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Dakota27

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Dakota27
  • Town/Country : Portland, United States
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 22 July 1987 (26 years)
  • Number of visits : 894
  • Number of comments : 10
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Dakota27's last visitors

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Dakota27's FML badges

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

See all of Dakota27's badges

Dakota27's favorite FMLs

Today, while sitting on the couch, my boyfriend came over, pulled his penis out of his fly, and started stabbing me in the face with it while humming the Jaws theme. FML

#14990668
289 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43131) - you deserved it (12559)

On 02/15/2011 at 2:28pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I found out that applying toothpaste to your penis to make it taste good for your girlfriend is not a good idea. FML

#14930837
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6986) - you deserved it (65204)

On 02/11/2011 at 12:51am - intimacy - by Zibby -

Today, one of my cats peed all over the back of my couch, so I put her outside for a while. When I let her in, she ran straight to the couch and peed on my laptop. This has been going on ever since I accidentally stepped on her tail, several months ago. FML

#14857654
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26413) - you deserved it (10471)

On 02/05/2011 at 8:58pm - animals - by UghCats (woman) - United States (Wyoming)

Today, I was startled awake at 4am by a loud and awful sound. Completely serious, I asked my fiancé if he had just shit his pants. His response: giggles followed by a softly whispered "maybe". FML

#14794923
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30750) - you deserved it (3886)

On 02/01/2011 at 8:43am - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, after staying up all night at my friend's house, I woke up to something I couldn't identify on my cheek, so I slapped it away. When I heard crying, I opened my eyes and realized it was my friend's three year old sister who was trying to be sweet by kissing me on the cheek. FML

#14577933
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29162) - you deserved it (13917)

On 01/14/2011 at 1:22pm - misc - by ash (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. He decided to make gun sound effects as he came. FML

#14518129
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24656) - you deserved it (5022)

On 01/09/2011 at 5:18am - intimacy - by S - Singapore

Today, my six year old told me I have a big nose. When I told her that she hurt my feelings, she laughed and said "Don't be silly mummy, ugly people don't have feelings." FML

#14199055
292 comments

I agree, your life sucks (104441) - you deserved it (14016)

On 12/14/2010 at 3:21am - kids - by uglywoman - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my mother was over visiting. My three year old ran out of my room chasing the cat with his toy. He smacked the cat with it, the cat scratched him, he dropped it and ran away. I was busy with the baby so I asked my mom to take the toy away. She walked back holding my pink dildo. FML

#13876258
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21996) - you deserved it (9838)

On 11/17/2010 at 12:13pm - intimacy - by bottomdrawerraider (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. He got on the bed on all fours and crawled towards me, saying "My precious... my precious" in Gollum's voice. FML

#13782516
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35236) - you deserved it (6548)

On 11/09/2010 at 9:10pm - intimacy - by single (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I discovered the piggy bank I made a Facebook account for has more friends than me. It has 12. FML

#13733621
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21539) - you deserved it (12317)

On 11/06/2010 at 12:36am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I saw my boyfriend shaving his pubic hair before we had sex. This would be fine, except he was saying "Nom nom nom, I eat cock hairs" to his electric razor. FML

#13481200
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35917) - you deserved it (7752)

On 10/17/2010 at 1:55am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I went on a first date to the movies. During the flick, I choked on a piece of popcorn. I took a gulp of soda and that got stuck as well. I finally got my breath back and let out the loudest burp I ever have. He looked at me and said "Does this mean I can fart now?" FML

#13220186
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14520) - you deserved it (24071)

On 09/27/2010 at 7:45am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, my chemistry professor made us all leave our classroom mid-lab because the class was complaining of the smell, and he was worried that there was a gas leak from one of the Bunsen burners. There wasn't, but it's nice to know my "silent but deadly" smelled like it might actually kill. FML

#13169331
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8324) - you deserved it (29172)

On 09/23/2010 at 12:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was at the DMV getting temporary tags for my new car. While waiting in line, a huge fat lady behind me felt the need to run her finger down the scar on the back of my neck. FML

#13033925
267 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27402) - you deserved it (1950)

On 09/13/2010 at 11:14am - misc - by dmvsucks (man) - United States (Kansas)



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