About CobraLazerFace : Apparently you need 1000 comments to be able to use sarcasm here.
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CobraLazerFace's favorite FMLs
Today, I had the cops called on me because I accidentally texted "I'm going to kill you and use your head as hood ornament" to my ex-fiancé, instead of my best friend. I only texted that because he got a better grade on an exam than me. Now I have a court date. FML
by Joe / 02/25/2009 at 2:05pm / United States (Kentucky) / Love
Today, it was really cold and windy and I started my car before work. I locked the front door of my house and shut it behind me to leave. The wind was blowing and all my hair got shut in my locked front door... with my keys in my car's ignition. FML
by wheels / 02/25/2009 at 10:09am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
Today, after class I was chatting with my teacher, a really cool and stylish old black guy. I tell him he reminds me of one of those soul dudes from those 70s movies, right down to the pimp-walk. He tells me he walks that way because he was beaten for drinking out of the wrong fountain as a kid. FML
by catfish / 02/23/2009 at 5:11pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, while working on a carpentry project with my friend at 2am, and enjoying some beers, I cut my hand and realized I needed medical attention. Neither of us being in driving shape, I knocked on my parents bedroom door to request a ride. I was told I had to wait for them to "finish." FML
by Whothrewhim / 02/21/2009 at 7:39pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by Mick / 02/20/2009 at 3:29am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
by AppoKing / 02/19/2009 at 4:14pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
by Offended / 02/19/2009 at 2:09am / United States (New York) / Health
Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy assholes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy. FML
by The Sbeak / 02/13/2009 at 10:54am / United States (Rhode Island) / Intimacy
by apricot / 02/09/2009 at 7:46pm / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Intimacy
by feenix89 / 02/09/2009 at 6:41pm / United States (Ohio) / Love
by oops / 02/09/2009 at 12:12am / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous
Today, I changed the C on my report card into a B so that I wouldn't get in trouble with my parents. I spent the entire day perfecting the B's positioning and cut exactly around the edges of the size 10 font and sliced my finger in the process. Turns out, I'm still grounded for getting a B. FML
by olivia_stealth / 02/08/2009 at 6:50pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
by bittersweet / 02/07/2009 at 10:08pm / United States (New York) / Love
Today, I called the campus police to give me a ride to the cafeteria since I am on crutches from knee surgery. I was only halfway into the car when the man started driving and ran over my foot. Now neither my right knee or my left foot work. FML
by brokenkneechick / 02/07/2009 at 2:26am / United States (Connecticut) / Transportation
Today, I gave my girlfriend some non-alcoholic beer as a joke. In slurred speech, she told me I have the body of a monk seal. She then took my keys, staggered to my car, and drove away. She crashed into a tree two blocks later. She's fine. FML
by IntimidatorStag / 02/06/2009 at 6:54pm / United States (California) / Love
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his…
- Today, things were getting heated with my boyfriend and I told him that I was finally ready to lose… Today, my Breaking Bad obsessed boyfriend actually used the phrase "I am the one who cocks." during… Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He decided that the best time would be while I was giving him…