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D33War12's favorite FMLs
by notastoner / 06/19/2011 at 2:38am / United States (Washington) / Health
Today, I went to my high school reunion. I was super excited to see what everyone had done in their lives. The nerdy guy I bullied is now a U.S. Marine and already has two deployments in Afghanistan under his belt. He looked at me in his dress blues and said, "I remember you." FML
by kringr / 06/05/2011 at 8:52pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I received a friend request on Facebook from my biological father, who I have never met in my life. As I was scrolling through his hobbies and interests, I saw "Drinking," "Black women with big asses," and "Getting laid, lol." FML
by Anonymous / 05/25/2011 at 4:33pm / Canada (New Brunswick) / Intimacy
Today, we got a new dry-erase board, and I drew the Gotham City skyline complete with the Bat Signal. Later, I went downstairs, only to find my mom had written "BATMAN'S GAY" over the top of the picture. FML
by Anon / 05/18/2011 at 7:47am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by Danny / 04/25/2011 at 9:07am / Miscellaneous
by randa / 04/19/2011 at 2:38am / Kids
by blower / 04/11/2011 at 12:01am / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 03/21/2011 at 1:32pm / United Kingdom (Wiltshire) / Geek
Today, I have a condition that, when I pull my foreskin back, it looks as if a rubber band has been put on it. The doctor told me the only way to fix it was to have me circumcised. My mum laughed, then asked him if he had a magnifying lens to do it. FML
by Anonymous / 02/16/2011 at 7:54am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
by dancer101 / 02/04/2011 at 10:01am / United States / Kids
Today, while in my room sleeping, my little brother deemed it necessary to come in and drop a book on my face. When I sat up with a now bloody nose, he looked at me, pointed, and said "You've just been facebooked" and ran away giggling. FML
by Malakai / 02/02/2011 at 12:57am / United States / Kids
Today, while lying in bed with my fiancé, we were talking about how we'd rather die, if given a choice. I said, "I want to die in my sleep next to you." His response? "It'd be sexier if you were on top of me with your face between my legs." Cute, honey. FML
by legwarmer / 12/31/2010 at 2:21pm / United States (Louisiana) / Intimacy
by 3yrneveragainn / 12/30/2010 at 7:45pm / Love
by unfortunategeek / 12/23/2010 at 11:13am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to meet the girl I'd been talking to online for a while, and fallen in love with. When I arrived at her house, my brother answered the door and took a picture of my shocked face. He and his girlfriend had planned the entire thing because I'm apparently the most gullible member of the family. FML
by phonesage / 12/13/2010 at 3:29pm / United States (Nebraska) / Love
- Today, my mother was vacuuming my room and found a towel under my bed. She asked "why does it smell… Today, I was having sex with a really hot guy, when suddenly he pulled out and told me that "he had… Today, I was masturbating while chewing gum. Halfway into the session, the gum flew down my throat,…