Chickenfloss

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Offline (the 12/17/2014 at 5:42am)

Chickenfloss

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 485
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Chickenfloss's FML badges

50 favourites

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Judgmental

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I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

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Chickenfloss's favorite FMLs

Today, my husband and I attended a funeral. After the service, my phone vibrated. It was a text from my husband, saying "I've got mourning wood like you wouldn't believe! get it? MOURNING. haha :D" I looked up and saw him across the room, winking at me. Not the place, honey. FML

by jackie89 / 08/10/2014 at 3:26pm / United Kingdom (Cornwall) / Intimacy

Today, I managed to get a €5 note tangled in the zip on my purse. I couldn't open it without ripping it to shreds. FML

by MoMoneyMoProblems / 08/07/2014 at 4:23am / Ireland (Dublin) / Money

Today, my girlfriend's dad returned home from deployment. Being the grade A fucktard that I am, I got flustered and asked, "So um, did you make it back?" He looked me dead in the eyes and said completely deadpan, "No, obviously I died. Moron." FML

by whoops / 08/01/2014 at 4:45pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, while out shopping, I could hear what sounded like two grown men talking about me, and they were being pretty gross. I turned around to scold them and it turned out being a dad and his 13-year-old son. He said he was, "teaching a son to be a man, and that my ass was grounds for discussion." FML

by tlm84 / 07/27/2014 at 10:54pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I listened to my best friend describe having sex with her boyfriend in explicit detail. This would have been fine, but her boyfriend is my little brother. FML

by why / 07/27/2014 at 9:55pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I went to a comedy show with my mom, and they asked the audience members to yell out their problems as ideas for an improv skit. My mom yelled, "My daughter can't get a boyfriend!" FML

by Yeppets / 07/27/2014 at 2:44pm / United States / Love

Today, I was cooking bacon while my dog watched me, drooling. I thought this was funny and I teased her a bit. I then slipped in the drool as I was carrying the bacon and she got to enjoy it. FML

by fuckendog / 07/25/2014 at 2:05am / Australia (Queensland) / Animals

Today, I was finally given a parking spot at work. It turns out to be between an expensive sports car that never parks straight and a giant truck too big for its space. FML

by Anonymous / 07/20/2014 at 7:57pm / United States (Louisiana) / Work

Today, the guy I've been seeing for a year and a half ended it. Why? He found another girl. "She's just like you." FML

by anonymous / 07/19/2014 at 12:43am / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I was at my grandma's funeral. While giving the eulogy, I accidentally mixed up "You will be missed" and "You won't be forgotten" and instead said "You won't be missed." FML

by familyhatesme / 07/18/2014 at 12:30pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to drop off my library book. I thought I'd dropped in into the library book drop, but I'd accidentally put it in the post office mail box. To get the book back, I had to explain this incident five times to three librarians, a mailman, and my sister who called me ridiculous. FML

by lolateverything / 07/17/2014 at 12:25am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I babysat a 9-year-old kid for the first time. The moment his parents left the house, the little shit looked me dead in the eyes and let me know that if I didn't let him do whatever he wanted, he'd tell his parents that I touched him in his "no-no place". Suddenly I hate kids. FML

by fuck you, kid / 07/16/2014 at 2:56pm / Australia (Queensland) / Kids

Today, I decided to try something new with my boyfriend, and sexted him. My text ended up sounding so stupid that I panicked and quickly sent another saying "SORRY WRONG PERSON". FML

by guriak / 07/13/2014 at 9:16pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, after five years of dating, my boyfriend finally proposed to me. The words "just think of the tax breaks" were uttered. FML

by justthinkofyourhand / 07/13/2014 at 6:36pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, my brother decided to help me artificially age some of my artwork by singeing the edges slightly. Apparently "my brother set fire to my homework" isn't a valid excuse. FML

by Anonymous / 07/12/2014 at 12:09pm / United Kingdom (West Sussex) / Kids