours left in my shift. FML

#21433237
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22243) - you deserved it (1445)

On 06/28/2015 at 11:00am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, after my daughter told half her class about my retainer, I advised her to keep mummy's personal details personal. Now she responds, "I'm not supposed to tell" to any question regarding our home life. Thus far, I've received six very concerned calls. FML

#21433102
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20698) - you deserved it (1991)

On 06/28/2015 at 1:13am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I decided to break up with my boyfriend. The main reason being that he doesn't value my time, and fails to see how canceling at the last minute is rude and a major inconvenience. I wanted to be respectful enough by breaking things off face to face. He cancelled, at the last minute. FML

#21433097
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22653) - you deserved it (1944)

On 06/28/2015 at 1:06am - love - by Waste Someone Else's Time - United States

Today, as I kissed my husband after our wedding vows, my mother-in-law muttered "Slut." loudly from the front row. Everyone heard her, but kept smiling and pretended to be oblivious. FML

#21432863
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26399) - you deserved it (1785)

On 06/27/2015 at 2:56pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boyfriend called me while I was at work. He sounded very excited and told me he had a surprise for me. He doesn't usually do this kind of thing, so I was excited. When I came home, I found him naked, with "Bone Appetite" written right above his penis. FML

#21432853
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24030) - you deserved it (3194)

On 06/27/2015 at 2:37pm - love - by stillhungry - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend came back from her mission trip with hickies all over her boobs. She said it wasn't cheating because she was doing God's work and that they canceled each other out. FML

#21432849
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27702) - you deserved it (2219)

On 06/27/2015 at 2:29pm - love - by isaidfuckoff (woman) - United States

Today, while watching a family movie, my mother made every effort to make sure I covered my eyes during a kissing scene. I guess it shouldn't be a surprise, since she still forces me to put my phone in her room every night as she makes me go to bed at 8:30 PM. FML

#21432771
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24122) - you deserved it (2982)

On 06/27/2015 at 11:01am - misc - by anonynous - United States (North Carolina)



FML's blog

  • Tania's illustrated FML
  • Hi gang! How are you all doing? This week has been quite eventful for some people. Uber has been causing taxi drivers here and there to get their knickers in a twist, notable over here in France, which caused…

Friday 26 June 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: