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Cindonia's favorite FMLs
Today, my boyfriend started coming onto me, despite me being on my period. He said it was okay, and we went to his bedroom. He told me to spread my legs as he spread his hands. Thinking it'd be sexy, I did. He then yelled, "I AM MOSES! I PART THE RED SEA!" and broke down in laughter. FML
by RedWaters / 03/06/2013 at 3:20pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, while working my shift at Taco Bell, a creepy guy started flirting with me. He said, "You remind me of something," acting as if I knew him from elsewhere. I quickly said I used to work at Chili's. He shook his head and said, "No, not a person! An animal. A sloth maybe." FML
by SlothyMolly / 03/06/2013 at 12:19pm / United States / Work
Today, I went to the store to pick up some feminine products. As I was paying, the male cashier looked at me sympathetically and asked if it was my girlfriend's time of the month. I'm a girl and was buying them for myself. FML
by ghgfd / 03/06/2013 at 9:53am / Canada (Ontario) / Health
Today, my psychopathic ex-girlfriend spray-painted "Free Candy" on the side of my van, knowing damn well I have to park it in front of an elementary school on a daily basis to pick up my daughter. FML
by cjw / 03/05/2013 at 7:07pm / United States / Kids
Today, I had to help my little sister do a first-grade project for school. For one part, they have to draw a picture of their role model. She drew a whale, and I asked, "A whale is your role model?" She laughed and said, "No! It's you!" FML
by peace out / 03/05/2013 at 3:19pm / United States (South Carolina) / Kids
Today, I found out that my boyfriend and one of his friends have been having sex with each other. His excuse? "She's my best friend, we do this all the time." I have been dating him for over a year. FML
by Alexandra / 03/05/2013 at 3:17pm / United States (Maryland) / Love
by sotired / 03/05/2013 at 2:58pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Animals
by Anonymous / 03/05/2013 at 1:57pm / United States / Health
Today, wanting to impress my date, I bullshitted her about how I was an environmental scientist. She got so impressed that she invited me over to her place. Not her home, her office. So that I could give her pointers on her current project. She's a real environmental scientist. FML
by is there a environmental scientist in the house? / 03/05/2013 at 3:48am / United States (California) / Geek
Today, I found out that my wife makes mashed potatoes by using her dirty feet to crush the potatoes because apparently this is a "healthy, natural" way to make them, and it also cleans her feet. I've been eating her mashed potatoes at least once every week. FML
by Anonymous / 03/05/2013 at 12:25am / Miscellaneous
by Thankshun / 03/04/2013 at 6:03pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, while on a crowded public bus, a cute girl asked if she could sit next to me. Problem is, I didn't hear correctly and thought she asked if anyone was sitting next to me. I answered no, causing her to walk off angrily and earning me several disgusted stares from other passengers. FML
by Anonymous / 03/04/2013 at 9:23am / Taiwan (T'ai-pei) / Transportation
by DEATHBYEX1LE / 03/04/2013 at 12:01am / Australia / Love
by parental failure / 03/03/2013 at 12:03pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
by nerdgirlmickey / 03/03/2013 at 11:05am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…