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DamonG86

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DamonG86

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 30 October 1990 (24 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 185
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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DamonG86's favorite FMLs

Today, another idiot was admitted to my hospital with a foreign object up his ass. Yet again, the excuse went along the lines of "I tripped and fell on it." Please, someone tell me how you can accidentally trip anus-first onto the end of a cucumber, which just so happens to have a condom on it. FML

#21432533
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27749) - you deserved it (1985)

On 06/26/2015 at 9:21pm - work - by Idiot says "HIPAA violation" (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, our outgoing boss told us about guy who's replacing him, saying he's very nice but very anal about things. Without thinking, I shrugged and said "Anal's not bad." Now everyone's calling me Anal-Girl. FML

#21432392
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21431) - you deserved it (6948)

On 06/26/2015 at 3:56pm - work - by very analytical (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML

#21428553
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27733) - you deserved it (11306)

On 06/19/2015 at 12:17pm - intimacy - by shmarf (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my boss insisted I go in front of him up the stairs. Out of respect, I insisted he go first. After a few seconds of back and forth insisting, he went. The reason he wanted me to go first was because he had to fart. I inhaled the raunchy gas for over three flights of stairs. FML

#21376143
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26550) - you deserved it (11314)

On 03/17/2015 at 2:12am - work - by Boss Troubles - United States (California)

Today, I watched as the teenage neighbor girl tried to parallel-park between me and my wife's cars. She was doing pretty well until she backed into mine, got scared, hit the accelerator and ran into my wife's. FML

#21287621
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40200) - you deserved it (3057)

On 10/29/2014 at 11:24am - misc - by carless - United States

Today, my friend announced that she'd lost weight recently. As I was congratulating her, my baby sister said, "I think you're still fat but that's good because you can give more meat to God when you go to heaven." Now I have to explain to a 6-year-old that God isn't a cannibal. FML

#21152005
11 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46127) - you deserved it (5322)

On 05/26/2014 at 7:37am - kids - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Wolverhampton)

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming "What the fuck?!" FML

#21151127
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47656) - you deserved it (7238)

On 05/25/2014 at 12:09pm - misc - by great 1st impression (woman) - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, my girlfriend and I got into an argument while she was in the bathroom. I told her I was leaving her because she's too needy. She came out of the bathroom and threw her used tampon at me. FML

#21151109
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46213) - you deserved it (32881)

On 05/25/2014 at 11:50am - love - by HomicidalPegasus (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was chatting with my mother. She was telling me about some new mouthwash she recently got, and the moment the word "gargle" escaped her lips, my husband muttered just a little too loudly from the kitchen, "How about gargling my balls instead, bitch." Our family is now at war. FML

#20985190
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48881) - you deserved it (5408)

On 12/08/2013 at 3:39pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my dad came home drunk off his ass. So drunk that he couldn't manage to open the refrigerator, and ended up punching it in a fit of rage. When I tried to calm him down and get him to bed, he told me to fuck off, and grounded me. FML

#20984974
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37279) - you deserved it (3123)

On 12/08/2013 at 1:00pm - misc - by FML (woman) - Puerto Rico

Today, my grandkids went around my house claiming items to inherit. FML

#20984796
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50856) - you deserved it (3809)

On 12/08/2013 at 8:19am - kids - by blah! - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I got to spend all of my time scrubbing poop off the walls and carpet because my 2-year-old decided he wanted to 'paint mama a picture.' FML

Today, I was babysitting my barely-pubescent cousins, and they started talking about giving blowjobs to their "boyfriends". When I got mad at them and told them they shouldn't be thinking of that stuff, they said I was just pissed 'cause I haven't gotten laid. FML

#20984257
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48645) - you deserved it (4553)

On 12/07/2013 at 8:07pm - misc - by bella - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend and I took a nap, fully clothed. I woke up to him panicking. He'd had a wet dream and was scared that his sperm somehow swam through several layers of clothing and got me pregnant. FML

#20982965
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51263) - you deserved it (5341)

On 12/06/2013 at 4:37pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Mexico)



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