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Capt_Oblivious

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Capt_Oblivious
  • Town/Country : Earth
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 5852
  • Number of comments : 395
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Capt_Oblivious : You cannot even begin to imagine the immensity of the fuck I do not give.

Want to know more? Contact me, it may just enrich your life. But probably not by much.

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Capt_Oblivious's FML badges

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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Capt_Oblivious's favorite FMLs

Today, my expensive, multi-feature, water proof watch was destroyed... by water. FML

#15355346
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33479) - you deserved it (6320)

On 03/17/2011 at 6:39pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - Dominican Republic (Distrito Nacional)

Today, I was spending Saint Patrick's Day with my girlfriend, when she started pinching me for not wearing green. To my complete shock, when she pinched my nipple, I got the biggest, most noticeable erection I've ever had in my life, and no matter what I did, it wouldn't go away. We were in public. FML

#15355329
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38805) - you deserved it (8142)

On 03/17/2011 at 6:38pm - intimacy - by Mr. Sensitive Nips - United States (Texas)

Today, my crush gave me a ride home. When I opened the door to get out, he switched the gear to reverse, thinking the car was in park. I got run over by the car door. FML

#15354612
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28391) - you deserved it (3202)

On 03/17/2011 at 5:26pm - misc - by boom - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was moving to the city with all my belongings when the trailer came unhitched, breaking the chains on my dad's homemade trailer. I then watched as the trailer narrowly missed a guardrail, went down a hill and into a river. My dad still won't admit he didn't latch the hitch. FML

#15350791
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27485) - you deserved it (3691)

On 03/17/2011 at 11:11am - misc - by johnsj8 -

Today, I was moving to the city with all my belongings when the trailer came unhitched, breaking the chains on my dad's homemade trailer. I then watched as the trailer narrowly missed a guardrail, went down a hill and into a river. My dad still won't admit he didn't latch the hitch. FML

#15350791
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27485) - you deserved it (3691)

On 03/17/2011 at 11:11am - misc - by johnsj8 -

Today, my daughter went potty. Just as she always does, she came up to me and announced, "I flushed, and wiped, and shut the light off." Then she did something brand new. She covered my face with her hand and asked, "Do these fingers smell?" They did. FML

#15345509
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30032) - you deserved it (4580)

On 03/17/2011 at 12:04am - kids - by Username -

Today, after my 22 year old son realized that there was no more contact solution, he decided to use tequila because he thought it would "kill the germs." We had to go to the hospital to have his eyes flushed out. I raised this moron. FML

#15339337
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39958) - you deserved it (10764)

On 03/16/2011 at 6:05pm - kids - by WTF -

Today, I went on a date, the first one I've been on since my last boyfriend broke up with me 6 months ago. We were in a restaurant, and at the end of meal he insisted on paying the bill. He wanted to leave a 15% tip but couldn't work out in his head how much to leave. The bill was for £100. FML

#15336709
341 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23401) - you deserved it (13134)

On 03/16/2011 at 1:20pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my mom caught me talking to my penis. FML

#15333405
377 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18631) - you deserved it (86509)

On 03/16/2011 at 3:31am - intimacy - by eric - United States

Today, I got a call from my long distance girlfriend. She's about a month pregnant. I haven't seen her in person for six months, but she still insists it's mine. I don't know which would be worse: her lying or her being that stupid. FML

#15321178
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52675) - you deserved it (5065)

On 03/15/2011 at 11:50am - love - by notthedad (man) - China



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