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Capt_Oblivious

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Capt_Oblivious
  • Town/Country : Earth
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 5806
  • Number of comments : 395
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Capt_Oblivious : You cannot even begin to imagine the immensity of the fuck I do not give.

Want to know more? Contact me, it may just enrich your life. But probably not by much.

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You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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Capt_Oblivious's favorite FMLs

Today, somebody ordered pizza and sent it to the house across the street from them, so they could shoot at the pizza guy with an air-soft gun from the upstairs of their house. I was that delivery guy. FML

#17973373
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28429) - you deserved it (1795)

On 10/13/2011 at 4:17am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, after a week of searching, I found my escaped snake. In my umbrella, outside, after opening it over my head. FML

Today, I walked in on my flatmate squatting over the bathroom scales, completely naked. When I asked what he was doing, he replied very seriously, "weighing my testicles, you should try it sometime, if they're too heavy you may have cancer". I'm a girl. FML

#17950170
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26034) - you deserved it (2401)

On 10/10/2011 at 4:29am - health - by Anonymous - Reserved

Today, a highly intoxicated man came into my workplace and complained that the medicine that I'd prescribed for his dog almost choked him. I work at Blockbuster. FML

#17948173
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25706) - you deserved it (2075)

On 10/09/2011 at 11:30pm - work - by Username - United States (Texas)

Today, I was talking with my uncle, when the subject of my abusive mother-in-law came up. He assured me he'd talk to her and straighten things out. Apparently this means posting on her Facebook wall threatening to "pimp-slap a bitch" if she doesn't get her "fat ass out of family business". FML

#17931369
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22910) - you deserved it (3031)

On 10/07/2011 at 10:40pm - misc - by ...... (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I woke up next to my boss naked. We are both women and she is married. Work should be interesting tomorrow. FML

#17839569
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18838) - you deserved it (42236)

On 09/26/2011 at 2:20pm - intimacy - by BigBananaLover - United States (California)

Today, I went to Walmart to pick up some groceries. When I came out, the front end of my car was crushed in. On the window was a note only saying "Sorry I bumped into your car." FML

#17839244
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26313) - you deserved it (2015)

On 09/26/2011 at 1:18pm - money - by This Guy - United States

Today, after five long years of having been together, my boyfriend told me that he wanted to take our relationship to the "next level". We now have a Sims relationship. FML

#17814910
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23609) - you deserved it (3372)

On 09/23/2011 at 6:24pm - love - by Anonymous - Germany (Berlin)

Today, I was sent home from work early because of structural issues. I walked in on my unemployed boyfriend cuddling another woman on the couch. When I confronted them, he freaked out and kept trying to convince me that I was dreaming. I don't know what I ever saw in this loser. FML

#17811701
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34899) - you deserved it (3943)

On 09/23/2011 at 7:04am - love - by alone - China

Today, the new office IT guy figured the best way to get the virus off my computer was to wipe my entire hard drive. He was kind enough to back my data up and restore everything from the backups. Including the virus. FML

#17803307
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23854) - you deserved it (2113)

On 09/22/2011 at 8:06am - work - by Soopa-Genius (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I found out that the new management position I'm supposed to start in two days was delayed for a month and a half. I already quit my current job and called my boss gay. FML

#17801951
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8258) - you deserved it (45492)

On 09/22/2011 at 1:20am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, my girlfriend started to plan our wedding. We've been going out for 3 days. FML

#17794409
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37937) - you deserved it (4650)

On 09/21/2011 at 8:38am - love - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

 Today, my mom is marrying my ex boyfriend's dad. The same ex boyfriend who I caught cheating on me with my sister. Family gatherings are going to be such a joy! FML

#17793249
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37655) - you deserved it (2210)

On 09/21/2011 at 1:53am - misc - by AL - United States (California)

Today, I found out that I have testicular cancer for the second time in two years, and they may end up removing my last testicle. Knowing full well I was also born with an extra rib, the doctor at the consultation joked, "Hey, you'll be three quarters of the way to being a woman." FML

#17790312
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34579) - you deserved it (1968)

On 09/20/2011 at 7:54pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my wife showed me what was missing in our marriage with a Twilight video montage. FML

#17695562
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31387) - you deserved it (3966)

On 09/08/2011 at 8:52am - love - by I_dislike_Twilight (man) - United States (Michigan)



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