CynicallyAlive

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Offline (the 09/11/2016 at 7:54pm)

CynicallyAlive

2Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 743
  • Number of comments : 13
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About CynicallyAlive : Life has a habit of giving you oranges when you need lemons

CynicallyAlive's page activity

Visits<b>Hellish_Emu</b> - the 03/20/2016 at 6:17pm<b>nullroute</b> - the 03/20/2016 at 2:42am<b>Clive_Anderson</b> - the 03/19/2016 at 12:50pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 03/18/2016 at 11:41pm<b>PantyGAMES</b> - the 09/20/2015 at 11:43pm<b>yve1220</b> - the 09/17/2015 at 10:55am<b>dantecarlson</b> - the 09/17/2015 at 9:49am<b>MistyKittyx</b> - the 09/17/2015 at 3:05am<b>PikachuTaylor</b> - the 09/05/2015 at 1:26am<b>bgreen1111</b> - the 06/03/2015 at 9:42pm<b>alicealiveordead</b> - the 06/28/2014 at 4:02pm<b>BunchieRules</b> - the 05/29/2014 at 12:37am<b>coldpepsi82</b> - the 05/28/2014 at 4:55pm<b>cherrio27</b> - the 05/28/2014 at 2:51pm<b>GeneralySpeaking</b> - the 05/28/2014 at 2:25pm<b>91hayek</b> - the 05/25/2014 at 5:23am<b>Federgirl</b> - the 04/25/2014 at 11:15pm<b>veebiter</b> - the 04/21/2014 at 11:53pm

Fucked!<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 03/19/2016 at 4:41am<b>MistyKittyx</b> - the 09/17/2015 at 9:05am

CynicallyAlive's FML badges

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

See all of CynicallyAlive's badges

CynicallyAlive's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out that my sister's kids refer to me as their 'Druncle'. I guess I have to admit to myself that I'm an alcoholic. FML

by drucle / 03/18/2016 at 8:49am / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Health

Today, my dad was telling me some childhood stories. He mentioned I once started sucking on a cow's udder when I was 2, and I asked why didn't he stop me. His response: "You were an accident and I wasn't good at the parenting thing". FML

by gotmilk? / 09/22/2015 at 9:41am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went on a date with a girl I like. Afterwards, I drove her home, and we just sat there awkwardly. I thought she wanted to kiss me but was nervous, so I jokingly said "What're you waiting for? Christmas?" I guess she took that as a "Get the hell out", because she broke into tears and left. FML

by fuck / 04/18/2015 at 10:38am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, at a big family dinner, my dad said, "Pfff, gays don't have it hard at all. The things a guy has to do for sex with a girl? Crazy. All a gay guy has to do for sex is become an altar boy!" My husband's side of the family is very religious, and all hell quickly broke loose. FML

by killme / 03/07/2015 at 1:42pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, I noticed that my son was less excited about losing a tooth than normal. I asked him what was wrong, he said, "Tyler told me that the tooth fairy died yesterday in a car accident." To which Tyler replied, "You're welcome." FML

by Mommycakes / 03/03/2015 at 8:14am / United States (Arizona) / Kids

Today, I tried baking my own bread to save food money. Unfortunately I screwed it up, prompting my wife to look at me pityingly and say "Wow, can't get even bread to rise." before walking out. I have erectile dysfunction, and she constantly insults me like this. FML

by Anonymous / 01/09/2015 at 3:16pm / United States / Health

Today, at my daughter's ballet recital, after she was done dancing, grown adults booed. She's five. FML

by anon / 12/11/2014 at 8:43pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, fed up with my nerdy appearance, I got my hair shaved off, hoping for a Walter White kind of look. I didn't think it was too bad, but not even an hour later, I'd already been called a "fat Bruce Willis" and compared to a freshly circumcised penis. FML

by richard / 03/21/2014 at 12:10pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up to something tickling me. Thinking it was my cat, I reached under the covers to give her a friendly scratch behind the ears. I imagine the giant spider that was actually there enjoyed my terrified screams. FML

by thatsnotacat / 11/21/2013 at 12:52pm / Australia (Queensland) / Animals

Today, I woke up to a very unpleasant feeling. Apparently, the tattoo I got on my arm a couple of days ago attracted hundreds of ants during its healing process. They were literally carrying away pieces of my skin. I can not get the feeling or image out of my head. FML

by aly55a_mariie / 08/20/2013 at 3:04pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, it's my fifth wedding anniversary. My wife bailed on the romantic dinner that I arranged in favor of running off with her friends. Their big event: an amateur Fight Club event they'd decided to stage in an abandoned parking lot. FML

by Anonymous / 07/19/2013 at 12:41pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Love

Today, I was teaching my daughter how to drive. We were passing by a merge lane; I told her to slow down and let a green car merge in front of us. She said, "Fuck the green car" and sped up, colliding with it. Apparently she didn't know that would happen. FML

by Anonymous / 07/14/2013 at 11:40pm / United States (Maryland) / Transportation

Today, while leaving McDonald's, I threw a fry out the window to a flock of seagulls. I watched in the rear-view mirror as it landed in the opposite lane and about 60 winged rats descended upon the street, causing a truck to veer off the road and crash. FML

by John / 07/09/2013 at 10:48pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the airport after saying goodbye to my, for some reason, giggling boyfriend. I learnt why he was so cheerful when I opened my purse in front of the guards, only to find pink-furry handcuffs, and a huge dildo. They pretended not to know what it was. FML

by Anonymous / 03/23/2013 at 11:21am / Norway (Sor-Trondelag) / Intimacy

Today, I was answering a text from one of my students asking me if they could re-take a test. I thought I'd texted back "No, you can't." Auto correct had used a more frequently used word: "No, you cunt." FML

by Anonymous / 03/03/2011 at 6:22am / United States (California) / Work