Damian95

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Damian95

5Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 17 November 1995 (20 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1718
  • Number of comments : 316
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About Damian95 : Hi my name is Damian! I'm lame, loud, and slightly immature but lots of fun! I'm also happily taken! I love FML and post replies and comments on the occasion. Im half redneck and Half spanish but i came out as a tan white guy! Feel free to message me if you're bored because I'm a talkative person but I'm not a creeper and rarely message anyone first! If you're scared go to church. And always remember Pimpin Ain't Easy.

Damian95's page activity

Visits<b>youdontsay123456</b> - the 03/15/2016 at 8:01pm<b>ragnarok1540</b> - the 03/01/2016 at 8:48pm<b>n_a_v_y</b> - the 02/25/2016 at 4:54am<b>thefaekitten</b> - the 02/18/2016 at 7:12pm<b>caliqueen187</b> - the 02/01/2016 at 4:32am<b>Mynamewontfi</b> - the 01/24/2016 at 10:14pm<b>TheForsakenTaco</b> - the 01/22/2016 at 1:16pm<b>niceguy123</b> - the 01/20/2016 at 12:30am<b>coolfuzzypants</b> - the 12/29/2015 at 12:30am<b>nfern046</b> - the 12/28/2015 at 12:44pm<b>Apretendbiscuit</b> - the 12/28/2015 at 9:34am<b>Livelife121</b> - the 12/25/2015 at 7:54am<b>TheGreatPotato</b> - the 11/24/2015 at 1:11am<b>EvilTurtle</b> - the 11/23/2015 at 8:52am<b>sydmeister99</b> - the 11/14/2015 at 11:19am<b>odod777</b> - the 11/08/2015 at 3:35pm<b>GAeroNKissR</b> - the 10/01/2015 at 9:52pm<b>RoseWithThorns</b> - the 09/11/2015 at 1:46am

Fucked!<b>ragnarok1540</b> - the 11/30/2015 at 7:45am<b>RoseWithThorns</b> - the 09/09/2015 at 8:36am<b>ChoolyBooly</b> - the 04/01/2015 at 4:49pm<b>Lesser</b> - the 01/15/2015 at 3:19am<b>kaiboy702</b> - the 09/28/2014 at 9:47am

Damian95's FML badges

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

A new Thumb

You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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Damian95's favorite FMLs

Today, I was sitting on the couch, watching The Avengers with my 4-year-old daughter, who loves the Hulk. When Hulk finally showed up, she excitedly looked at me and screamed, "Hulk Smash" before slamming both of her fists into my balls. FML

by Anonymous / 01/30/2014 at 7:34am / United States / Kids

Today, I went to a nativity play. My husband showed up late and drunk, and I had to explain to him why booming "Yeah! Time to get baby Jesus up in this shit!" when our son was about to go on stage got us kicked out. FML

by bastard / 12/22/2013 at 4:28pm / United States / Kids

Today, we went boating with friends. For some reason the bottom of our tube deflated, causing me to be bounced roughly up and down on the water. As a result, I had the most intense orgasm of my entire life, while sitting 2 inches away from my dad's friend. He definitely noticed. FML

by SplishSplash / 08/31/2013 at 9:21pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I was pretending to talk on the phone with my wife just to avoid to speak with my boring coworker. After two awkward minutes of him waiting in front of my desk and me inventing a call, he handed me the disconnected phone cable and left. FML

Today, my daughter had ice cream while I was napping. She didn't want me to know so she put the bowl in the trashcan and put the spoon in the garbage disposal and turned it on, because she thought it would make the spoon disappear. FML

by cherbear1000 / 06/17/2013 at 12:33am / United States (Maryland) / Kids

Today, I woke up to my bratty younger sister cutting through my hair with a pair of scissors. I now look like a freak, and my mum bitched me out for being angry, all because my sister claimed she'd been sleep-walking. Her demented smirk said otherwise. FML

by Anonymous / 06/16/2013 at 2:49pm / France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur) / Kids

Today, I was riding a bike when a truck accidentally hit me. The handsome driver came out and asked if I was alright. I said, "I am now" and winked. He said "Eww, no" then immediately ran away and drove his truck around me. FML

by Anonymous / 06/13/2013 at 9:44pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Transportation

Today, I accidentally left some music playing on my iPad, then left to do some errands. When I came back, I found it smashed into a million pieces. Apparently, grandpa couldn't find any other way to "shut off that goddamn music." FML

by MsGlaDos / 06/12/2013 at 5:45pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, while at my aunt's funeral, my grandma who has terrible memory loss asked me whose funeral we were at. I had to explain to her that her daughter had died. FML

by Me / 06/03/2013 at 1:32am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I gave birth to my daughter in a hospital corridor. The nurse who took me to my room afterward tried to comfort me by saying there've been worse incidents; she said that two years ago, a lady gave birth in the parking lot. That was me too. FML

by laprochainefoisjerestealamaison / 02/25/2013 at 2:47pm / France (Languedoc-Roussillon) / Health

Today, I was babysitting, and I had to pee really, really badly. I couldn't figure out how to get the stupid toilet lock off, and ended up pissing myself. As I stood in the bathroom in tears, their child screamed, "No, no, pee-pee in the POTTY!" FML

by soaked / 02/25/2013 at 2:16pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids

Today, I texted my boyfriend saying that I couldn't wait for him to get home and see my costume, and that I had dressed up as a naked lady. He texted back asking if I could dress up as someone who was making dinner instead. FML

by okay._. / 11/01/2012 at 3:54am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I was feeling depressed and got very, very drunk. This evening, I was feeling equally desperate, and ended up having to get my special dildo removed from my asshole at the hospital. FML

by pride? what's that? :( / 08/31/2012 at 8:23pm / Belgium (Vlaams-Brabant) / Intimacy

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend, who is a fully-grown man, that making dinosaur noises in public is no longer acceptable. FML

by shorty4 / 07/13/2012 at 10:36am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to eat the orange I'd brought to work, but couldn't find it. After minutes searching, I found it. Nailed to the ceiling. FML

by Username / 12/15/2011 at 1:57am / United States (California) / Work