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ChaosBlitz

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ChaosBlitz
  • Town/Country : Toronto, Canada
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 1 May 1995 (18 years)
  • Number of visits : 1040
  • Number of comments : 5
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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ChaosBlitz's favorite FMLs

Today, my Mom and I found out that we're allergic to the wood my Dad has been making fires with. She can't see, I can't breathe. FML

#18600051
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21680) - you deserved it (1718)

On 12/24/2011 at 5:05pm - health - by AllergyRidden - United States (California)

Today, my mother was watching me play Pokémon. She walked over to the TV and pulled the plug before ranting about how shameful it is that her 17 year old daughter plays Pokémon. She then sat down at the computer and started playing Farmville. FML

#18594471
273 comments

Today, my dad came to pick me up early for the Christmas break. He walked in on me cleaning all 19 of my sex toys. That's more than one sex toy per year that I've lived. I now have to face a 7-hour drive from Montreal to Toronto with him. FML

#18540985
303 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13690) - you deserved it (36469)

On 12/18/2011 at 12:18am - intimacy - by Une Fille (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I'll be sleeping in my car for umpteenth time this year, because my psychotic wife is again convinced that I'm sleeping with practically every woman in my state. I'm too broke to pay for a divorce, and too embarrassed to go to a friend's house. FML

#18531545
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27778) - you deserved it (4820)

On 12/16/2011 at 10:29pm - love - by agony (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I went out in a storm to collect my wheelie bin, which had flown down the street. On the way back to my house, I realised my door had slammed shut and locked behind me. That's okay though, a trampoline decided to smash my window and let me in. FML

Today, I found that when a hot girl asks you whether you have a girlfriend, saying, "I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one" is not the best way to proceed. FML

#18442495
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7861) - you deserved it (50661)

On 12/06/2011 at 1:45am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London)

Today, while I was in the shower, my very drunken mother came home. She then barged into the shower with me, still completely clothed, and gave me the longest, most awkward hug of a lifetime. After she left me still in shock, she came back and did it again. FML

#18342108
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24715) - you deserved it (2129)

On 11/24/2011 at 10:12pm - misc - by hannahlorraine - United States

Today, I had a dream that I was trying to pop a balloon. Nothing I did was working, so I put it between my knees and tried to pop it that way. Immediately, I woke up to the sound of frantic hissing and meowing. As it turns out, I was trying to pop the cat. FML

#18312960
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32922) - you deserved it (5850)

On 11/21/2011 at 11:46pm - animals - by furryballoon (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, we had a sprint race in gym class which I wasn't looking forward to because I'm a little chubby. The race started and I shot off as fast as I could, somehow in the lead. Everyone was cheering. When I was nearing the finish line I turned around, only to see the race hadn't started yet. FML

#18285625
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33006) - you deserved it (7803)

On 11/18/2011 at 11:54pm - misc - by dan - Reserved

Today, my recently ex-girlfriend's mother called me regarding her baby girl, saying, "If you mess with the chicklet, you mess with the momma hen." I have no idea what the hell this means for my future, but I'm a bit scared. FML

#18181651
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25893) - you deserved it (4505)

On 11/07/2011 at 2:20am - love - by roadkill0321 - United States

Today, I was rear-ended by a girl barely out of her teens. I got out of my car and went to get their insurance details, only for her mother to get out and up in my face, screaming at me to, "Get back in your fucking car and get the fuck out of here!" I panicked and did just that. FML

#18091969
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11718) - you deserved it (30225)

On 10/27/2011 at 9:22pm - misc - by Benjamin - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my 28-year-old brother who has been pranking me all my life, put a chocolate cupcake on my chair. I sat on it, with my white dress. On my wedding day. FML

#18004959
234 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61961) - you deserved it (3707)

On 10/17/2011 at 4:39am - misc - by cupcake_butt - United States

Today, I was struggling to cycle up a steep hill. A guy heading past me on a scooter said I'd lost something. I stopped and looked back. Seeing nothing, I asked him what I lost. He replied, "Your momentum!" FML

#17985302
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29150) - you deserved it (5021) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 10/14/2011 at 9:53pm - misc - by adieuvelib - France

Today, our electric horse fence broke. I turned it off so I could fix it. As I was grabbing the fence, my brother thought it would be hilarious to turn the fence back on. FML

#17766794
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25894) - you deserved it (2781)

On 09/17/2011 at 7:42pm - animals - by ouch (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, while teaching my high school class about astronomy, I showed them a picture of earth from space. One girl raised her hand, and asked me what the "white things" were. In other words, clouds. FML

#17757259
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22555) - you deserved it (2498)

On 09/16/2011 at 10:42am - kids - by Smart - United States



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