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ComaWhiteLove's favorite FMLs
Today, my daughter wouldn't stop yapping on about not being able to register on the new Harry Potter website. The amount of whiny jibber-jabber emanating from her cake-hole made me want to boot her from our family tree, and I had to resort to booze to wash the pain away. I'm a terrible parent. FML
by makeitstop / 08/04/2011 at 9:41am / United Kingdom / Kids
by sbutler / 07/14/2011 at 4:14pm / United States (Florida) / Work
Today, I was pulled over by a cop. He asked for my license and registration so I reached for my center console. I was then greeted with a gun to my ear because my coffee cup supposedly looked like a gun. I stepped out of my car to apologize and I was hit with a big stick. FML
by phant776 / 05/13/2011 at 12:02am / United States (California) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 04/03/2011 at 11:14am / United States (Texas) / Love
by Anonymous / 03/22/2011 at 10:59am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, in an attempt to get my son to stop playing Call of Duty, I threw his Xbox controller out the window. He was so desperate, he followed it. His bedroom is on the second floor. My son has 3 broken ribs, and no future. FML
by failureparent / 03/20/2011 at 9:25pm / United States (California) / Geek
by 123roomielover / 01/26/2011 at 12:40pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, I decided to be adventurous and give my boyfriend head in the downstairs tv room. Just as he was about to cum I heard someone walking towards the door. I took my mouth off to get up and lock the door just as he came. Didn't make it to the door but my dad saw something he will never forget. FML
by stickyface / 10/24/2010 at 1:18am / Canada (Manitoba) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 10/21/2010 at 9:03pm / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 06/25/2010 at 5:36am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by Doritos / 06/17/2010 at 4:06am / United States (Hawaii) / Intimacy
Today, a guy commented on a picture of my boyfriend and I kissing on facebook, and said to please stop 'testing' him. He also messaged me saying how he wishes he could get a girlfriend like me, that I'm gorgeous, and that he wants to go out with me. I'm his cousin. FML
by Brandee / 03/04/2010 at 8:39pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Love
by 0867142 / 02/26/2010 at 7:39pm / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous
Today, after recently having had surgery, I Iearnt that some extra tissue was needed to cover up the hole in the roof of my mouth. Where did they get this tissue? From a dead person. I now have the flesh of a dead person in my mouth, which by the way is now infected. FML
by Sophie / 02/17/2010 at 12:07am / United States (Texas) / Health
Today, I went to Walmart with my girlfriend. We bought the usual, food, Advil and condoms. While I waited in line, she went to grab everything. When she came back, I looked in the cart and saw no condoms. I asked her why she didn't get any. She replied "They ran out of smalls." Everyone laughed. FML
by xXxJoe16xXx / 12/01/2009 at 4:11pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 2Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…