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Classy_Turtle

Offline (the 09/01/2014 at 10:52pm) | Search for a member

Classy_Turtle

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1364
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

About Classy_Turtle : Just some person. Currently pondering the universe in a box canyon in the middle of nowhere.

Classy_Turtle's page activity

Visits<b>lovefrog</b> - the 08/11/2014 at 4:55pm<b>Tobiaspe</b> - the 07/04/2014 at 5:34pm<b>awesomepantTamia</b> - the 06/30/2014 at 9:58pm<b>KRAZYKILLAKLOWN</b> - the 06/18/2014 at 6:33pm<b>J1728</b> - the 05/12/2014 at 12:32pm<b>ibeliebvatic</b> - the 02/21/2014 at 1:21pm<b>MomentoMori</b> - the 02/17/2014 at 10:32pm<b>Flaptrap</b> - the 01/26/2014 at 3:11am<b>scrapper5</b> - the 12/23/2013 at 7:03pm<b>Wizardo</b> - the 12/11/2013 at 6:12am<b>dinosxxrawr</b> - the 11/22/2013 at 2:44am<b>Batgirl124</b> - the 08/28/2013 at 11:51pm

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Classy_Turtle's favorite FMLs

Today, the only thing I got for my birthday was my boyfriend's offer to give me "the gift of anal". FML

#21127339
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41135) - you deserved it (5187)

On 04/30/2014 at 5:51pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend, and I cheekily told him about something I'd read that's supposed to feel really good during sex. I then heard his sister sarcastically say, "Yeah, that does feel pretty good". Apparently he'd had me on speaker the whole time. FML

#21126318
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46060) - you deserved it (8378)

On 04/29/2014 at 2:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I asked my son to go to the grocery store across the street and pick up some lettuce. He sighed and said, "Why don't you just order it on Amazon?" FML

#21124599
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42264) - you deserved it (6672)

On 04/27/2014 at 7:01pm - kids - by nh-Amazon - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend's parents' parrot won't stop imitating my sex moans, and keeps doing it whenever I speak. FML

#21119041
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52384) - you deserved it (14649)

On 04/21/2014 at 2:42pm - intimacy - by sexual parrot -

Today, I accidentally walked in on my mom cheating on my step-dad with my real dad. FML

Today, 30 minutes after finishing a great date with a great girl, she texted me and said, "Yeah, uh, never come near me again." FML

#21112056
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43827) - you deserved it (5727)

On 04/13/2014 at 4:33pm - love - by lax22 - United States (California)

Today, my coworker tried to convince my boss that I'm not human. Her examples of how I'm influenced by demons included how I don't wear a jacket in the winter, and that I once got a nosebleed from sneezing. My boss thinks she's hilarious and is playing along. FML

#21111822
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39747) - you deserved it (3885)

On 04/13/2014 at 10:51am - work - by worker666 (woman) - United States

Today, I was on a date with my boyfriend. As we walked back home from the cinema, he was checking his phone, when suddenly someone grabbed it and ran off. I had to be the one to go run after the thug because my 23-year-old boyfriend froze on the spot, crying. FML

Today, my non-English-speaking grandma bought me a new t-shirt. It would've been sweet if it didn't have the word "bondage" written on the back in pretty, bold letters. I had no choice but to wear it while we went shopping. FML

#21094283
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34695) - you deserved it (3340)

On 03/23/2014 at 12:59pm - misc - by Anonymous - Egypt

Today, I was walking and saw a quarter. I bent down to pick it up. Barely a foot ahead there was another, so I crawled over to get it. This continued for about six feet when I realize a kid was laying them out in a trail. I had collected 7 fake quarters and the kid had it on video. FML

#21087786
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40731) - you deserved it (19545)

On 03/15/2014 at 11:46pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was in my Honors English class. I sneezed very loudly while my teacher was giving a lecture. I had the genius idea to say, "Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit." FML

Today, while having a sneak through my brother's browser, I found a bookmark for a Google Docs file. It was a short story involving him horrifically killing our entire family. It ended with the words: "And that is what happens when people don't respect the author's privacy." FML

#21073315
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25371) - you deserved it (55764)

On 02/27/2014 at 4:46pm - misc - by well SHIT (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Devastated, I told my dad about it, hoping he'd help cheer me up. His advice was, "Just rub one out son, you'll feel better in no time." Thanks dad. FML

#21070515
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44113) - you deserved it (6234)

On 02/24/2014 at 5:22pm - intimacy - by Author (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend wanted to take our relationship to the next level. I assumed since we live together that he meant marriage. I was wrong; the next level is me jacking him off with my feet. FML

#21069326
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50874) - you deserved it (6704)

On 02/23/2014 at 12:29pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I bought a new bra and panties and modeled them for my boyfriend. I thought he liked them, until mid-way through feeling me up, he decided he'd rather give me a massive wedgie. FML

#21068474
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48414) - you deserved it (7511)

On 02/22/2014 at 1:13pm - intimacy - by coppervains (woman) - United States (Louisiana)



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