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ChaosBlitz's favorite FMLs
by OPhere / 04/15/2013 at 3:37am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my 16-year-old son convinced my 14-year-old daughter that she wasn't allowed to use the ladies bathroom at the shopping centre, because she wasn't wearing a dress like the girl on the sign. He told her girls in pants always used the other one. She believed him. This is my legacy. FML
by badparent / 04/08/2013 at 12:26am / Australia (Queensland) / Kids
by Ribbed for Her Disaster / 04/04/2013 at 12:04pm / United Kingdom (Kent) / Intimacy
Today, my 19-year-old son told me his girlfriend is pregnant, and was diagnosed with an STD. He's sure that he's the father. He's also sure he doesn't have an STD, because he's a virgin. I had to give him the sex talk that his school never did, as well as explain to him that his girlfriend is a cheater. FML
by fucked by sex ed / 03/29/2013 at 1:18pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, my department found out that we're getting a new supervisor for the third time this month. I joked about how we're like "the foster kid nobody wants." One of my coworkers burst into tears and ran off. I later found out that she had been a foster child and never once had a stable home. FML
by Luke / 03/19/2013 at 5:59am / United States (New York) / Work
Today, an attractive guy came up to me and told me that I looked sexy in a picture online. He then asked himself why he had never asked me out before. Apparently, he doesn't remember our 6-month relationship, or how it ended when he slept with my sister. FML
by mcds2 / 03/18/2013 at 4:28am / United States / Love
Today, after six months of writing a 40 page paper criticizing a famous method, I found out the professor who conceived it has transferred to my favorite college to head the department I'm applying to study in. They require I submit the paper with my application. FML
Today, after my 5-year-old finally got over his grandmother's death, we went to a store and saw a lady that looked exactly like her. She came up to us asking if we saw her grandson; I can't get my son to stop freaking out. FML
by Maxie / 03/07/2013 at 8:55pm / United States (Ohio) / Kids
Today, I was taking a peaceful stroll in the local park when a curious turkey decided to follow me. Trying to shoo it away, I swung my leg at it, as if to fake kick it. Being the stupid animal it is, it decided to fly into my leg as I swung, causing my foot to connect to its neck. It died. FML
by Anonymous / 03/03/2013 at 9:40am / Australia (Queensland) / Animals
by Anonymous / 03/01/2013 at 2:18am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, the attractive guy I barely speak to in my statistics class gave me a rose for Valentine's Day because he remembered they were my favorite. My husband got me a roll of quarters and told me to go buy myself "something pretty." FML
by RosesAreRed / 02/15/2013 at 1:07am / United States (Missouri) / Love
Today, a girl came up to me on the street and said, "You have like no swag, bro." Feeling clever, I said, "At least I have a high school education." She then took out her work ID, showing me that she was a surgeon, flipped me off, then walked away saying, "This is totally going on Facebook." FML
by Anonymous / 02/11/2013 at 10:26am / United States (Massachusetts) / Work
Today, I watched The Passion of the Christ with my girlfriend. She kept scoffing at what she called the "historical inaccuracies", and actually tried to convince me that Hitler killed Jesus. When I corrected her, she looked at me, mouth agape, as if I was insane. FML
by and she doesn't even give bjs / 02/08/2013 at 7:44pm / Argentina (Distrito Federal) / Love
Today, my girlfriend asked me if she looked fat in her new pair of jeans. Knowing I was probably about two seconds away from all hell breaking loose, I instinctively tried to save my game, before remembering I wasn't playing a video game. I really need to get a life. FML
by Anonymous / 02/03/2013 at 4:57pm / Australia / Love
Today, I went to a club with my girlfriend and her buddies. An hour in, I saw her making out with a guy on the dance floor, so I confronted her. She stormed off to the bar and said something to her friend, who then came over and angrily slapped me across the face. Yeah, I'm confused too. FML
by Anonymous / 02/02/2013 at 6:03pm / Belgium / Love
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, a week after dropping my car off for the third time in a month at the dealership because of…