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Charleybelle's favorite FMLs
Today, I woke up following one of the worst nightmares of my life. I was sweating, clutching the sheets, and feeling sick to the stomach. I'd been dreaming of my wedding that's taking place next week. FML
by Anonymous / 01/19/2013 at 6:35pm / United Kingdom (Somerset) / Love
Today, while sledding with my daughter, I tried getting her to go down a steeper slope than she's used to. She was worried she'd crash, so I went first to show her how it's done. I lost control halfway down the hill, bailed, and rolled into a tree. My wife has it on video. FML
by Fluffydemise / 01/19/2013 at 1:39pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by tingles / 01/19/2013 at 8:20am / United Kingdom (Solihull) / Intimacy
Today, while on the bus, the guy sitting beside me let out the vilest and most nauseating fart I've ever encountered, the kind that could retroactively sterilize five generations of one's ancestors with the smell alone. As I gagged, he smirked and said, "That's Taco Bell for ya." FML
by methane overload / 01/18/2013 at 8:32pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to a family dinner. My grandma wasted no time calling me a slut for not wearing a dress, my dad called my police officer boyfriend a "fucking pig", and then he told my mother to "put a cock in it" when she defended me. No wonder I hardly ever visit these people. FML
by mel / 01/18/2013 at 6:18pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous
by walkingdictionary / 01/17/2013 at 9:31pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
by EmberLove / 01/17/2013 at 9:06am / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 01/16/2013 at 4:08pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by itsrathersmall / 01/15/2013 at 4:58pm / United States (North Dakota) / Intimacy
Today, I opened the door to go out for groceries. Lying on my doorstep was a pile of poop. A piece of paper was taped to the ground beside it that read, "Do it again and you'll get more than dog shit." I don't have the slightest clue who I pissed off, or how. FML
by fucking mafia or what?? / 01/12/2013 at 5:02pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/12/2013 at 12:57pm / Norway (Rogaland) / Love
Today, during an hour-long drive, my sister told me she's lost her "faith in humanity", because one of her friends bought his 8-year-old son an iPad. She uses this stupid expression all the time, and I got so pissed off that I forgot to brake at a red light, rear-ending the car in front of us. FML
by lostmyfaithinblowjobs / 01/11/2013 at 9:16pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Transportation
Today, I was yet again asked to show my hall pass. I'm 23 and work at a middle school. I've worked here for the last five months, so not only do I look 13 years old, I'm also not memorable enough for my own coworkers to recognize me. FML
by Can'tAgeOrMakeFriends / 01/11/2013 at 8:11pm / United States / Work
Today, my husband and I found the perfect house, in our price range and everything we wanted in a house. However, the street it's on is called "Arbour Butte Road". My husband refuses to buy it because he doesn't want it to sound like he lives "in a tree's ass." I'm married to an idiot. FML
by it's just a name / 01/10/2013 at 12:53am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
by wtf dad / 01/09/2013 at 10:15pm / United States (Missouri) / Love
- Today, on my way home to Bordeaux after a weekend in Paris, I had the pleasure of being sat next to… Today, I’m a bus driver in Paris. A guy got on with a sheep. I told him that you can’t take the bus… Today, I live in Romania and my walls are particularly thin. After enduring my neighbor’s parties,…