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Today, I went to a local Indian takeaway, since I'm from India originally, and none of my friends speak Hindi. I went up to the counter and placed my order in Hindi with the seemingly Indian owner. He gave me a weird look and said, "Huh? Speak English, ya rimjob." FML
by Anonymous / 05/17/2013 at 4:10pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/16/2013 at 6:51am / Australia / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to explain to my husband why I was assuming that he was planning to attend my graduation ceremonies for my PhD next week. He still doesn't understand why he has to be there, and is pissed that he will miss his weekly pub crawl with his friends. FML
by married life / 05/16/2013 at 1:58am / Canada (British Columbia) / Love
by Anonymous / 05/14/2013 at 7:13am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/13/2013 at 6:05pm / United States (Hawaii) / Miscellaneous
by Chia / 05/10/2013 at 6:58pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Health
Today, while answering an "anonymous" survey about how to keep my school drug free, I told them they should stop drug testing the kids that they know don't do drugs and test the sketchier ones. They in turn drug tested me. FML
by drug testing / 05/09/2013 at 6:22pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous
Today, as with every day, I had to endure my roommate talking to his wife in a baby voice. This is a grown man, who has had a beard since junior high, who literally talks to her like you would a puppy or a baby. Someone kill me. FML
by fml0505 / 05/09/2013 at 2:49am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Screwed Up / 05/09/2013 at 1:30am / United States / Health
by 19kwhatever / 05/08/2013 at 9:22pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by anonymous / 05/08/2013 at 8:07pm / United States (Wyoming) / Money
Today, I decided I would try this feature on my banking app which lets me deposit checks by sending a picture of it. The instructions say to rip the check after depositing. The deposit didn't work and now I've got a ripped up paycheck. FML
by Checkless chick / 05/08/2013 at 6:21pm / United States / Money
Today, I was in a bathroom stall and I accidentally dropped my new tampon on the ground. Just as I was about to reach for it, I heard a voice on the other side of the stall say, "Oh great, I needed that" and then a hand reached under my stall and grabbed it. It was my last one. FML
by the girl next door / 05/07/2013 at 1:10am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was checking out a customer who seemed quite friendly. As I finished, he reached slightly over the counter and I impulsively reached out and shook his hand. He gave me a dumbfounded look and said, "Can I have my change please?" FML
by charishard / 05/04/2013 at 1:17am / United States (Texas) / Work
by annoyedgirl / 05/03/2013 at 9:30pm / United States (Washington) / Work
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…