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Claytonioo's favorite FMLs
Today, I was laid off from my job as a manager. After cleaning out my office, I began clearing my computer. I received an email from HR announcing a job position that opened up. Too bad it was for my job. FML
by Anonymous / 05/09/2013 at 3:35am / United States (Virginia) / Work
Today, I finally got the courage to make a move on the guy I've been crushing on. I asked him if he would like to go see a movie with me. He answered, "Sorry, I've already seen it." I didn't even mention any particular movie. FML
by Anonymous / 05/09/2013 at 3:01am / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 05/08/2013 at 2:59am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/07/2013 at 4:17pm / United States (Ohio) / Animals
by hopelesscollegechick / 05/07/2013 at 2:14pm / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous
by clumsy / 05/06/2013 at 8:45pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous
by anonymous / 05/06/2013 at 2:08pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, the girl that I've been madly in love with was demanding I tell her who I liked. I told her no, I should just keep it a secret, but she demanded I tell her. After I told her, the only response I got was, "You're right. You should have kept that a secret." FML
by walkingdead_1029 / 05/06/2013 at 2:49am / United States (Arizona) / Love
Today, I woke up to the sound of my newborn screaming. I frantically hopped out of bed and stumbled into the nursery where I was met by the priceless sight of my five-year-old daughter attempting to breastfeed her understandably frustrated little brother. FML
by SkeetinKeaton / 05/06/2013 at 2:29am / United States / Kids
by FML136969 / 05/05/2013 at 7:30pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend and I were at the river. She threw mud on me, so I playfully threw some on her, and we got into a mud fight. Apparently, she took the "fight" seriously, because I'm now single. FML
by Anonymous / 05/05/2013 at 3:35pm / United States (Nebraska) / Love
by beyondembarrassed / 05/05/2013 at 1:44am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I finished a dance competition. With competitions, it requires you to wear a lot of makeup like false eyelashes and red lipstick. I went into a Starbucks to get a coffee and a boy around 18 asked me, in all seriousness, what my rate is for one night. FML
by dancer, not a hooker... / 05/05/2013 at 1:01am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, as a condominium security guard, I had to enter an old lady's apartment to supervise the mandatory maintenance taking place inside. I commented on the lakeside view from her window and mentioned, "This is a pretty nice view up here isn't it?" It turns out that she's blind. FML
by rent-a-cop / 05/05/2013 at 12:28am / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, my dumbass colleague was too lazy to go buy balloons for a party in recognition of our company's huge merger. Instead, he made condom balloons. Let's just say you don't make blow up condoms for a prestigious company event. A company whose CEO is named Dick. FML
by ADickySituation / 05/05/2013 at 12:14am / United States (Illinois) / Work
- Today, my loneliness hit an all time low when I actually considered "accidentally" texting a random… Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot and heavy in the bedroom, I had already undressed her… Today, I'm sick. This wouldn't be such a problem if I wasn't leaving for college in three days, and…