About Classy_Turtle : Just some person. Currently pondering the universe in a box canyon in the middle of nowhere.
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Classy_Turtle's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 06/02/2013 at 12:36am / United States / Health
Today, I have to defend my client in court. The defense that my client wants me to use is, "It's not a robbery if you have swag" and then goes on saying, "The judge is bound to let me go after he sees my swag." FML
by Anonymous / 05/22/2013 at 9:57pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work
by Beth / 04/28/2013 at 9:16am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Just as I was about to orgasm, he pulled away and said that my vagina is like a mask and that he feels like Bane from Batman. He's been talking in a Bane voice to my vagina for 30 minutes now. I guess sex is over. FML
by Anonymous / 04/12/2013 at 11:34am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML
by anonymous / 03/27/2013 at 7:55pm / United States (Hawaii) / Intimacy
by nerdgirlmickey / 03/03/2013 at 11:05am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
Today, I was super hungry and went to a Thai restaurant. The waitress left two small bowls of fried rice on the counter, and I thought they were for me. I ate one and a lady came over screaming. Apparently the small cups of rice was part of a religious ceremony. FML
by Thai rice mistake / 02/12/2013 at 3:04am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by spellbound / 12/19/2012 at 9:59am / Australia (Western Australia) / Kids
by boo8713 / 11/28/2012 at 1:06am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by thebeachisthatway / 10/22/2012 at 2:56pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
by iNearlyHurled / 09/28/2012 at 4:24am / United States / Intimacy
by SadDad / 09/22/2012 at 2:11pm / United States (Virginia) / Kids
by Anonymous / 09/22/2012 at 2:24am / United States / Health
Today, I was out shopping, when I noticed a teenage girl with a double stroller picking up a pack of condoms. I couldn't help but mutter that it was a little late for those. A guy who must have been her boyfriend then stormed over and beat the shit out of me. FML
by killmenow / 09/10/2012 at 1:52pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
by stupidbullcrêpe / 08/20/2012 at 6:06pm / Brazil (Sao Paulo) / Health
- Today, I woke up to my mom pounding at our front door at 7 in the morning. I thought this was weird… Today, some wonderful human being stole my Amazon package from my porch. Unless they're trying to… Today, I got a call from my manager asking me if I realized I had a shift that started half an hour…