About Classy_Turtle : Just some person. Currently pondering the universe in a box canyon in the middle of nowhere.
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Classy_Turtle's favorite FMLs
Today, as I was taking out the trash, I spotted my cute neighbor doing the same. In a rush to get out before he went back inside, I slipped on my iced-over porch. I passed out and woke up with a note on my chest saying, "I unlocked your door but you were too heavy to drag inside". FML
by rholt / 01/14/2014 at 1:48am / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous
Today, my husband and I decided to have a quickie before the kids woke up from their nap. The sex was amazing and I couldn't hold in my screams or not hit the wall. About 15 minutes in, both of our children came busting in with their nerf guns, screaming, "Where's the monster?" FML
by anon / 01/12/2014 at 8:53pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy
Today, I went to the doctor, only to find out I can no longer eat chocolate, my favorite food. When I got home, my boyfriend took the chocolate cake I'd been eating from the fridge, sat down in front of me, and ate the whole thing without breaking eye contact. FML
by foreveralone / 01/12/2014 at 8:00pm / United States (Illinois) / Health
by tired individual / 01/12/2014 at 6:04am / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/12/2014 at 1:38am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous
Today, and every other night since my new neighbors moved in two weeks ago, their cat has been standing outside my house meowing constantly up at my window, where my cat keeps standing and meowing back. It's like a feline version of Romeo and Juliet, and I can't sleep. FML
by Anonymous / 01/11/2014 at 1:52pm / Dominican Republic (Distrito Nacional) / Animals
by rainastartree / 12/23/2013 at 4:10pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Money
by confsused / 12/16/2013 at 12:49pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by fack / 11/26/2013 at 1:35pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got my girlfriend to play Smash Bros Brawl with me. As it was her first time, I set up handicaps to give her at least a shot at winning. She won, quite handily. A little irritated at this, I took off the handicaps and tried again. She beat me even faster. FML
by Loser / 08/21/2013 at 11:17am / United States / Geek
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Instead of moaning like any normal person, he just kept saying stuff like "uh-huh," "not too bad," and "yup" in a complete monotone. It was probably the most uncomfortable experience of my life. FML
by awkward / 07/26/2013 at 2:00pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by amiezingme / 07/26/2013 at 9:09am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
by StockedWithJuice / 07/06/2013 at 11:14am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by hinting / 06/17/2013 at 12:43pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
Today, I ordered some burgers at a fast food joint. When I said, "No lettuce," the cashier looked dumbfounded and asked, "What's that?" I literally had to say, "The green stuff" before she got it. I'm losing hope. FML
by thatisfuckedup / 06/13/2013 at 6:12pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
- Today, I’m a French teacher in Ukraine, and in class we were debating gun legislation. In order to… Today, I sprayed pepper spray on a guy who appeared to be following me. He was really cute, and was… Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish…