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Cole_jw

Offline (the 07/19/2015 at 11:25pm) | Search for a member

Cole_jw

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1086
  • Number of comments : 1
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About Cole_jw : I tend to think I'm a cool guy.

Cole_jw's page activity

Visits<b>DG95</b> - the 12/05/2014 at 7:01pm<b>rickyvil</b> - the 10/07/2014 at 1:44am<b>itsashmarbaby</b> - the 10/06/2014 at 7:05pm<b>jamie_elocin</b> - the 10/06/2014 at 6:15pm<b>sarah5745</b> - the 10/06/2014 at 5:52pm<b>FrenchMixer</b> - the 06/10/2014 at 3:26am<b>AllThatXO</b> - the 06/07/2014 at 11:56pm

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Cole_jw's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to the pharmacy to buy condoms. My card was declined, and I had to stand and watch in morbid fascination as the man behind me kindly paid for my purchase. His reason was "God forbid a maxed out Visa should get in the way of fucking." FML

#20698637
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68382) - you deserved it (19354)

On 06/01/2013 at 1:09am - intimacy - by Samprib (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, a few freshmen jumped my fence. They decided to take a dip in the pool, so I pulled out a paintball gun. I unloaded over 100 rounds, painting their backs bright yellow. It also dyed my pool yellow, and it'll apparently cost around $500 to repair. FML

#20691900
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30467) - you deserved it (54764)

On 05/28/2013 at 8:48pm - money - by pool party - United States (Illinois)

Today, my fiancée broke off our engagement. For some bizarre reason, she'd hidden a pair of expensive boots and her iPad underneath our ride-on mower. I turned the mower on and destroyed both without realizing it. According to her, the fault is all mine. FML

#20630400
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52022) - you deserved it (3550)

On 04/29/2013 at 2:07pm - love - by Wow. Really? - United States (Ohio)

Today, my mum asked me, "Shouldn't you be cleaning your room?" On impulse, I replied, "Shouldn't you be in the kitchen?" I've never been hit so hard in my life. FML

#20612550
273 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32886) - you deserved it (113141)

On 04/22/2013 at 3:19am - misc - by Anon - Singapore

Today, I gave my son a fork, so I could try teaching him how to eat with one. So far, he's been doing all the teaching. He's taught me that if I get anywhere near him when he has a fork, I'll get shanked. FML

Today, my boyfriend made me play Slender. I was so terrified, I stopped playing 10 minutes in. Tonight, I kept hearing noises outside. When I peered out through the window, a bald figure in a suit was staring back at me. I shrieked in absolute terror; he burst out laughing. It was my boyfriend. FML

#20520443
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33478) - you deserved it (4983)

On 02/24/2013 at 4:20pm - misc - by stillfuckingcrying (woman) - Sweden (Kalmar Lan)

Today, my boyfriend discovered that if he flicks my clitoris just right, my legs both twitch spastically regardless of arousal level. He thinks it's hilarious and can no longer take sex seriously. FML

#20423881
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42756) - you deserved it (5021)

On 12/26/2012 at 4:20pm - intimacy - by geewhy (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was playing with my four year old cousin. He had a toy whale and said, "Shark!" I corrected him and told him it was a whale. He picked it up, threw it at my face, and yelled, "SHAAARK!" FML

#20176364
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18618) - you deserved it (6908)

On 11/24/2012 at 8:59am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally hooked up with the girl of my dreams. We went back to her place, and I explored every inch of her body; luscious lips, hourglass curves, genital warts... The worst part was when she got angry when I refused to continue, shouting, "No wonder you're still a virgin!" FML

#19938552
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38835) - you deserved it (4620)

On 07/14/2012 at 8:50pm - intimacy - by checkup (man) - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)

Today, I was joking around with my eight-year-old son. I told him to pull my finger. I farted, then laughed. He decided to try it on his mother. When she pulled his finger, he crapped his pants. He told her I taught him how to do it. FML

#19791702
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12930) - you deserved it (26736)

On 06/15/2012 at 10:21am - kids - by habbsrule - Canada

Today, I finally got the girl of my dreams to come over for a movie. When I answered the door, my little brother ran up behind me, yelled "geronimo" and pulled down my pants and underwear. FML

#19615713
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30953) - you deserved it (2947)

On 05/13/2012 at 8:15am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I woke up to a really cold feeling down below. I opened my eyes and saw my girlfriend grinning like a maniac and holding my crotch-sausage between two scissor blades. I screamed in terror like a little bitch, and she says I'm never gonna live this down. FML

#19506149
430 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45041) - you deserved it (4124)

On 04/21/2012 at 1:38pm - intimacy - by Hakimstah (man) - Lebanon

Today, while sitting on the couch, my boyfriend came over, pulled his penis out of his fly, and started stabbing me in the face with it while humming the Jaws theme. FML

#14990668
293 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46497) - you deserved it (13297)

On 02/15/2011 at 2:28pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was trying to see how far I could get away from the toilet while pissing. Instead I tripped over backwards and pissed all over my face. FML

#7101810
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7965) - you deserved it (68112)

On 01/02/2010 at 8:41am - misc - by pissfaced (man) - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, I heard my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door, "Are you jacking off in there or something?" and him scream back at her "Shut up you fucking cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML

#2772494
824 comments

I agree, your life sucks (124226) - you deserved it (75730)

On 06/10/2009 at 2:09pm - intimacy - by badmom (woman) - Canada (Quebec)



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