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Classy_Turtle

Offline (the 09/01/2014 at 10:52pm) | Search for a member

Classy_Turtle

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1129
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

About Classy_Turtle : Just some person. Currently pondering the universe in a box canyon in the middle of nowhere.

Classy_Turtle's page activity

Visits<b>lovefrog</b> - the 08/11/2014 at 4:55pm<b>Tobiaspe</b> - the 07/04/2014 at 5:34pm<b>awesomepantTamia</b> - the 06/30/2014 at 9:58pm<b>KRAZYKILLAKLOWN</b> - the 06/18/2014 at 6:33pm<b>J1728</b> - the 05/12/2014 at 12:32pm<b>ibeliebvatic</b> - the 02/21/2014 at 1:21pm<b>MomentoMori</b> - the 02/17/2014 at 10:32pm<b>Flaptrap</b> - the 01/26/2014 at 3:11am<b>scrapper5</b> - the 12/23/2013 at 7:03pm<b>Wizardo</b> - the 12/11/2013 at 6:12am<b>dinosxxrawr</b> - the 11/22/2013 at 2:44am<b>Batgirl124</b> - the 08/28/2013 at 11:51pm

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Classy_Turtle's favorite FMLs

Today, I got a phone call out of the blue from a young man, who screamed that he was going to kill me for sleeping with his fiancée. I told him I am a 49-year-old man who hasn't been laid since my wife passed away, four years ago. He stammered, shouted "Well she was a slut too" and hung up. FML

#20027025
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33383) - you deserved it (1530)

On 08/17/2012 at 8:20pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, at work, I was forced to nod and smile as a pregnant, fifteen-year-old, brain-dead Jersey Shore wannabe cussed me out for being rude by using words from a "foreign language" during our conversation. I used the word "pretentious." FML

#20015372
314 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34330) - you deserved it (2123)

On 08/11/2012 at 3:37pm - work - by mikeissad (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was at a Chinese buffet, and I got a fortune cookie. I opened it, and it said, "The love of your life is sitting across from you". The only thing across from me was an empty chair. FML

#20007961
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33427) - you deserved it (3148)

On 08/07/2012 at 4:13pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my dog was licking the dishes in the dishwasher when his collar got stuck on it. Then he got scared of the dishwasher rack following him and ran away really fast. Now I have no dishes. FML

Today, my parents felt the need to lecture me about how people who "smoke the reefer" are a "waste of life" and will never amount to anything. I was baked during the entire conversation, and actually ended up breaking down in tears, because I realized they were totally right. FML

#19840334
497 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9312) - you deserved it (46277)

On 06/24/2012 at 5:45pm - kids - by :( (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I woke up to the sight of my boyfriend playing a game on my iPhone with his penis. FML

#19781755
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30786) - you deserved it (4639)

On 06/13/2012 at 12:07pm - intimacy - by Rosie (woman) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, I got threatened with a gun through the drive thru speaker because I didn't offer some guy any pies to go with his meal. FML

#19291503
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24936) - you deserved it (2890)

On 03/17/2012 at 12:37am - work - by CDeVeney92 - United States (Texas)

Today, I had a technical skill test as a nurse. My objective was to help the patient defecate, but my opening sentence came out as: "Hello, I'm Jan. I'm here to help you take a shit." FML

#19030539
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20750) - you deserved it (9321)

On 02/08/2012 at 10:24pm - work - by Silver_Samurai (man) - Netherlands

Today, while my boyfriend and I were in the shower, we began to get a bit frisky. That was until I lifted my arms and he immediately made one of his "Chewbacca Calls." He was referring to my armpits that I had forgotten to shave. FML

#18867304
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15040) - you deserved it (26248)

On 01/21/2012 at 12:47am - love - by Reliena (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend asked me for a blow job. After I said "no" over ten times, he decided to get up and slap me across the face with his penis. FML

#18744677
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51282) - you deserved it (47302)

On 01/08/2012 at 9:36am - intimacy - by omgwhyme (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my dad came to pick me up early for the Christmas break. He walked in on me cleaning all 19 of my sex toys. That's more than one sex toy per year that I've lived. I now have to face a 7-hour drive from Montreal to Toronto with him. FML

#18540985
305 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15418) - you deserved it (39453)

On 12/18/2011 at 12:18am - intimacy - by Une Fille (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was giving a PowerPoint presentation in class. When I put my flash drive into the computer, my folder opened up and a nude picture of myself popped right up on a 110 inch projector screen for all 35 students to see. This is a 16 week course. FML

#18044835
234 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15260) - you deserved it (58899)

On 10/22/2011 at 9:25am - misc - by jaymash - United States (Michigan)

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a good idea to help me get over the fear of my upcoming rectal exam by surprising me with one of her own halfway through our lovemaking. FML

#17577684
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29473) - you deserved it (4559)

On 08/25/2011 at 2:10pm - intimacy - by shocked (man) - United States

Today, our cleaning lady's son came to our house claiming that his mother had died of a heart attack. We gave him her entire month's salary as well as some extra money. A few hours later, our cleaning lady turned up for work. Turns out she doesn't have a son. FML

#17476916
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32974) - you deserved it (20119)

On 08/15/2011 at 1:45am - money - by duped (woman) - Pakistan (Punjab)

Today, I found out that as a supervisor, if you reprimand a female worker and end the conversation with "Now get back to making sandwiches." your boss will consider it sexism and suspend you. I work at Subway. FML

#16589228
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50460) - you deserved it (7829)

On 06/10/2011 at 1:01am - work - by MakeMeASandwich (man) - United States (Illinois)



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