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CsHx's favorite FMLs
Today, I came home to visit my family for spring break, only to realize that I'd left my phone in my apartment. After a 2 hour drive back, I discovered my boyfriend with my neighbor. He panicked and pretended to be sleepwalking. FML
by Maybe I'll stay longer than spring break. / 03/31/2013 at 12:34am / United States (Virginia) / Holidays
Today, I was chatting with a co-worker, and she mentioned she has trouble swallowing pills. I replied that I'm lucky, because I have next to no gag reflex. Half the guys at the other registers abruptly went silent, and I'm now being constantly hit on. FML
by Anonymous / 03/28/2013 at 4:56pm / France (Champagne-Ardenne) / Work
by Anonymous / 03/17/2013 at 6:14am / United States / Love
Today, wanting to impress my date, I bullshitted her about how I was an environmental scientist. She got so impressed that she invited me over to her place. Not her home, her office. So that I could give her pointers on her current project. She's a real environmental scientist. FML
by is there a environmental scientist in the house? / 03/05/2013 at 3:48am / United States (California) / Geek
Today, I was sitting on the chair-lift on a ski trip. There was a shift in gears and the metal in the seat began to vibrate. My dad, sister, and step-mom were all on the lift with me, not feeling a thing. It's terribly awkward to converse with your family while you involuntarily orgasm. FML
by Frostbitten / 02/26/2013 at 10:00pm / United States (Maine) / Intimacy
Today, a cyclone hit my city. Though everywhere else is flooding, my house is fine. Well, that was until the toilet decided to overflow and regurgitate the entire town's sewerage. So now my only bathroom is covered in sewage, and I can't go anywhere else because of the flooding. FML
by shitday / 01/27/2013 at 6:47pm / Australia (Queensland) / Health
Today, I was walking out of my girlfriend's house with her when I saw her thong drying on the rack. I picked it up, sniffed it and put it on my face as a joke. She replied with, "Those are my mother's." FML
by Anonymous / 01/16/2013 at 12:52am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, during an hour-long drive, my sister told me she's lost her "faith in humanity", because one of her friends bought his 8-year-old son an iPad. She uses this stupid expression all the time, and I got so pissed off that I forgot to brake at a red light, rear-ending the car in front of us. FML
by lostmyfaithinblowjobs / 01/11/2013 at 9:16pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Transportation
Today, I was yet again asked to show my hall pass. I'm 23 and work at a middle school. I've worked here for the last five months, so not only do I look 13 years old, I'm also not memorable enough for my own coworkers to recognize me. FML
by Can'tAgeOrMakeFriends / 01/11/2013 at 8:11pm / United States / Work
by Anonymous / 10/21/2012 at 11:19pm / United States / Love
Today, I wanted to surprise my long distance girlfriend by flying to her unannounced. When I arrived at her house, her family tells me that she herself boarded an unannounced flight to where I lived hours ago. Surprise. FML
by Jex / 10/06/2012 at 6:04am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Love
Today, uncertain of having a job next month or being able to pay rent, I'm filling out tens of online surveys a day for gift cards to McDonald's, to buy hamburgers that I can freeze so I will have food for the coming months. FML
by willtype4food / 09/09/2012 at 8:45pm / Finland / Money
by Lauraborealous / 09/05/2012 at 2:27pm / Canada (Alberta) / Money
by lonely. / 08/15/2012 at 12:46pm / United States (New York) / Love
Today, out of curiosity, I measured the length of my penis whilst in the shower. A couple of hours later, my father called me downstairs to show me something. Turns out I left the ruler on top of the shower tree. He won't stop laughing. FML
by Infiltrator4444 / 07/25/2012 at 9:11pm / United States (Kentucky) / Intimacy