About Classy_Turtle : Just some person. Currently pondering the universe in a box canyon in the middle of nowhere.
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Classy_Turtle's favorite FMLs
Today, after getting back from my interior design class, I told my husband that I learned the golden rule for home decor: "Have nothing in your houses that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautiful." He looked at me dead in the eyes, and didn't say a word. FML
by housedoctor / 02/22/2014 at 6:01am / United Kingdom (Sheffield) / Love
by awkward / 02/22/2014 at 12:39am / United States / Intimacy
Today, the rash on my thigh started itching again. I felt good after a vigorous scratch, but the relief did not extend to my roommate, who only saw me at my laptop with my hand moving up and down in my pants. FML
by Sexy Rash / 02/21/2014 at 6:26pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy
Today, at my therapy appointment, I was spilling my guts to my therapist. When I'd finished, to get rid of the awkward silence, I asked, "I'm not crazy, right?" His response was, "That's bit of a loaded question." FML
by Anonymous / 02/20/2014 at 9:46pm / United States (Illinois) / Health
by Anonymous / 02/18/2014 at 2:49pm / Virgin Islands, U.S. / Intimacy
Today, I was out with my girlfriend at a club. As a slow dance began, a guy approached and asked, "May I cut in?" My girlfriend surprised me by saying, "Sure!" As I was about to protest, the guy cut me off and said, "Sorry miss, I was asking him." FML
by Anonymous / 02/13/2014 at 8:31pm / United States / Love
Today, I presented my child with the classic "Who came first, the chicken or the egg?" conundrum. In return, I got a detailed lecture on how birds evolved from dinosaurs, how life was created in the sea and an explanation about evolution. I got schooled by a 9 year old. FML
by Evolution mama / 02/05/2014 at 2:52pm / Iceland (Gullbringusysla) / Kids
by australian6196 / 02/04/2014 at 9:36pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Animals
Today, at the grocery store, an elderly woman asked for help with some tea. I lent her a hand, spending a good twenty minutes reading different labels out loud until she found one she liked. After she was done, she handed me a pamphlet and said, "You're a nice girl. I hope you don't go to hell." FML
by Lithiac / 02/04/2014 at 1:16am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, while at a funeral for a distant family member, I was giving my condolences to the family. When one of them asked how I was doing, I replied with, "I'm still alive!", which is one of my standard responses due to being a cashier and being asked that question a hundred times a day. FML
by Merith2004 / 02/04/2014 at 12:18am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I dreamed that Robert Downey Jr. kept flirting with me and asking me out. Each time, I refused him, because I'm taken. When I proudly told my boyfriend, he said, "What the hell? I could've kissed the mouth that kissed the Iron Man!" FML
by Can't Believe It. / 02/03/2014 at 3:11pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
by LarissaT18 / 02/02/2014 at 11:13am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by freed / 01/29/2014 at 12:13am / United States (Ohio) / Love
by Anonymous / 01/27/2014 at 6:32pm / Puerto Rico / Love
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. After a while, he started staring at my lady parts, and said my "vag looks like a mockingjay". He then stretched the lips apart like wings and made little "CA-CAW CA-CAW!" sounds. FML
by Goodyear / 01/19/2014 at 10:59pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his…