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ChaosBlitz

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ChaosBlitz
  • Town/Country : Toronto, Canada
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 1 May 1995 (18 years)
  • Number of visits : 1043
  • Number of comments : 5
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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ChaosBlitz's FML badges

Perfectionist

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Consolation prize

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Who’s the fairest of them all?

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ChaosBlitz's favorite FMLs

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML

#56665
496 comments

I agree, your life sucks (213915) - you deserved it (73290)

On 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm - kids - by offbeans (man) - United States (California)

Today, my wife told me that if she had a penny for every time I had brought her to climax she'd have change for a nickel. We've been married for 16 years. FML

#11991
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27003) - you deserved it (10201)

On 02/06/2009 at 5:09pm - misc - by phobopohobia (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I took a big sip of water while on a bus. It went down the wrong pipe, causing me to cough and hack loudly. The old woman sitting across from me asked if I was okay. Jokingly, I said, "Just dying." She replied, "You too, huh?" FML

#7761
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7960) - you deserved it (27565)

On 02/04/2009 at 10:48am - misc - by suicide (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML

#2426
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6309) - you deserved it (26633)

On 01/24/2009 at 11:07am - love - by Jebus - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I danced with a girl until the bar closed. We went back to my place. She had a penis. FML

#2248
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41591) - you deserved it (7812)

On 01/22/2009 at 6:27pm - love - by Noname - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I surprise my girlfriend by turning up at her flat on her twenty-fourth birthday. She gets up from the couch as I enter and I shout: "Tonight, my cock is going to stab you twenty-four times!" (Okay, that's not smart). That's when her father glances over from the couch and greets me. FML

#509
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8334) - you deserved it (45958)

On 12/13/2008 at 10:58pm - intimacy - by Mateo - Sent from mobile version

Today, my boyfriend told me in a very natural way that my mother is better at sex than me. FML

#452
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68624) - you deserved it (3743)

On 12/05/2008 at 3:12am - intimacy - by Mak1 - Belgium (Brabant)

Today, I remember the first night I spent with my first English boyfriend. I'm French, and when we woke up, I said in my most sexy voice "Oh, I'm so dirty!" It's only when he left that I finally understood the look on his face; I wanted to have a glass of water. I was thirsty, not dirty. FML

#286
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24144) - you deserved it (6351)

On 11/12/2008 at 3:10am - intimacy - by aur - Sent from mobile version

Today, I just woke up next to the most unpopular girl in school. Damn Vodka. FML

#228
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13266) - you deserved it (104319)

On 11/06/2008 at 4:43am - intimacy - by Ben-Ben - Sent from mobile version



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