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Classy_Turtle

Offline (the 09/01/2014 at 10:52pm) | Search for a member

Classy_Turtle

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2056
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

About Classy_Turtle : Just some person. Currently pondering the universe in a box canyon in the middle of nowhere.

Classy_Turtle's page activity

Visits<b>lovefrog</b> - the 08/11/2014 at 4:55pm<b>awesomepantTamia</b> - the 06/30/2014 at 9:58pm<b>KRAZYKILLAKLOWN</b> - the 06/18/2014 at 6:33pm<b>J1728</b> - the 05/12/2014 at 12:32pm<b>ibeliebvatic</b> - the 02/21/2014 at 1:21pm<b>MomentoMori</b> - the 02/17/2014 at 10:32pm<b>Flaptrap</b> - the 01/26/2014 at 3:11am<b>scrapper5</b> - the 12/23/2013 at 7:03pm<b>Wizardo</b> - the 12/11/2013 at 6:12am<b>dinosxxrawr</b> - the 11/22/2013 at 2:44am<b>Batgirl124</b> - the 08/28/2013 at 11:51pm

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Classy_Turtle's favorite FMLs

Today, I repaired a boiler for a wealthy guy in a big house. While there, I fixed a leaking tap for free. When I went to go, the man slipped something into my shirt pocket and said "have a drink on me." When I got to my truck, I discovered that he'd given me a tea bag. FML

#598491
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (78678) - you deserved it (6058)

On 03/25/2009 at 12:33pm - misc - by toast - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)

Today, I was pulled over by my father who is a police officer. He was training a rookie and gave me a breathalyzer test to show his trainee how to do it. I blew a .15 and was taken to jail. FML

#483516
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36857) - you deserved it (146557)

On 03/20/2009 at 1:48am - misc - by Jesse (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I was filling out paperwork with my new doctor. During the questionnaire, she asked if I was sexually active. I said yes. She then asked, "What do you do?" I told her I normally did vaginal, but sometimes anal. She blushed and started to laugh. She was asking where I worked. FML

Today, my mom decided to give me a solid reason for not having pre-marital sex. She told me that my future husband will want me to be tight for our first time. My mom and I were on a ski lift. The ride lasted 10 more uncomfortable minutes. FML

#250132
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (78967) - you deserved it (5029)

On 03/09/2009 at 6:09am - intimacy - by Yulia (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend. Being the stud that I am, after a short time I turned to her and said "You think you're ready for a round two?" She replied "No, but I do think I'm ready for the rest of round one." FML

#204444
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25373) - you deserved it (110744)

On 03/04/2009 at 2:03am - intimacy - by saddude (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, after working for my company for 10 years, my co-workers threw me a farewell party. The boss gave quite an eloquent speech, ending in "we're really gonna miss you Mark." My name is Evan. FML

#163929
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66906) - you deserved it (3121)

On 02/28/2009 at 7:50pm - work - by Grrrrr (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I babysat a five year old girl. She ran up to me, threw her arms around my waist and said, "YUMMY! I'm going to eat you!" with her face in my crotch. I said sarcastically under my breath, "Finally, some action!" I turned around to find her dad staring at me, having heard. He's my cousin. FML

#159589
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19408) - you deserved it (89635)

On 02/28/2009 at 5:59am - kids - by tryena (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I took the subway. The man sitting across from me would not stop staring at my breasts, so when the train came to my stop, I said, "Nothing to see now, asshole." Then I noticed his white walking stick as he got up to get off. He was blind. FML

#144886
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12489) - you deserved it (76830)

On 02/26/2009 at 5:21pm - misc - by belladonna (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my lesbian sister enthusiastically showed me her new strap on. Not only does she get more girls than me, she now has a bigger penis too. FML

#60108
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71199) - you deserved it (5630)

On 02/17/2009 at 10:27am - misc - by stillsingleladies (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML

#56665
521 comments

I agree, your life sucks (258326) - you deserved it (88113)

On 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm - kids - by offbeans (man) - United States (California)

Today, my mother and I got into a huge fight about me being a lesbian. It ended with me saying "Fuck you!" to which she responded: "I bet you'd probably like to." FML

#21834
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (86392) - you deserved it (26449)

On 02/10/2009 at 7:08pm - misc - by peacock_mina19 - United States (Michigan)

Today, after a late night at a bar, I stepped into my building's elevator with a Chinese man who was carrying a plastic bag. Without thinking, I said, "Oooh, are you still delivering?" His response was, "I live here." FML

#6479
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8261) - you deserved it (52867)

On 02/03/2009 at 2:57pm - misc - by Noname - United States (New York)

Today, the pharmacy lady wished me a happy birthday. I was buying the morning after pill. FML

#2565
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32362) - you deserved it (7893)

On 01/25/2009 at 7:14pm - intimacy - by God hates me - United States (Texas)

Today, I decided to jack it a few times because I haven't been laid in a while. After round 3 my ex called me up and said she wanted to 'talk.' When she came over she made it abundantly clear that she wanted to make whoopie. Couldn't get it up. FML

#1585
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21637) - you deserved it (40561)

On 01/18/2009 at 11:30am - intimacy - by f__k_it - United States (Oregon)



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