Cortezthe1st

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Offline (yesterday at 11:46am)

Cortezthe1st

30Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 20 May 1999 (17 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1428
  • Number of comments : 60
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About Cortezthe1st : Just an average teenage boy who prefers playing video games over attending parties.

Necrotizing Fasciitis

Emmett Till you da real MVP.

Cortezthe1st's page activity

Visits<b>Vkfan</b> - the 06/30/2016 at 1:58pm<b>peeta0330</b> - the 06/25/2016 at 11:28pm<b>Whiplash169</b> - the 05/19/2016 at 12:35am<b>Rababco</b> - the 05/10/2016 at 7:43pm<b>Duladian</b> - the 03/29/2016 at 7:53pm<b>darkflame1516</b> - the 03/15/2016 at 12:37pm<b>KatieKoala</b> - the 03/14/2016 at 12:39am<b>courtly25</b> - the 03/07/2016 at 11:25pm<b>Clanesda</b> - the 02/29/2016 at 1:01pm<b>914smv</b> - the 02/10/2016 at 3:33pm<b>rd_23</b> - the 01/09/2016 at 5:44am<b>Risea</b> - the 12/18/2015 at 10:21pm<b>cornyrob</b> - the 12/15/2015 at 8:02am<b>poorjudgement</b> - the 12/11/2015 at 1:25am<b>TreeTreeMan</b> - the 12/10/2015 at 9:08pm<b>britbear0731</b> - the 12/01/2015 at 11:50pm<b>chaoss10</b> - the 11/29/2015 at 6:11am<b>JHPugh</b> - the 11/14/2015 at 11:00am

Fucked!<b>junjunbun</b> - the 10/05/2015 at 10:58am<b>Emmamazing</b> - the 07/12/2015 at 10:43pm<b>ARCHANGELGABRIEL</b> - the 06/21/2015 at 9:09pm<b>apineapple</b> - the 05/26/2015 at 4:40am<b>KatieKoala</b> - the 05/02/2015 at 10:56pm<b>FitFriday</b> - the 04/20/2015 at 9:29am<b>tournamentdecide</b> - the 04/19/2015 at 5:20pm<b>yescry</b> - the 04/19/2015 at 5:15pm<b>Baka_Me</b> - the 04/19/2015 at 11:55am<b>Zigstyle308</b> - the 04/19/2015 at 5:08am<b>FailStaff</b> - the 04/19/2015 at 4:36am<b>Bazinga_1821</b> - the 04/16/2015 at 5:09am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/13/2015 at 9:10pm<b>purpleturtle16</b> - the 04/13/2015 at 8:35pm<b>mwali02</b> - the 03/07/2015 at 4:19pm<b>ChoolyBooly</b> - the 03/01/2015 at 6:24am<b>commanderstiff</b> - the 02/28/2015 at 1:01am<b>OhWhoCares</b> - the 02/19/2015 at 10:32pm

Cortezthe1st's FML badges

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

Keen reader – Level: godlike ninja

You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of Cortezthe1st's badges

Cortezthe1st's favorite FMLs

Today, my best friend can now say "I fucked your mom" to me and actually mean it. FML

by Anonymous / 04/22/2015 at 10:14am / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy

Today, I was making out with a girl I've liked for a long time. At one point she stopped kissing me and said, "You kiss like my brother". I sat there dumbstruck as she went back to kissing me. FML

by Anonymous / 02/03/2015 at 1:23pm / United States (Wyoming) / Love

Today, while visiting my grandparents, I used one of their blankets to keep warm. Later, I saw their dog getting busy with said blanket. When my grandparents saw my look of horror, they explained that he has "sexual relations" with the blanket every night. Thanks for telling me, guys. FML

by Anonymous / 07/17/2013 at 7:56am / United States / Animals

Today, I went on a date for the first time in eight months. He didn't make a move. I then asked if we were on a date. He said, "I don't know, I guess." I can't tell either. FML

by confused / 04/09/2011 at 4:08am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I was at a grocery store with my 3 year old son. As I was picking a cereal out, an older man comes over and says, "You should have used condoms. What an ugly boy." FML

by ravenskater / 04/03/2011 at 10:47pm / Kids

Today, I was told I sound like a seal barking when I orgasm. FML

by sealy / 12/28/2010 at 2:44am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, I told my boyfriend I was really horny. He then gave me the link to his favorite "porn". He said I should do it for him. It was a youtube video of some girl making a sandwich. FML

by fmysexlife / 07/27/2009 at 1:06am / United States (New Hampshire) / Intimacy

Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserted dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my mom walked in. FML

by sucks / 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm / United States (Georgia) / Animals

Today, a man in my town was arrested for hiding methanphetamine in a hollowed out walking cane and distributing it to the population of his retirement complex. That man was my 58 year old father. FML

by Noname / 03/10/2009 at 11:01am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dog found my marijuana pipe and the bag it was in and brought it to my parents. FML

by Fucked / 01/16/2009 at 2:38pm / United States (North Carolina) / Animals