About Ctrl_H : I don't know how to have casual conversation. You think you're talking about one thing, and either you are and it's incredibly boring, or you're not because it's subtext and you need a decoder ring.
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Ctrl_H's favorite FMLs
by CrappyCar / 05/14/2013 at 1:29am / United States / Transportation
by those_allergies / 05/12/2013 at 1:20am / United States (Oregon) / Health
by failure as a parent / 05/11/2013 at 5:19pm / United States (New Jersey) / Kids
Today, my nose started running while in bed with my boyfriend. I kept trying to wipe it off with my arm to avoid ruining the moment. My boyfriend then looks up at me in horror. Turns out it wasn't mucus; it was blood. And it was all over his neck, his shirt, and his silk sheets. FML
by Sirah90 / 05/07/2013 at 3:29am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I walked into the living room to find my 11-year-old daughter about to kiss her "not my boyfriend" on the lips. When I asked what she thought she was doing, she peeled a piece of scotch tape off her lips and said, "It's okay! We're using protection." FML
by wtfmama / 05/04/2013 at 8:51am / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids
Today, walking by myself, I was caught up in a group of people that got arrested, and we all got fined for creating a public disturbance. When I explained I wasn't with them, the group backed me up. The police thought I was the ringleader, and now I have to go to court. FML
by Anonymous / 05/03/2013 at 9:14pm / Netherlands / Miscellaneous
by flowerging / 04/11/2013 at 12:53am / United States (New York) / Love
Today, I came home in tears over finding out my boyfriend has been cheating on me. I told my seemingly sympathetic dad everything. His advice was to lure them both to our house with the promise of a three-way, after which he'd "kill the shit" out of them. Real mature, dad. FML
by immaturity all around / 03/31/2013 at 1:55pm / United States / Love
- Today, my mother worked out that my boyfriend and I are having sex. Instead of confronting me about… Today, I was rubbing my lips against my boyfriend's lips when I said "Your mustache tickles" in a… Today, I asked my boyfriend if he could finally go down on me. He said, "No, that's disgusting" and…