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D33War12's favorite FMLs
by Pimpleeater / 12/20/2011 at 2:45am / New Zealand (Wellington) / Kids
Today, it was my first day working as a nightclub bartender. All through the evening, a really creepy bloke stood in a dark corner and leered at the girls on the dance floor. When I took the bouncer to one side to let him know, he told me the man was a coat stand. FML
by Bob smith / 12/19/2011 at 3:57pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Work
by Anonymous / 12/19/2011 at 3:31pm / United States (New York) / Transportation
Today, my wife threatened to end our relationship if I didn't skip work and stay at home. She's into astrology, and apparently when one of those money-grubbing frauds writes "betrayal will come from someone close to you", it's reason enough to suspect that I'll cheat on her. FML
by Anonymous / 12/19/2011 at 3:08pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, I was working on the computer when my dad walks in, pointing his finger at me like a gun. Before I could even ask, it turns out he was aiming a rubber band at me. The doctor says I'll be able to take off my eye patch in a couple of days. FML
by suhleedah18 / 12/19/2011 at 12:03am / United States / Health
Today, I made a fake Facebook account for a girl, and then set my relationship status to make it look like the fake person was my girlfriend. Someone found out and hacked the fake account. My fake girlfriend just dumped me over Facebook. FML
by Anonymous / 12/18/2011 at 8:24pm / United States (Alabama) / Love
by Anonymous / 12/17/2011 at 2:47am / Miscellaneous
Today, I'll be sleeping in my car for umpteenth time this year, because my psychotic wife is again convinced that I'm sleeping with practically every woman in my state. I'm too broke to pay for a divorce, and too embarrassed to go to a friend's house. FML
by agony / 12/16/2011 at 10:29pm / United States (New York) / Love
Today, after rocking my one-year old daughter for nearly two hours, she finally fell asleep. As I went to leave her room, I stubbed my toe. I now have a broken toe, a screaming child, and a wife who will be so proud that her daughter's first word is "FUCK!" FML
by DocBastard / 12/16/2011 at 9:29pm / United States / Kids
by Brit / 12/16/2011 at 3:50am / Reserved / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 12/16/2011 at 12:30am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was riding the subway, reading a book, when a woman suddenly shoved a flyer over my book. Aghast by her rude gesture, I declined to take the paper. I looked over and noticed it was a flyer for a missing girl. FML
by Ms. Heartless / 12/15/2011 at 7:37pm / United States (New York) / Transportation
by ms piggy / 12/15/2011 at 4:52pm / United States / Health
by newlysingle / 12/14/2011 at 12:15am / United States / Love
by anonymous / 12/11/2011 at 7:01pm / United States (Ohio) / Love
- Today, during a family dinner with my grandparents, I showed them some pictures. One was a picture… Today, I checked in at a hotel, got the keys and went up to my room. However, there seemed to be a… Today, I found myself completely naked, tied to a chair with a slice of ham on each breast. Note to…