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Crabtree1015's favorite FMLs
Today, I sprayed down some ants in my house. In the sea of ant corpses was a single living ant seemingly cradling a dead one in its arms. I'm convinced I just became the villain in an epic tragedy. Now I have to live with my ant problem because I can't bear to tear another family apart. FML
by Blood on my hands / 08/07/2013 at 1:40am / United States / Animals
by nosestealer / 07/07/2013 at 5:57pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
by sex deprived / 06/16/2013 at 1:10am / United States / Intimacy
by Rjlup / 06/11/2013 at 10:00am / United States (Colorado) / Animals
by notyourmom / 06/11/2013 at 8:00am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 05/29/2013 at 3:17am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy
Today, while I was in the shower, I heard a door slam. Assuming it was my fiancé, I shouted "I love you!" I later opened the bathroom door to see my stereo and television missing. I'd said "I love you" to whoever robbed my apartment. FML
by ShowerGirl / 04/30/2013 at 3:54am / United States / Money
Today, it's my only day off work in a while. I told my boss I'd be available via phone in case of emergencies. So far I've been called three times: To ask how the fax works, to let me know it's a slow day, and to ask me where the letter R is on a keyboard. FML
by Anonymous / 04/19/2013 at 6:17am / Germany (Berlin) / Work
Today, I was feeling sick and fainted while teaching my kindergarten class. I came to when one boy poured a cup of water on my face. Three kids were crying into my walkie talkie telling the office I was dead, and the rest of the class had disappeared. FML
by kindergarten teacher / 03/23/2013 at 9:25am / United States (California) / Kids
by SolaceInRage / 03/20/2013 at 7:53pm / United States (Illinois) / Animals
by shelbylove115 / 02/22/2013 at 12:35am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, while I was in the shower, my boyfriend decided to join me. We were really getting into it and he attempted to lift me up. Not only did I let out a massive fart, he slipped and fell on top of me. He won't stop laughing. FML
Today, I got so lonely I decided to make sock puppets and play with them. I played for four hours straight, only to be interrupted by a phone call. I didn't answer because my sock puppets were "on a date" and I didn't want to stop playing. FML
by ineedalife / 02/02/2013 at 7:08am / Australia / Miscellaneous
Today, in the middle of the night, I got up to go get some water. When I came back, I was going to flop onto my bed, but I faceplanted into my floor. I'd forgotten that I'd rearranged my room and moved my bed. FML
by ayye_its_nikki / 12/19/2012 at 12:07am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was getting intimate with my current bootycall when he thought it would be funny to make animal sounds. He "baa-ed" "moo-ed" and "gobbled" until losing his erection from intense laughter, leaving me there very confused and unsatisfied. FML
by Bug5992 / 12/09/2012 at 5:46pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, I'm still reeling over the unexpected loss of my co-worker. I also received a notification…
- Today, a pervert was visibly playing with himself right next to me on the train. Then on the bus.… Today, after sharing my first night in bed with my boyfriend, I woke up early, and decided to rouse… Today, I was texting this guy that I hooked up with yesterday. We were gonna do it again but he had…