About CobraLazerFace : Apparently you need 1000 comments to be able to use sarcasm here.
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CobraLazerFace's favorite FMLs
by not a dick-man / 08/12/2014 at 1:05pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
by jake / 08/12/2014 at 6:21am / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids
Today, it's been 10 days since my family and I have been visiting France. I've always wanted to try their culinary specialties but my dad says we "can't trust them". We've eaten at McDonald's 9/10 times. FML
by theshire / 08/12/2014 at 2:23am / France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur) / Health
by kirstyrd / 08/12/2014 at 2:07am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, I attended a family gathering. My cousin's new baby was being passed around. By way of politely declining to hold it, I meant to say that I looked forward to getting to know it better once it could talk. What I blurted out instead was, "I can't wait until it resembles a human being." FML
by marcranger / 08/11/2014 at 7:40pm / United States (Colorado) / Kids
Today, I was walking to a job interview. I needed to get rid of some gum but there were no trash cans in sight, so I spat it out on the ground. Next thing I know, some guy grabs me, sticks the gum in my hair, and walks off, muttering curses. I couldn't get it out in time for the interview. FML
by Anonymous / 08/11/2014 at 1:24pm / Czech Republic (Hlavni mesto Praha) / Work
Today, after ignoring my concerns and declaring that "safety equipment's for pussies", my husband went rock climbing for the first time. He only sprained his ankle, but is acting like it's broken. He's now playing video games in bed and pissing in a bucket because walking is "too painful". FML
by Anonymous / 08/11/2014 at 12:27pm / Canada (New Brunswick) / Love
Today, I decided to spend a few days at my grandma's house, to help her clean the place up a bit. So far, she's given me a "no masturbating under my roof" talk, used multiple racist slurs, and yelled "QUIET DOWN!" when I so much as sneezed in the next room. FML
by welptimetoburntheplacedown / 08/11/2014 at 11:02am / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous
by mcmanager / 08/11/2014 at 10:18am / United States (California) / Work
by Ithoughtheywerenormalpeople / 08/11/2014 at 1:11am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by weirded out / 08/10/2014 at 10:22pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, my husband and I attended a funeral. After the service, my phone vibrated. It was a text from my husband, saying "I've got mourning wood like you wouldn't believe! get it? MOURNING. haha :D" I looked up and saw him across the room, winking at me. Not the place, honey. FML
by jackie89 / 08/10/2014 at 3:26pm / United Kingdom (Cornwall) / Intimacy
Today, my mother kicked me out of the house because her new boyfriend needs my room. Evidently he also needs my credit card, passport, and wallet too, because she kept all three, while tossing everything else out on the lawn. FML
by Anonymous / 08/10/2014 at 1:24pm / Germany (Bayern) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was mowing the lawn while wearing gym shorts. Because I had no pockets, I tucked my phone into the waistband of my shorts. I didn't notice my phone had slipped until the lawnmower started making an awful sound. FML
by ThatsNotGrass / 08/09/2014 at 9:30pm / Canada / Miscellaneous
by jakethemuss / 08/09/2014 at 7:03pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Love
- Today, while I was in the midst of the most mind-blowing shower sex ever, the fire alarm went off.… Today, my girlfriend confided in me that she wanted to try bondage. Since I trust her, I said sure.… Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about…