Claytonioo

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Offline (the 09/10/2014 at 11:33pm)

Claytonioo

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 4456
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Claytonioo's page activity

Visits<b>AABabe</b> - the 05/19/2016 at 10:32pm<b>Elisabethandrine</b> - the 01/08/2016 at 10:06am<b>Thatgirly</b> - the 12/21/2015 at 12:46am<b>demonte_jones</b> - the 07/26/2015 at 12:08am<b>lsheldon2018</b> - the 07/17/2015 at 1:40pm<b>Callilah</b> - the 12/06/2014 at 8:54am<b>Googolman</b> - the 11/27/2014 at 6:28pm<b>Annabomb</b> - the 11/08/2014 at 6:12pm<b>Misshhh</b> - the 11/01/2014 at 4:55am<b>cutycat136</b> - the 10/13/2014 at 6:25pm<b>stronghand0331</b> - the 08/11/2014 at 11:09am<b>LizetteBerenice</b> - the 08/08/2014 at 9:00am<b>nyancait</b> - the 08/06/2014 at 10:49am<b>TrackGirl19</b> - the 08/01/2014 at 1:53pm<b>KodiG</b> - the 08/01/2014 at 3:57am<b>vividpictures</b> - the 07/29/2014 at 1:32pm<b>AwkwardShoe</b> - the 07/29/2014 at 5:02am<b>ThatsStoryOfLife</b> - the 07/29/2014 at 1:58am

Claytonioo's FML badges

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Beginner

You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

See all of Claytonioo's badges

Claytonioo's favorite FMLs

Today, I overheard my boyfriend admitting that he's only dating me because having me around "sucks a bit less than fucking my own hand". FML

by Anonymous / 05/03/2013 at 5:00pm / Germany / Love

Today, I gave a big presentation to my class. It included PowerPoint slides and video clips of the country I'd been researching. Another student did a presentation on the same country, except he just read from its Wikipedia page. He practically got a standing ovation. I got a single clap. FML

by Anonymous / 05/03/2013 at 12:38pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boss fired me for acting "inappropriately" at work. I gave him a hug. He's my dad. FML

by Anonymous / 05/03/2013 at 11:00am / United States / Work

Today, I was hitting on a cute girl on the bus. It was going well, and she gave me her name to add on Facebook. Since I didn't have the app, I opened Safari on my phone. It opened to my video from Pornhub I watched yesterday and started playing, on full volume, through the entire bus. FML

by acnecream / 05/03/2013 at 9:23am / Finland (Eastern Finland) / Transportation

Today, my wife told me that getting in the mood to have sex with me is like trying to get in the mood to hit the treadmill. FML

by Who1s269 / 05/03/2013 at 8:13am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I was feeling down about being stuck in bed after ankle surgery. I thought I would go ahead and call my boss and let him know everything went well. He said the obligatory nice things, then told me that if I'm not at work on Monday, I'll be fired. I can't even get out of bed. FML

by clutzasaurus / 05/03/2013 at 1:35am / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, marks the third week in which my girlfriend has gone without taking a shower. She does this every so often, taking showers roughly once per month. She's convinced baby wipes will "hold her over". FML

by SingleStrongArm / 05/03/2013 at 1:16am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, my wife shaved her pubic hair so that it resembles Hitler's mustache. She won't stop referring to it as "the Clitler". FML

by Anonymous / 05/02/2013 at 8:50pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked in on my sister apparently trying to eat herself out. FML

by future brain bleach addict / 05/02/2013 at 7:54pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, I'm on holiday in Ghana. After having worn an anklet I bought here for the past two weeks, I was told that it's used by the local prostitutes to advertise their trade. FML

by Anonymous / 05/02/2013 at 3:59pm / Ghana (Greater Accra) / Holidays

Today, I met my boyfriend's mom for the first time. I introduced myself and went to shake her hand. She looked me up and down and said, "I don't shake hands with whores." FML

by Jes_jes18 / 05/02/2013 at 2:27pm / United States / Love

Today, my sister texted me, saying she was about to go into surgery. It's been a long time coming, and we've both been worried about what could happen. I texted "good luck" back. My phone autocorrected it to "goodbye" and I didn't even notice. FML

by Anonymous / 05/02/2013 at 12:49pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my crazy neighbor came up to me in the street and slapped me across the face, accusing me of leering through her restroom window while she showered. I'm gay. FML

by inyobeddd / 05/02/2013 at 4:27am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, a friend and I were walking around a festival when out of nowhere a giant bug hit me in the face. I went into instant ninja mode, screaming and flailing. When I stopped, I realized it was just a leaf and everyone was staring at me. FML

by Anonymous / 05/02/2013 at 2:29am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my boss called me into his office. After yelling and firing me, his assistant comes in telling him he had mistaken me for someone else. He did not give me my job back, as he claimed it would make an awkward work environment. FML

by Paul / 05/01/2013 at 9:52pm / United States / Work