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ChaosBlitz's favorite FMLs
by phobopohobia / 02/06/2009 at 5:09pm / United States (Ohio) / Love
Today, I took a big sip of water while on a bus. It went down the wrong pipe, causing me to cough and hack loudly. The old woman sitting across from me asked if I was okay. Jokingly, I said, "Just dying." She replied, "You too, huh?" FML
by suicide / 02/04/2009 at 10:48am / United States (Illinois) / Transportation
Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML
by Jebus / 01/24/2009 at 11:07am / Canada (British Columbia) / Love
by Noname / 01/22/2009 at 6:27pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love
Today, I surprise my girlfriend by turning up at her flat on her twenty-fourth birthday. She gets up from the couch as I enter and I shout: "Tonight, my cock is going to stab you twenty-four times!" (Okay, that's not smart). That's when her father glances over from the couch and greets me. FML
by Mak1 / 12/05/2008 at 3:12am / Belgium (Brabant) / Intimacy
Today, I remember the first night I spent with my first English boyfriend. I'm French, and when we woke up, I said in my most sexy voice "Oh, I'm so dirty!" It's only when he left that I finally understood the look on his face; I wanted to have a glass of water. I was thirsty, not dirty. FML
- Today, I woke up to my boyfriend repeatedly whispering in my ear, "You want to give me a blowjob".… Today, I was driving down the road when I got to a red light. I looked over and saw a hot chick in… Today, I witnessed my husband in the shower singing Chicago's "You're the Inspiration" to his penis…