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D33War12's favorite FMLs
Today, I was using the bathroom and checking Facebook on my phone. As I'm checking my news feed, I notice a new photo upload by my brother. I guess I forgot to shut the door to the bathroom, because it's me on the toilet. FML
by beccabooyah / 11/19/2011 at 7:52pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my mother, her fiancé, and I were having dinner together. My mother was joking that she wasn't sure she could hold him down, as he used to "get around." She turned to talk to the waiter and my future step-father looked me up and down and winked. FML
by Anonymous / 11/18/2011 at 6:17am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
by xattackattackx / 11/18/2011 at 4:01am / United States (Hawaii) / Health
Today, I was reading a book in German, which I don't know very well. Suddenly I reached a passage I had no trouble understanding. Excited, I showed my husband, saying I was finally getting the hang of it. He laughed and patted my head. Turns out, that particular passage was a quote. In English. FML
by dunicha / 11/16/2011 at 7:37pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, a neighbor came by while I was cooking. She asked for some of my cheese, so I gave her a big slice and told her I only had cheddar. She angrily refused to accept the slice, and made her way to my fridge. She then yelled at me for not having an assortment of cheeses. FML
by SetoAyumi / 11/15/2011 at 3:40am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anon / 11/14/2011 at 3:45am / United States (Nevada) / Work
by weswithaute / 11/13/2011 at 1:53am / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids
Today, I was at a bar with my friend, when I noticed a young lad at a table near to us. I thought it'd be funny to jeer and flick peanuts at him. I went to the restroom, only to come back to my friend face-down on the floor. Turns out the guy fucked him up instead, and now he won't talk to me. FML
by Cooper491 / 09/15/2011 at 5:22pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mom baked cupcakes for my visiting grandparents. Later, I saw my grandpa chowing down on them. Even later, my mom demanded to know why there were a dozen cupcake wrappers on my bed. I've essentially been framed by my own grandpa, and am now grounded for a month. FML
by why?! / 09/09/2011 at 9:57pm / United States (Ohio) / Kids
by b3ardown23 / 09/06/2011 at 9:14pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, while riding in the car with my mother, we got into an argument, at which point she pulled the vehicle over, took the key out of the ignition and used it to turn off the passenger airbag. She then continued driving in silence. FML
by W1D0 / 08/20/2011 at 2:23am / United States (Illinois) / Transportation
by Eddie / 08/07/2011 at 3:43pm / Israel (HaMerkaz) / Intimacy
by vsf / 08/01/2011 at 8:31pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was helping clean my grandpa's garage when I found some of his old election posters from the '50s. They included slogans such as, "Dick: you know it feels right" and "Want growth? Choose Dick." I'm not sure whether to be disgusted or impressed. FML
by Nick / 07/27/2011 at 1:32pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, I purchased an app to track my period. When my mother asked me why I got it, I told her I was going to use it so I knew when to not go on a date because I don't want to be uncomfortable during a long movie. She slapped me in the face and called me a dirty prostitute and a liar. FML
by stillAvirgin:( / 06/19/2011 at 9:46pm / United States (Arkansas) / Intimacy
- Today, on the road in China, I committed a small offense. A cop saw me, stopped me and told me that… Today, I sprayed pepper spray on a guy who appeared to be following me. He was really cute, and was… Today, I’m a French teacher abroad, and as my beard has a huge hole near my chin, my students call…